


The Darkness of the Soul

by GinnyRose



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant Violence, M/M, Mentions of violence and rape, Multi, Raven!Neil, Self-Harm, canon level injuries, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 74,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyRose/pseuds/GinnyRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathaniel Wesninski has lived a life of pain. Sold by his father and treated as a pet by his adoptive brother, he has never known kindness. Abandoned by one of the only people he trusted and beaten by his owners, he is left scarred and broken outside a stranger's door. Will he find kindness with the foxes or will he return to the only life he knows?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

David Wymack did not get paid enough for this. He was paid to coach college athletes in Exy. He was paid to make sure enough kids showed up to the games with enough limbs to play the game. He was paid to make sure they did not bleed on the court more than normal. He was even paid to deal with traumatized Ravens who appeared bleeding and broken in front of his hotel room, although it had taken awhile to convince the school about that.

This though. He did not get paid enough for whatever the fuck this was. This was a goddamn horror movie, and Wymack did not get paid to do horror movies anymore than he got paid to dance naked in the streets. Still, he moved forward cautiously, inwardly cursing the universe and everything inside it. The lump in front of his door didn’t move but he was still on edge. It was a distinctly human shaped lump covered in a thin tarp and Wymack had seen enough horror films to know what could happen. He took another step and this time he was close enough to see that part of the lump was moving slightly.

He resisted the urge to jump back. Movement meant that the lump was alive. The lump being alive meant that someone had dumped a living lump roughly the shape of a human at his doorstep. Wymack did not get paid enough for human shaped lumps that apparently fucking moved on his doorstep. Still, he moved close enough to touch the lump and bent down. He pulled the tarp away quickly and cursed loudly.

A lithe, small framed boy lay on the ground. He was completely naked, which Wymack would like to say was the most disturbing part of the boy. That honor, however, was given to the bloody mess that was the boy’s body. Thin lacerations ran across his chest, marring patches of smooth skin and crossing over pink scars that were already there. Deep gashes split his upper thighs, the blood pooling on his legs and spilling onto the ground below him. There was blood from other places as well but Wymack refused to allow himself to worry about it then.

He tore his eyes from the cuts to the boy’s face. The boy had been placed there on purpose and Wymack dreaded to see if he would recognize one of his own. The boy’s face was mostly hidden, half was turned towards the ground and the rest was mostly covered by unruly locks of auburn hair. It was enough to know the boy wasn’t his but not enough to understand how he came to be dumped in front of his door. Gently he brushed some of the hair from the boy’s pale cheek and froze. Right below his fingers was a single mark on the boy’s cheek. A small three sat just under the boy’s eye, stark black against the white cheek.

Wymack was paid to coach Exy. He was paid to find the best he could and recruit them to play. He was paid to make sure the damaged, abused, and traumatized students he picked didn’t kill themselves or others while they were under contract with the school. He was not paid to stitch up the bloody body of Nathaniel Wesninski just because someone decided to throw him on his doorstep.

He pulled his phone out anyway and started dialing, his eyes never leaving the pale face.


	2. Chapter 2

Nathaniel woke to silence. It took him a few moments to focus through the foggy remnants of his sleep and the first thing he noticed was the absence of the pain. Nathaniel knew he should be in pain - Riko had been angry and his anger always meant pain. The fact that he wasn’t unsettled him. No pain meant drugs and drugs meant failed mandatory tests. Which meant another beating from the Master. Nathaniel hated the master’s beatings even more than Riko’s. He was used to blades. Blades broke skin not bones, and Nathaniel hated the feeling of cracked ribs. He didn’t know who gave him the medicine either – Jean was too cowardly, Riko enjoyed him in pain, and none of the other Ravens cared as long as he could play through it and Nathaniel had plenty of practice for that.

There had only been one person in his life since he was sold who would have risked such rage for him and that person had left him behind. Nathaniel pushed the thought away. There was no point in thinking about a ghost. He had more pressing concerns anyway. The pain might be absent, but that did not mean damage hadn’t been done. He needed to know he could play before someone came to bring him to the court. Bracing himself, he opened his eyes. And froze.

This was not the Nest. Soft light filtered in through shuttered blinds that should not have existed. The walls were a light tan color rather than black and the bed he was laying on was the only one in the room. There was no second bed that held Jean. Nor were there desks containing school books or Exy paraphernalia. A small dresser sat opposite the bed and a small nightstand stood to the right of him. Nathaniel fought back panic. He hadn’t been in a different room since he moved into the Nest, discounting hotel rooms. He hadn’t woken in an unfamiliar room since his mother had been alive.

This must have been one of Riko’s tricks. Nathaniel knew he had angered him but he hadn’t thought Riko would resort to this. He needed to leave, to find out where he was. He needed to return to the nest before the Master knew he was gone. Considering the amount of light streaming in, Nathaniel was probably too late for that. A new beating waited for him.

He tried to sit up and hissed out a breath. His torso stung suddenly with the movement. It was duller than it probably would have been without the drugs, but it still knocked his breath away. He laid back down for a moment, waiting for the pain to fade. Once it had passed, he tried again more slowly and managed to sit up with a slight grimace. The thin blanket fell from his chest and Nathaniel saw the myriad of bandages that had been firmly wound across his chest. The bandages were placed expertly, tight enough to stem the injuries but with enough room that his breath wasn’t constricted. This wasn’t Jean’s work. Jean’s work had always been haphazard, done quickly within the early hours between Riko’s night games and morning practice but this had obviously been done with care.

Nathaniel pulled down the blankets further, slightly relieved to see that a pair of loose shorts had been given to him. He had woken up naked and injured before but never in a foreign place and he hadn’t wanted to start now. He pulled up the legs of the shorts to see two identical rows of white bandages rolled around his thighs. The thought of some stranger with their hands around the naked parts of his body made him feel a little ill but he pushed it away. He had more important things to worry about than some stranger’s potentially wandering hands.

Bracing himself, he pulled his legs from the bed and placed them on the floor. He could feel the slight pull of stitches in his thighs and cursed inwardly. Those would be torn the moment he stepped onto the court. The Master would beat him more for getting fresh blood on the court. Nathaniel would be lucky to survive his return. Nevertheless, Nathaniel breathed deeply and stood. His legs shook from the sudden shift and he grasped at the bed stand as he went dizzy. He took several deep breaths and let his body adjust before taking several small steps to the door. He kept one hand gripping the bed loosely, knowing instinctively that he was one overly careless step away from toppling to the floor.

His thighs burned as the stitches pulled with every step. He could not play like this. The cuts went deep and Nathaniel could tell they were long. Nathaniel was lucky he hadn’t bled out. Maybe that was why he was here. Maybe Riko had gone too far and they had to send him somewhere to heal. Nathaniel wondered what lie they could have used to explain this. Skiing accidents didn’t generally result in cuts like these. It didn’t really matter though – the Master could have said Nathaniel was attacked by a snow leopard and the press would spend months reporting sightings of the creatures on the slopes. Nathaniel allowed himself a moment to contemplate the idiocy of people before he began walking again.

It was more difficult now, having reached the end of the bed and having nothing to hold. He took several slow steps with his arms out slightly to help his balance. He felt like a small, clumsy child but he made his way to the door without falling. Nathaniel balanced himself with a hand on the door and quietly opened the door. He peered out cautiously, half-expecting to see the Master or Riko waiting beyond the door. There was nothing there however, but a hallway lined with several doors and a few picture frames on the walls. Nathaniel ignored them. He didn’t care whose house this was. He just needed to return to the Nest, preferably on his own. If the Master had sent him here, he needed to prove he could make his way back on his own. Otherwise, he might be considered too weak to be of any use. Nathaniel didn’t want to think of what they meant for his precarious life.

Nathaniel walked down the hallway, one hand tracing the wall just in case. The hallway opened up and he suddenly realized he had a major problem. A long staircase leading down to the first floor loomed before him. He couldn’t make it down those stairs with the cuts on his legs or the dizziness in his head that hadn’t quite faded away. He stood for a moment at the edge of the stairs, contemplating just dropping down them. He hadn’t heard anyone in the house and he was sure he could control the fall enough to minimize the damage. It would hurt some, but the drugs had deluded his pain well enough to function so far and Nathaniel had done worse.

“Contemplating ending it?” An amused voice called softly from behind him. Nathaniel froze instantly, his hands clenching into fists. He hadn’t heard any door open but someone had appeared behind him anyway. He didn’t turn immediately, hoping that the drugs were making him hallucinate. A rough hand gripped his shoulder and pulled him away from the stairs, proving that the person was indeed real. Nathaniel allowed himself to be pushed against the wall, too weak to fight whoever was directing his body. A man several inches shorter than Nathaniel stood before him, grinning widely as he shoved him against the wall. Hazel eyes stared at him curiously, as if Nathaniel was a particularly interesting zoo animal who had escaped rather than an injured person who had appeared in a random house. Nathaniel glared back at the boy fiercely. He knew who the boy was – it was impossible not to when his face and name had been slammed onto every Exy related article in the past year.

Andrew Minyard, one of the most dangerous goal keeper to ever play Class I Exy. Nathaniel had hated the boy long before he had ever met him. Being shoved against a wall roughly while the man laughed in his face didn’t improve his opinion. “Trying to die or trying to escape?” Andrew whispered tauntingly. Nathaniel contemplated spitting on him.

“Either way, better –“ Andrew leaned in to whisper into his ear – “luck next time.” Andrew pulled away and grinned widely, raising two fingers in a mock solute.

“Fuck you,” Nathaniel replied bitingly. Andrew just smiled wider. He moved his hand from against Nathaniel’s shoulder to his neck, pressing just hard enough that he could feel the threat of it. Nathaniel stayed pliant but refused to look away from Andrew’s eyes. He had spent his whole life dealing with psychopathic murderers and would-be murderers; he wasn’t afraid of some pint sized psychopath with happy pills. He was more concerned with what he was doing in a house with Andrew Minyard than on the hand threatening to choke him. The Master wouldn’t have sent him within a mile radius of any of the Foxes and especially not this one. Not unless he had placed a knife in Nathaniel’s hand first.

“Now, now. That is no way to treat the person who helped save you.” Andrew said in a stern voice. Nathaniel barely withheld his scoff. Something must have shown on his face because Andrew shrugged carelessly. “Well, I didn’t save you really. I would have left you to bleed if it was up to me. But we are in the house of the woman who saved you. It would be rude to not say anything to her, don’t you think?” Nathaniel thought it was ridiculous that a man who threatened to choke him was lecturing him on manners, but he kept quiet. His attitude was what made Riko snap, and he didn’t really need a repeat of that right now. Andrew opened his mouth to say something undoubtedly aggravating, but they were interrupted by a loud voice.

“Andrew Joseph Minyard, what the fucking hell do you think you are doing?” Andrew jumped back from Nathaniel, raising his hands in a placating manner that was sure to fool no one.

“I wasn’t doing anything! The poor Raven was about to fall down the stairs, I simply saved your investment.” Nathaniel silently bristled at Andrew’s choice of words. The last time someone had called him an investment, it had been the beginning of eight long years under the command of the Master. Nathaniel wasn’t too keen on that starting up again. Or the wrath of the Master that was sure to fall on him once Nathaniel finally made it back.

The woman who stood beside them spent a moment glaring at Andrew before her gaze turned to Nathaniel. Immediately, her eyes softened and she stepped toward him. Nathaniel shrunk against the wall in response; he knew better than to trust anyone like her. Andrew had at least been honest with his hostility but people like this woman hid it behind thin smiles and concerned eyes. The woman faltered slightly, her lip pursing as she looked him over. “You should be in bed.” She declared finally, after a long moment under her gaze. “Your wounds will open up if you continue to move around. Especially around little monsters like him.” She glared again at Andrew, who immediately adopted a wounded look. “Let’s get you back for some rest.” She went to place a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder but he slipped deftly away from her hand.

“I’m fine.” He ignored the pointed stare the woman gave his bandaged chest. “I need to get back to the M- to Coach Moriyama.” Nathaniel didn’t quite understand the look that crossed the woman’s face. It seemed like pity, but Nathaniel hadn’t said or done anything that deserved that. He didn’t know how he got to this house or why the woman took him in, but he needed to get back. If the Master hadn’t sent him here, he had to be back before too long. A long absence would only strengthen his anger.

“Nathaniel,” the woman said finally, cautiously stepping up to him again. Nathaniel didn’t like the way she said his name – as if he were a fragile thing that could break with any hint of trouble. “You aren’t going back there. You understand that right? We can’t let you go back there, we promised Kevin –“ The anger must have shown on his face because she suddenly stopped and stared uncertainly at him.

Kevin. The name made his skin bristle and his breath turn ragged. Kevin. The traitor, the coward. Nathaniel should have known he was around. Andrew was here, and Kevin never went far from his pet. He had to leave. He couldn’t stay in a place that Kevin was in.

“I have to go.” He told the woman. “My team –“

“Left you naked and bleeding on Coach’s doorstep.” Andrew called out, obviously growing bored of the conversation. “According to Coach, that makes you our responsibility. You know, one person’s trash and all that.” He waved an unconcerned hand as if he was commenting on the weather. “So welcome to the foxes, try not to die on us. You might actually make this year interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who took the time to read this. I'm happy so many of you liked it. I hoped Neil and Andrew were both good enough for everyone. Also, obviously, the lines "Better luck next time" and "Fuck you" were taken straight from the books and therefore belong to Nora Sakavic. I will try to update again soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Nathaniel felt like the room around him had given away. Andrew was smiling widely at him, obviously pleased with his reaction. Nathaniel didn’t care. He was a liar and so was the woman. The Ravens wouldn’t just leave him like that. Riko wouldn’t have given him up. The Master wouldn’t have let him leave. The Moriyamas would own Nathaniel until the day he decided to finally put a bullet in his head. That was Nathaniel’s life. Waking up in this house didn’t change any of those facts.

“Don’t believe me, do you?” Andrew stated cheerfully, bouncing up on his heels to peer more closely in Nathaniel’s eyes. He laughed lightly. Nathaniel’s hand itched for a blade or a racquet. Anything that could be used to temporarily wipe the smile of Andrew’s infuriating face. He kept his hands down though; he couldn’t afford to start a fight now. He wouldn’t be able to escape the house if Andrew beat the shit out of him. “Or is it just that you just don’t want to?” Andrew continued, undaunted by the glares the woman was throwing behind him or the hand she had raised to his shoulder as a warning. “Denial is an ugly little habit, you know. It’s a coward’s way out.”

“Being an asshole is ugly too, but that doesn’t seem to stop you any.” Nathaniel responded angrily. Nathaniel hated to be called a coward. He was not afraid of the life he led; he simply knew how to survive it. Andrew didn’t know the hell he lived; he had no right to judge him.

“That’s enough,” the woman said before Andrew could respond again. “Andrew, just stop talking. Nathaniel, just relax okay? We just want to help you. I know this is difficult, but we helped Kevin and –“

“I won’t stay anywhere near him.” Nathaniel interrupted resolutely. He wouldn’t live beside the man.

“Andrew really isn’t that bad. I mean, he is. But he’ll mostly leave you alone if you leave him alone.” The woman said, trying to appease Nathaniel. He didn’t understand why she was trying so hard to get him to stay. She had been the one to patch him up; she knew that the bandages were sound. She didn’t even really care for his well being – if she did, he would have already been back with the Ravens. And if she wanted him to work with the Foxes, she was unfortunately mistaken. Nathaniel wasn’t a traitor. He wasn’t about to work with one.

“He’s not talking about me, Abby.” Andrew told the woman, his hazel eyes never leaving Nathaniel’s. Nathaniel stared straight back. “Kevin’s not here, you know. He’s passed out drunk at Coach’s house. Couldn’t handle your ouches.” Andrew gestured towards the bandages with a wicked grin. “I only came back to get him some clothes. That’s when I found your bird trying to fly out the window.” He directed the last statement towards Abby before turning once more to Nathaniel. “Strange that Kevin seems so upset. I didn’t think he cared for anything but Exy.” Nathaniel could hear the question in Andrew’s sharp tone. Nathaniel wasn’t going to give him anything.

“He doesn’t.” It was mostly true, anyway. Kevin cared about Exy and his own life. And nothing more, as far as Nathaniel was concerned.

“And yet, when Coach called him about you, he nearly had a panic attack. Demanded we come here right away and everything. Isn’t that interesting?” Andrew’s smile was still in place but Nathaniel could see the glint in his eyes. Behind the drug induced euphoria, Andrew was a calculating man.

“Not really. Kevin’s business is his own.” Nathaniel had no interest in Andrew’s games. He just wanted to leave this confusing mess behind and return to the Master before it was too late.

“Yet he’s made you his business,” Andrew responded lightly. Nathaniel very much doubted that. Kevin had made it very clear that he had nothing to do with Nathaniel when he had left him behind. Andrew was lying again. “I find that fascinating. Kevin cares for nothing but Exy, and yet he drank himself into a stupor over a few bad scratches. Why?” Andrew’s smile had faded some as the conversation drew more serious, his eyes glinting as he stared intently up at Nathaniel.

“You’d have to ask him.” Nathaniel responded, refusing to back down this time. He knew Andrew was much more dangerous than him – especially when he was injured and weaponless – but he had been hurt for having a smart mouth, not for being smart. He wasn’t afraid to have a go with Riko at times, even with the severe repercussions. He damn sure wasn’t afraid of Andrew.

“I’m asking you.”

“Enough.” Nathaniel flinched at Abby’s voice. Her presence had slipped from his mind as he had spoken with Andrew. Her sudden outburst jarred him and he suddenly realized how close he had gotten to Andrew. He immediately stepped back, keeping himself out of arm’s reach. Andrew turned his attention to Abby, his smile blooming again.

“You’re still here?” He asked her rudely, bouncing slightly on his heels. Abby glared in response.

“Yes, I am. And I’d appreciate if you saved your interrogations until after Nathaniel stops bleeding. Get the things you came for and go back to Kevin. I’ll take care of Nathaniel.” Andrew laughed. It was a startlingly normal sound and it nearly made Nathaniel shiver. No one who could shove someone so roughly or put a hand to their neck so easily should be able to make a sound like that. Andrew should have cackled like a beast.

“Oh, Abby, Abby. You should know better.” Andrew grinned wider at Abby’s unimpressed gaze and gestured towards Nathaniel emphatically. “You can’t control someone else’s pet. Nathaniel will be gone before the morning ends, back to his old masters like a good little dog. Never mind that the masters already left him for dead. Maybe they’ll succeed this time.” Andrew seemed positively delighted at the prospect.

“They didn’t leave me, you’re lying.” Both Andrew and Abby turned towards him then. The pitying look was back in Abby’s eyes. It made Nathaniel’s stomach turn. He didn’t need pity from this woman. He just needed to go back to the Nest. All this carrying around was pointless. Andrew was a liar, but he was right that he would return to the Master. Nathaniel didn’t have a choice.

“Didn’t we talk about the denial thing, Nathaniel?” Andrew tutted as if scolding a small child.“I’m not lying, and I bet you know it, just like you know how pathetic your existence is. You were used and thrown out like the pathetic garbage you were trained to be. They got bored of you. And they dumped you.” Nathaniel just shook his head. Andrew pulled a thin phone from his pocket in response. “I could show you, if you like. Wymack sent a picture of you to Abby. Wanted to know if it was safe to move you or not. You bled quite a bit. Think the stains are still there.”

Nathaniel stared at him. He knew the surprise could be read on his face but he didn’t care. Andrew didn’t sound like he was lying and if he actually had proof that what he said was true then Nathaniel really had been abandoned. The idea itself was enough to make him sick.

“Do I want to know how you got my phone?” Abby asked, the annoyance clear in her voice. “On second thought, no, I don’t. Just give me back my phone. Nathaniel doesn’t need to see that and frankly, you shouldn’t have looked in the first place. It was none of your business.” Andrew gave the phone back without any argument and raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Leave,” Abby added. “Now.” Andrew rolled his eyes but obediently turned towards the stairs. He gave Nathaniel a two fingered salute and a smile that promised he wasn’t done with him before he disappeared down the stairs.

Nathaniel watched him go silently. He suddenly felt drained. He no longer thought Andrew was lying. Andrew didn’t have a reason to lie – he didn’t want Nathaniel there anymore than Nathaniel wanted to be there. But that meant the Ravens really had abandoned him. That meant the Master really had given him up. That Riko had let him go. The thought made Nathaniel sick. He leaned against the wall, his legs unable to fully take his weight. The adrenaline meeting Andrew had given him was fading and the ache of his thighs and chest were ebbing back in.

He didn’t fight the gentle arm Abby placed around his shoulders or the way she made him lean on her as they walked slowly back into the bedroom. Nathaniel’s mind felt numb. The Moriyamas had given him up. Nathaniel knew that they hadn’t meant for him to die – if they did, he would’ve never woken up. But Riko had definitely done his best to end anything good left in Nathaniel – he knew now the cuts on his thighs were meant to be devastating instead of just painful. He was lucky Riko wasn’t smart – if he was, he would have severed the tendons in Nathaniel’s ankles instead of hacking up his upper legs. That’s what his father would’ve done. Nathaniel pushed that thought as far from his mind as he could.

He stayed silent as Abby firmly pushed him back into the bed and lifted his legs up onto the soft mattress. “I have to check your bandages. You weren’t supposed to be moving around like that.” Nathaniel could hear the disapproval in her tone and laid down without a fight. Abby slowly began to unravel the bandages around his chest and Nathaniel arched his back so she could get the ones beneath him.

He tried not to tense too much from her soft touch but Abby’s fingers froze anyway. “Are you in pain? The medicine I gave you might be wearing off now. I can give you more if you’d like.” Nathaniel shook his head. He couldn’t tell her why he had really tensed up – that her very touch made his skin crawl. Nathaniel was used to harsh touches – the bruising of a fist, the crack of a cane, the slice of a blade, the bite of teeth. Her hands were too small, too soft. It was a foreign and strange feeling. It put him on edge. His body was waiting for the drop – for the sharp pain that had always accompanied touch. It didn’t know how to react to these ministrations.

But Nathaniel couldn’t explain any of this to Abby. He couldn’t stand to see another pitying look from the woman. So he redirected. “I’m fine.” Abby huffed, as if she knew Nathaniel was lying through his teeth. Her hands continued though and soon enough Nathaniel’s chest was bared. He couldn’t bear to look down to see the new additions – Nathaniel’s scarred torso had always been a horrible reminder to him – a reminder that his body was not his own. That he was nothing but a slave to the whims of a monster. A monster who had apparently gotten bored of him. Nathaniel pushed that thought form his mind too. He doubted the Moriyamas were actually done with him and had left him alive; he didn’t want to think of what they had in store for him now that they had brought him here.

Abby didn’t have the same qualms that Nathaniel did and she quickly began to work. She tested the cuts that had been stitched up first, her hands running against the raw flesh beside the largest of the cuts, testing the strength of the thread. Nathaniel hadn’t pulled anything there and Abby turned to the nightstand. Silently, she pulled out a tube of disinfecting ointment and fresh bandages as Nathaniel watched. Skilled hands were soon upon him again and Nathaniel was better at controlling his flinch this time. The ointment burned slightly as she rubbed it carefully around his wounds and the slight pain helped him concentrate.

“How did you give me the medicine, anyway?” Nathaniel wasn’t usually one to break a silence but talking to Abby would keep him away from thoughts about the Master and he was desperate to think of anything else. Nathaniel didn’t remember waking up before this and he didn’t think Abby had the proper tools to give him an injection.

“You’ve been in and out of consciousness for the past few days.” Abby said softly as she began to wrap bandages around him again. “Never for very long and never really lucid. It was enough to get you to drink some broth and take some pills, but never more than that. If I had known you would wake up fully so soon, I wouldn’t have left you alone.” Nathaniel could hear the slight guilt in her voice. It surprised him. Kindness was such a foreign concept and he was no longer sure she was hiding anything behind it. Abby seemed to truly be a kind person. Nathaniel wondered idly how she had survived so long like that.

He wasn’t compelled to ask any more questions. He was slightly surprised he had been out for so long but he chalked it up to the loss of blood. Abby moved on to his thighs and Nathaniel hissed slightly as she pushed his knee up to reach around his leg. None of the stitches had been pulled despite the pain he felt and Abby quickly gave his legs the same treatment she had given his chest. Once she was done, she lingered hesitantly at his bedside. She seemed reluctant to leave him again. Nathaniel wondered if she was more worried that Andrew would return or that Nathaniel would try to escape again.

“I won’t leave. I’ve nowhere to go.” Nathaniel told her honestly. There was no point in lying to this woman. He wouldn’t try to leave again. The Master or Riko had put him here for some reason or another. Nathaniel didn’t want to risk a beating for leaving. Abby seemed reluctant to believe him so he tried to give her a reassuring smile. He was sure it appeared more like a grimace but it seemed to work anyway.

“I’ll keep everyone out so you can rest. I kicked them all out except for at night, so they wouldn’t bother you.” Nathaniel wasn’t sure who everyone consisted of. Andrew and Kevin were obvious choices, as were Andrew’s brother Aaron and his cousin Nicky. Beyond that, Nathaniel didn’t know how many more foxes stayed for the summer or even if his surprise appearance had brought anyone home early. Either way, he didn’t want to meet any of them.

“Unless there is someone you want to see?” Abby continued cautiously, one hand resting near Nathaniel’s bandaged thigh. He knew who she was asking about but his position didn’t change. If he never saw Kevin again, it would be a bigger blessing than if the Master really had let him leave.

“I’d like to sleep.” Nathaniel responded. There was no point in saying anything about her offer. She could hear the refusal in his voice and besides, he didn’t really want to seem hostile to her. He was sure he got it enough from people like Andrew. Nathaniel didn’t understand kindness much but he knew he didn’t want to return hers with anger.

Abby gave him a soft smile and gently ran her fingers across his arm in what Nathaniel assumed was supposed to be a reassuring gesture. He barely stopped himself from flinching. “Get some rest.” She told him before leaving. Nathaniel listened for the door to click closed softly before he closed his eyes. Now that he was alone, he realized he really was tired. His world had turned upside down and it had left him disorientated and exhausted.

Nathaniel fell into an uneasy rest and dreamed of thin shadows creeping in around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this! I had a bit of difficulty in how Andrew and Neil interacted and I hope it came out well. I will try and update again soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Nathaniel woke again a few hours later. His body tensed, waiting to feel rough hands on him. He knew someone was in the room. Jean, probably, sent to wake him for practice. He was confused for a moment when the hand didn’t come down. Then he remembered where he was and his eyes shot open. No one should be in the room; Abby had sworn to keep everyone away and Nathaniel doubted that she would be back so soon. A large, dark-skinned boy stood by his bedside, a single hand outstretched as if to touch Nathaniel. He flinched away instinctively. The boy’s eyes widened and he hastily pulled his hand away.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” The boy’s voice was racked with guilt. Nathaniel didn’t care. The boy shouldn’t be there. Abby had lied to him. He didn’t know why he felt surprised – he had known the woman for less than a day and he already knew what company she kept. Andrew’s strong hand on his neck was a vivid reminder. “Abby wanted to wake you and see if you wanted to eat some real food. She’d have done it herself but, um, something came up. So I volunteered instead.”

Nathaniel stared at him a moment; it didn’t take much to recognize him. Nicky Hemmick, one of the Foxes’ starting backliners. He was mediocre at best. Nathaniel only knew of him because he was Andrew’s cousin – Riko had made him research everything he could once Andrew turned him down. The fact that he was related to the tiny psychopath didn’t endear him to Nathaniel. He glared at him.

“Did Andrew send you?” He demanded. He was tired and his entire body was throbbing dully. He didn’t want to deal with Andrew’s games. Nathaniel just wanted to sleep and forget about all this mess.

“Andrew?” Nicky’s eyebrows had shot up in alarm and his voice was raised. Nathaniel barely resisted the flinch. He didn’t like loud noises. The Nest had always been very quiet. “I haven’t seen him all day; he’s been dealing with Kevin. Did he come here?” Nicky sounded horrified by the very thought. Nathaniel tucked that bit of information away. It might be the sort of thing the Master had sent him here for. “No wonder you looked freaked.” Nicky continued, apparently unperturbed by Nathaniel’s silence. “He’s not here. It’s just me. Abby wanted Aaron to come because he’s pre-med, but Aaron’s kind of a dick. I figured I would be the least frightening to you. Didn’t want to give you the wrong impression of us Foxes. I realize now that we’ve already been tarnished.”

Nicky seemed sad for approximately two seconds before his face lit up suddenly. Nathaniel wondered idly if he was on pills just like his cousin. Surely such a swift change in emotions wasn’t natural. Then again, Riko had always been quick to anger. Maybe Nicky was the same way but with happiness. Nathaniel preferred the anger, he knew what to expect when it flared up. “I’ll just have to show you how awesome the rest of us are! Come on, I’ll make you some food.” Nicky beamed at him, obviously waiting for Nathaniel to eagerly agree.

“I’m fine. Not hungry.” He was actually, but he wasn’t going to trust food from a stranger when he we conscious enough to have the choice. Riko had taught him that lesson early on.

Nicky threw him an obviously disbelieving look. “You’ve had nothing but soup the past few days. Of course you’re hungry. And I happen to be an excellent cook.” Nicky finished with a grin and tried to pull Nathaniel up. Nathaniel hissed as a sharp pain erupted in his chest. Nicky removed his hands from Nathaniel as if he had been burned.

“Shit, I’m sorry! Here, I was supposed to give these to you.” He dug threw his pockets and extracted an orange pill bottle. “Pain pills. Abby told me yours had probably worn off by now.” He offered them to him. Nathaniel didn’t take them. He couldn’t afford to have any more in his system. The master would beat him senseless if he came for Nathaniel and he was high on pain medication.

“I’m fine,” Nathaniel repeated stubbornly.

“You say that a lot.” Nicky frowned, but put the medicine down on the nightstand. “At least come down for food. It’d be good for you to stretch out some; you’ve been in bed for so long.” Nathaniel considered correcting him but thought better of it. Andrew had obviously not thought it important to inform Nicky they had met on the stairs; Nathaniel wasn’t about to change that. Maybe he could use their obvious disconnect to his advantage later.

“Okay,” he agreed and gingerly sat up. His chest throbbed but Nathaniel ignored it and kept his face carefully neutral. He didn’t want Nicky reaching for the pills again. Nicky shot him a concerned look and Nathaniel pushed himself to stand up without flinching. He succeeded, just barely and Nicky hovered by him nervously. Nathaniel ignored Nicky’s offered hand and slowly made his way out of his room. The pain was almost unbearable now; every step sent a throbbing ache through his stitched thighs and Nathaniel’s teeth clenched. He’d endured worse. He schooled his face into a neutral expression and continued on.

He made it all way down the hall before he had to stop. He placed his hand against the wall to keep his balance and breathed deeply. His stomach was turning unpleasantly and Nathaniel was grateful he’d had no solid food. He hated vomiting. Especially in front of people. The Ravens had never been shy about their disgust the few times he had done it before. Nathaniel didn’t think he could handle Nicky forcing him to clean up his own mess right now.

Nicky stood at his shoulder. Nathaniel could feel the nerves wafting off the taller man so he braced himself and began walking once more. He kept one hand firmly against the wall to keep his balance. He couldn’t do the stairs though, no matter his determination. He stopped once more at the edge of the landing and peered down. A Raven would have just pushed him to get it over with. Nathaniel doubted Nicky would be so helpful.

“Here, let me help you.” Nathaniel barely avoided flinching when Nicky placed his arm around his shoulders but he allowed himself to be pulled into Nicky’s larger body. Nicky took the stairs one at a time, giving Neil a moment to brace himself on each step before they went down again. Nathaniel didn’t understand the kindness and the firm touch of Nicky’s arm and the feel of his shoulder so close to him sent his nerves ablaze. He pulled away once they were off the steps and leaned against the railing instead. He fought back the dizziness and nausea.

He couldn’t afford to be weak in Nicky’s eyes. The man still hovered by him, anxiously waiting to see if Nathaniel was fine or if he needed another hand. Nathaniel was tired of strange hands that didn’t do what they were supposed to do, so he ignored him. He could make it the rest of the way on his own now. He stepped forward slowly and looked around. The stairs led to the entry of the house; to the left of him was the living room and dining room. Beyond that, Nathaniel assumed was the kitchen. He turned and slowly walked forward, clutching the wall lightly. His thighs were excruciating without the pain medicine. His chest ached with every jolt.

Nicky didn’t make anything better – he hovered at Nathaniel’s shoulder at every step, waiting for him to misstep. Nathaniel had experience in the past with people like that. Older Ravens often found entertainment in following injured or tired players, just waiting for them to fall. Once they did, the Ravens would kick them until they rose again. The Master thought it was good endurance training. Nathaniel didn’t think Nicky would kick him if he fell, but the memories were deeply entrenched. He would rather the boy have gone ahead of him. He wasn’t going to admit that Nicky made him so uneasy though, so he stayed silent and continued his slow walk.

“Why don’t you take a seat here?” Nicky asked worriedly once Nathaniel had made it into the dining room. It was tempting. The dining chairs looked incredibly inviting to his aching body. Sitting would equal weakness though. He continued walking past the table and into the small kitchen beyond it. He leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. His legs shook slightly from the effort of holding himself up but at least the pain dulled as he stood still. Nathaniel didn’t know how long it would take for his body to heal and he dreaded the time he would be off the court. Had he still been at the Nest, he wouldn’t have had to worry about not practicing. He doubted the Foxes’ coach had the same policies on playing injured people though. Or even if he would let him play at all. He couldn’t bear that thought.

“Anyone ever tell you how stubborn you were?” Nicky’s voice seemed a mix of incredulity and grudging respect. Nathaniel just stared at him for a moment, hiding his surprise behind a well-practiced blank face. With the Master, no emotion had always been better than weak emotions. Nathaniel wasn’t being stubborn at all and he didn’t deserve the slightly impressed look Nicky was sending him. In the Nest, he’d have been hit for being so slow. There was no respect in mediocrity. Nathaniel couldn’t even stand, let anyone play right now. He was worthless like this.

“Not much of a talker, huh? That’s alright. I’m kind of used to it. Aaron doesn’t talk much either, and Kevin only talks about Exy. Andrew speaks a lot, but it’s not all that great talking to someone that’s higher than a kite all the time. And Abby’s been busy with making sure you were alright, so there’s been no one else to talk to. Not that I blame you or anything. Making sure someone doesn’t bleed out is incredibly important and I admire her for it. Can’t stand the sight of blood much myself. It makes me feel all queasy.” Nathaniel got the distinct feeling Nicky often talked when he felt nervous or uneasy. It was an interesting flaw. Any Raven who did so was always quickly taught better. Nathaniel wondered if the Foxes’ coach had been lenient or if Nicky was just an incredibly difficult case.

Nicky continued to ramble on as he bustled around the kitchen and Nathaniel tried to relax against the counter. The pain made it difficult but the cold countertop kept him grounded. It was a nice distraction to see the way Nicky moved. Nathaniel had been taught from a young age to coordinate every move he made, to never waste a single step as it could be the difference between a well jabbed knife and a wound of his own. Nicky lacked any sense of economy of motion. He would remove something from the fridge and turn away, only to turn back to grab another thing that he wanted. He washed and cut things one at a time rather than washing all at once.

Nathaniel himself would never waste so much movement like that, but Nicky didn’t even seem to notice his lack of efficiency. It was interesting that no one had ever pointed out Nicky’s obvious flaw. If the rest of the team was like this, Nathaniel could easily understand why the Foxes were dead last in everything. It was pitiful that their coach hadn’t even corrected such simple errors. He had no doubt that Nicky’s excess extended to the court as well, habits like these generally did.

Judging Nicky kept Nathaniel away from darker thoughts. He knew perhaps it wasn’t fair to treat Nicky so rudely, even if it was just in his mind, but it was well ingrained in him to be judgmental. Nathaniel had been trained to be the best, and being the best meant knowing how much better you were than someone else and why. It wasn’t a habit he could drop easily. Nathaniel didn’t want it to either. Once he returned to the Ravens, he would have to prove that he was just as good as he ever was. That meant he had to believe he was better than everyone else and notice everyone’s flaws. Except Riko. No one could be better than Riko. Kevin’s hand had been testament to that.

Nathaniel didn’t want to think about Kevin. The thought that he was even in the same house that Kevin had stayed in made him uneasy. Kevin had been the closest to him, besides Riko. Nathaniel had felt the betrayal keenly. He wasn’t ready to forgive Kevin for leaving him to Riko and the Master. He doubted he ever would. Nathaniel had never been taught to forgive, not by the Ravens or his parents that came before them. His father himself had taught Nathaniel traitors were nothing but scum. He had also taught him the ways to handle one. Nathaniel could easily make his own injuries seem minor to what he could do to Kevin. He entertained the thought briefly before shoving it away. He was too weak to fight someone like Kevin, especially when Kevin had Andrew. Nathaniel was all alone in the Foxes’ territory. Besides, he had made a promise to his mother to never become his father. Unlike Kevin, Nathaniel didn’t break promises lightly.

A loud crack echoed in the house and Nathaniel flinched violently as Nicky swore loudly, putting the knife down just in time to avoid cutting himself. Nathaniel pushed himself into the corner of the kitchen, as far away from the doorway as possible. He was sure that had been the slam of a door against a wall. He highly doubted Abby would have treated her own house with such disrespect. His hand itched for a weapon, but Nathaniel knew it would be pointless. He was far too useless now. His body shook from only that small movement; he could never handle a fight. Besides, if it was Riko coming back to see how his punishment had gone, Nathaniel couldn’t risk being seen as a threat. Riko was incredibly good at eliminating those.

Voices rang out in the living room, one angry, the other amused. Nathaniel tensed again while Nicky seemed to do the opposite. Obviously Nicky was much less concerned about his own cousin than Nathaniel was. The voices became louder and Nathaniel realized with dread that he recognized both. He thought idly about his chances of getting to the knife block before Nicky blocked him. He may have promised to not be like his father, but he hadn’t promised to keep his hands completely bloodless. It didn’t matter though. The two men appeared in the doorway before Nathaniel could get his aching body to react. He glared from his corner as the taller man halted in the entranceway. Andrew didn’t seem to have the same qualms as his companion. He stepped right in and began rifling through Abby’s fridge for food. He shot Nathaniel a wide smile before he pulled out a gallon of chocolate ice cream from the freezer and began eating it with his fingers.

Nathaniel couldn’t even be bothered to be angry at Andrew’s appearance. Once he realized Andrew was not going to attack him again, his eyes had immediately fixed on the other man once more. Nathaniel could have recognized him anyway, from his green eyes to the black two etched onto his cheek. Kevin Day stood before him, looking at him with the most horrified expression.

“Nathaniel.” He only said one word. It had been little more than a breathless whisper but it had carried through the suddenly tense room. It was enough to set Nathaniel off.

“Don’t.” Nathaniel told him. Kevin opened his mouth, to explain himself or to apologize, Nathaniel didn’t know. He didn’t care either. “Fucking don’t Kevin. I swear to God, if you say one more word I will take a butter knife and cut your fucking tongue out with it.” Nathaniel put as much venom in his voice as he could and was pleased to see both Nicky and Kevin flinch wildly. it was best that the Foxes learned who he was. Nathaniel was not just some wounded animal they could bring in from the rain and feed from their hands. He was a Raven.

Only Andrew seemed unimpressed by Nathaniel’s threat. He grinned widely at Nathaniel over a large scoopful of ice cream. “Oh I’d listen to him if I were you. Someone came for you after all.” Nathaniel’s face shot towards Andrew immediately. The Master must have sent someone to collect him. Perhaps Nathaniel wasn’t sent here for any other reason than psychological punishment. “Can’t seem to remember the guys name though,” Andrew put down his ice cream and pretended to rack his mind for the name. “Kevin, you remember it, right?”

“He didn’t give a name.” Kevin responded. Nathaniel turned back at him with a thinly controlled snarl. He hadn’t wanted to hear him speak. Even his voice was a betrayal. Kevin sounded the same as he always had – the deep voice that had reassured countless fans that victory was imminent. The same voice that had told him exactly how to deal with Riko and his moods when he had first been sold to the Moriyamas. Kevin didn’t have the right to still sound like a friend. “But Nathaniel,” Kevin sounded earnest now. It was pathetic. Nathaniel wasn’t going to care. Even if Kevin said the Devil himself had come to collect him.

“He said he worked for the Butcher. Your father wants a word.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry this chapter was later than the others. Hopefully it being slightly longer makes up for that. I have some things that my family is preparing for, so my updates probably won't be everyday anymore. I hope you liked this chapter and I will still try to update as soon as possible. Also, thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Nathaniel laughed. It was a high, broken sound. Nicky started towards him, concern etched in his face, but Andrew put a hand out to stop him. He was watching Nathaniel. Nathaniel didn’t care. He couldn’t care, not with what Kevin had said looming in his head. The Moriyamas were terrible, but the life he had with them was nothing compared to the terror of his father. He could feel the ghost of his father’s touch against his marred skin and he shuddered. Riko and the Master were saints compared to his father. They had saved him from him. Kevin couldn’t be right, but he couldn’t be lying either. The Butcher was not a man brought up casually.

“Nathaniel.” Kevin had taken a hesitant step forward. Nathaniel immediately stepped back, ignoring the slap of the wall against his back. He snarled at Kevin wordlessly, feeling more like a beast than a man. He was trapped. Nathaniel’s legs twitched. They itched with a feeling Nathaniel hadn’t felt in years. He wanted to run, to run and never look back. “Nathaniel,” Kevin repeated cautiously, hands raised in a calming gesture. Nathaniel ignored him, eyes darting around the room. He calculated the amount of time it would take him to leave the house. Perhaps if he caught the three men off guard and didn’t take anything with him, he could do it in just a few moments. “Please.” Kevin’s voice had turned hoarse. Nathaniel flicked him a dispassionate glare. He didn’t have time to deal with him.

“Fuck off.” Nathaniel told him severely.

“Your father’s men won’t wait long. And Coach and Abby won’t be held for long either; you have to meet with them. You can’t risk blowing him off.” Kevin knew firsthand what his father was capable of. He knew what Nathaniel risked the longer he stayed here. Nathaniel wanted to strangle him. “A car is waiting for you outside.” Kevin added. Nathaniel’s heart sped up. He couldn’t run, then. He should have never thought of it anyway. Nathaniel knew what happened when someone ran from his father. The memories of his mother’s screams echoed faintly in the back of his head.

Nathaniel pushed everything from his mind and pulled himself from the wall. The panic beat around in the back of his mind but Nathaniel did his best to ignore it. His father reappearing just after the Master left him in the Foxes wasn’t a coincidence. He didn’t know why his father was here but he doubted it was to kill him– Nathaniel hadn’t done anything to bring himself back on his radar. Not only that, but Nathaniel belonged to the Moriyamas now, which meant the only business his father had with him was for their sake. The Master would have spoken directly to him if it had anything to do with his Exy performance. That meant this was official family business. What the main branch wanted with Nathaniel, he didn’t know. But he knew he had to go. Riko had beaten him bloody when Nathaniel angered him; his father would do worse.

“I need clothes.” Nathaniel spoke finally, pleased that his voice was mostly steady. He ignored Kevin; the news of his father didn’t change the way he felt about him, and addressed Nicky directly. He was his best bet – Andrew was closest to his size but Nathaniel wouldn’t ask him for anything, and Nicky was at least smaller than Kevin.

“Oh, um,” Nicky was startled nearly speechless at Nathaniel’s apparently calm demeanor. He had pulled himself from the brink of a panic attack and Nicky was still staring at him as if he would crack any second. He didn’t know how much Nicky or even Andrew knew about his father; most of the information was kept quiet by the Master, but it was obvious they understood he was a dangerous man. Nathaniel had plenty of practice putting on faces for the press though and he knew his façade would hold. “Sure. Of course.” He looked around hesitantly. He was nervous to leave Andrew and Kevin here, Nathaniel realized. He wasn’t the only one to come to that conclusion judging by Andrew’s widening smile.

“Oh don’t worry, Nicky. I’ll be good. Nathaniel needs to be in one piece for Daddy, right? Or at least mostly in one piece, Riko already took a bite.” Andrew directed the last jab at Nathaniel but he decidedly ignored it. He needed to direct his attention to not panicking; he didn’t have time to get worked up by Andrew’s petty words. Nicky hesitated for a moment longer, dark eyes darting between Nathaniel and his cousin.

“I need the pain meds too.” Nathaniel added, bringing his attention fully back to him. He hated the idea of having more drugs in his system, but he couldn’t meet his father’s men like this. The pain was dulled out some by the adrenaline coursing through his body but he knew it wouldn’t last. He couldn’t afford to show weakness in front of them. Nicky shot him another startled look but left after glancing Nathaniel’s impassive face.

Andrew didn’t wait long after Nicky disappeared to start up again on Nathaniel. He stepped close to him, bypassing Kevin without a glance. He placed the ice cream on the counter beside them and carelessly wiped the melted chocolate on Nathaniel’s shorts, ignoring the way Nathaniel tensed at the brush of his fingers. Andrew was still smiling but it was a small twitch of his lips, and he stared at Nathaniel’s face intently. Nathaniel stared back, fighting to keep the calm look on his face. He didn’t have time to play Andrew’s games but he knew Andrew wouldn’t let him leave until he was satisfied with him. Nathaniel had to answer his father’s call.

For a long moment, the scrape of Kevin’s shoes against the wooden floor as he shifted nervously was the only discernible sound in the room. Then Andrew laughed. It was a startlingly loud sound in the quiet and Nathaniel saw Kevin flinch from the corner of his eye.

“Something funny?” he asked, eyes still fixed down on Andrew’s face. Andrew grinned.

“You. You’re interesting.” He smiled then and stepped back. Nathaniel wanted to ask what he meant but Nicky appeared again in the doorway with a small bundle in his arms. He stared curiously at the close distance between Andrew and Nathaniel but flinched away from asking when he glimpsed the serene smile on Andrew’s face. Instead he put on an obviously fake smile and pushed the clothes and orange pill bottle into Nathaniel’s hands.

“My stuff would just fall off you, so I got some of Aaron’s things. The pants might be a little short, but it should be okay.” Nathaniel nodded and put the clothes on the counter, careful to avoid Andrew’s melting ice cream. He popped open the pill bottle and swallowed two of them dry, grimacing slightly as they went down. Hopefully the medicine would help quickly without affecting his mind. Nathaniel needed to be at his best, more so than when he thought he had to return to the Ravens. The Master was dangerous but predictable. His father was another beast entirely.

He slipped the shirt over his head next. The shirt was loose enough but a bit short. Nathaniel yanked it down as far as it could go and let go. He carefully stripped out of his shorts next, unconcerned with the people watching him. The Ravens did not allow for privacy. He looked down at the bandages and was dismayed to see splotches of red. He had ripped some of his stitches out. He would have to ask Abby to fix them if he returned. Mindful of the bandages, Nathaniel slipped into the jeans without bothering to unbutton them.

Nicky had given him shoes as well and Nathaniel quickly slipped them on before finally turning to Kevin. He didn’t say anything and Kevin obviously didn’t expect him to. He answered Nathaniel’s unspoken question without any hesitation. “Car’s outside. Said he’d take you where you needed to go.” Nathaniel nodded and wordlessly slipped past them. He didn’t allow himself a slow pace or the wall to hold him up this time. He couldn’t be seen using such crutches in front of his father’s men. He had to face the man whole or he would never make it back to the Ravens. He had made it to the edge of a dining room before someone called out to him.

“Come back whole. You’ll be less interesting dead.” Nathaniel didn’t turn back to answer Andrew. He knew the words didn’t mean much – Andrew would only be interested as long as Nathaniel stayed with the Foxes and he probably wouldn’t come back; his father’s men would return him to the Nest or nowhere at all. He was sure now that he had been sent here because the Master didn’t want anyone seeing his father’s men at Castle Evermore. Riko had probably picked the Foxes as a cruel joke, knowing Kevin was there. He wanted to show him how one of the only decent things in his life had been nothing but a sham. Maybe his father’s message was to tell him to kill Kevin; he wouldn’t put it past the Moriyamas to use him to get rid of a liability.

Nathaniel braced himself against the front door for a moment, willing the pain in his thighs to disappear. They still ached, but Nathaniel pushed through it and opened the front door. The bright, early afternoon light was blinding and Nathaniel blinked a few times before his vision cleared. A dark, nondescript car sat idle on the street, just a short distance away. This was the closest Nathaniel had been to any connection of his father in seven years.

Nathaniel took a deep breath and schooled his features into a polite but carefully disinterested expression. He began making his way down the front yard, careful to not overstep and trip. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get up by himself if he did. Hopefully, the pain medication would take effect before the drive ended. When he got close enough, he peered into the windows. The back ones were tinted so Nathaniel quickly passed them in favor of the driver. A man sat casually in the driver’s seat, watching Nathaniel approach. He was dressed plainly with no discernibly unique marks. The man wouldn’t attract any attention while he picked Nathaniel up, and no one on the street would be able to remember what exactly they saw if anyone came asking. Nathaniel tried not to let that information send him panicking.

He reached the car too quickly. The man gestured lazily for him to sit in the passenger seat and Nathaniel opened the door and slid in quietly. He waited for the man to speak but he began driving in silence instead. He was already down the road when Nathaniel felt a sharp blade press into the side of his neck. He tensed immediately but knew better than to move. The blade was sharp and Nathaniel knew instinctively that whoever was in the seat behind him would not hesitate to slit his throat. That was the way his father’s men worked. The driver, evidently used to this kind of situation, didn’t even slow down as he turned onto a different street.

“Hello, Junior.” A soft, feminine voice spoke. The person was close enough that Nathaniel felt her words against his neck, the hot breath sending shivers down his spine. “It’s been awhile. Hope you remember me,” the blade trailed up and down his neck as she spoke. She teased him with it, sometimes moving it across so lightly that it tickled Nathaniel’s skin and other times pressing hard enough that it broke it. Nathaniel felt the sting of the tiny cuts but knew better to move. They wouldn’t be big enough to even scar, and he knew it could be a lot worse.

“Of course I remember, Lola,” he answered after a moment. She pressed the blade hard enough that he bled before lightly tapping it against his jugular. Nathaniel wasn’t sure if that meant she was pleased or was supposed to be a warning. Memories of the last time he had seen her were swirling in his mind, making him dizzy. He had been smaller than, only eleven years old. His mother had still been alive. Nathaniel remembered the pure hatred that had been etched on his mother’s face when she had been forced into the car. Lola had sat next to her and Nathaniel had been placed on her lap.

He remembered the feeling of her knife then too, the way she had traced it across his back, carving spirals into the skin. He still had the scars. Sometimes Riko, when he was in a particular mood, would spend the night retracing them with his own blade. He didn’t like it when others played with his things. He barely resisted a shudder when she placed the knife on his cheek, right where the three was etched in. She teased him, trailing lightly around the number and then pressing on it, almost enough to cut the skin, Nathaniel didn’t want to think about what would happen if he came back to Riko with his number damaged.

“I’m touched. I had hoped to leave a lasting impression,” Lola spoke lightly, as if about the weather and not the way she had tortured a child. She trailed the knife down all the way to the base of his neck, never breaking the skin. “You’ve grown up so much since then. Almost as pretty as your dad. Makes me wonder if you’re as good.” She breathed the last words into his ear. Nathaniel shuddered this time as the hot breath tickled his neck.

“Sorry, not interested.” The words were out before Nathaniel could stop himself. He hissed as the blade dug in sharply in response. That one would scar. Lola laughed lightly in his ear.

“Heard some things about you, you know. Didn’t please your dad to hear. Imagine, his son bending over for some second born brat. Shameful really.” The knife twisted slightly in the cut, just enough that blood really began to flow. Nathaniel wanted to contradict her words but wisely kept silent this time. It didn’t really matter if she knew the truth between him and Riko anyway. It wouldn’t change anything. “So quiet, huh? You were more fun last time.” She finally moved the knife from the cut and began tapping it lightly on the top of his collar bone instead.

Nathaniel remembered the way he had acted last time. He had cried out from every touch and thrashed in her lap whenever the blade went deep. At the time, it had been more pain than he had ever had at once, even when he had lived with his father. A life with the Ravens had taught him better though, and the pain she was giving him now was miniscule. The stings of the cuts were nothing compared to the dull ache of the injuries he had already obtained.

“Aren’t you even wondering why we came to see you?” Lola faked hurt in her voice. Nathaniel gritted his teeth as she pressed hard enough to cut the skin on his collar bone. He knew he should answer her before she got angry but the driver pulling off the road and into a parking lot distracted him. It had been a surprisingly short ride and Nathaniel didn’t quite know why they were stopping outside a small strip of storefronts. It wasn’t the type of place he expected his father’s men to conduct meetings. “Come on, I’ll guess you’ll just have to see for yourself.” Lola removed the knife from his skin and Nathaniel breathed a silent sigh of relief.

He opened his door and stepped out, waiting obediently for her to follow him. She did, a bright smile splitting her face too widely. Nathaniel nearly recoiled from her but the shiny blade still in her hand kept him where he stood. He could see the thin line of his blood still on the blade. Lola’s grin widened when she saw where he was looking and she leaned over to casually wipe the blood on his pants.

“Follow me,” she told him once she had straightened up again. Nathaniel knew better than to disagree so he obediently trailed after her. She walked them over to another car, blue this time, and gestured for him to open the door to the backseat. “Come on now, haven’t got all day.” She prodded him with the blade and Nathaniel stopped hesitating.

With one last deep breath, he opened the door and slid inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the slight delay. It was my little cousin's birthday party yesterday so everything was a little crazy. I hope you all liked the chapter. I will try to update again soon. Also, as a heads up, my family is going out of town Thursday afternoon and we won't be back until late Monday, so I won't be able to update during that time. So I will try and get as many chapters in as possible this week to compensate. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn’t his father in the car. Nathaniel might have been relieved if Lola hadn’t slid in the seat next to him before closing the door with a firm click, trapping him between the two. Determined to not panic, Nathaniel shifted his attention to the man next to him. Romero was the same imposing figure he had always been, even jammed into the backseat of small car. He shifted slightly to watch Nathaniel, face blank. Nathaniel bit back a groan when he felt the knife return, this time trailing across his lower back where his shirt had ridden up. He knew better than to break the silence first.

For a moment, the only noises were soft breathing and the gentle shifting of the driver in front. Even Lola was silent, content with waiting for her brother to speak. Nathaniel worked to control his breathing; the longer the silence dragged on, the more afraid he became. Silence was never a good sign, neither with his father nor the Master; it was the calm before the storm. The blade was cold against his skin, a constant threat to keep him in line. Memories of the last time he had seen Romero were beginning to surface in the silence.

He remembered the way his mother had struggled against him, viciously punching and kicking the large man. The way she had fallen immediately still when Lola had put the knife against Nathaniel’s neck. Romero had sat in the back of the car with them, an impassive force to counteract the destructive happiness that was his sister. He had been in charge of Nathaniel’s mother but he hadn’t laid a hand on her the entire time, except to stop her from intervening with Lola. Nathaniel had been in too much pain at the moment to think about it. Now, with the pain medication numbing the worst of his injuries and Lola’s blade still, he realized why. His mother had been saved for his father’s hands; he hadn’t wanted anyone else touching her before he could. Nathaniel wondered if that was why Lola was holding back, so that his father could carve into his flesh alone.

“Relax, Junior.” Lola finally broke the silence. Nathaniel hadn’t realized he had tensed up so much. He tried to relax as best as possible and cringed slightly when her blade dug into his back in response. “We aren’t here to kill you. Yet, anyway.” Lola added. Nathaniel could hear the smile in her voice; as if his death was the greatest gift she could be offered. “Your father sent us to give you a message is all. He wanted to give it to you himself; it’s been so long since he’s seen you and all, but he’s quite busy.” Nathaniel could barely hide his relief. He hadn’t wanted to die; not at their hands at least. The Moriyamas would provide a more merciful death than any of the Butcher’s men.

“What’s the message?” His voice was steady. Lola began to move the knife again, sliding it across his lower back and up underneath the shirt. She traced the old spiral scars, the tip of the blade teasing the puckered flesh. Nathaniel wasn’t surprised that she knew where they were – it wouldn’t be Lola to forget such details.

It was Romero who answered him this time, his deep voice causing Nathaniel to recoil some in surprise. Lola huffed a quiet laugh when the blade dug into his back. “Stay where you are. Do not return to Tetsuji.” It took a moment for the words to sink in. Nathaniel didn’t understand – his father had sold him to the Master. He had chased him and his mother across the country and halfway across the world to give Nathaniel to the Master. And now he was telling him to stay away. To stay with the Foxes, who as far as Nathaniel knew, had nothing to do with any of this. Except that they had Kevin, but even that connection was worthless to his father. Kevin had nothing to do with them.

Romero didn’t seem to be inclined to answer Nathaniel’s unspoken question. It was Lola, after a moment of silence, who did. “Things are getting interesting up with the Main branch. Your father is protecting his investment.” Nathaniel didn’t know what she meant. He wasn’t his father’s anymore and the idea of him being protected by him was laughable. Lola seemed to be able to sense his disbelief because she laughed, tracing the lowest spiral on his back hard enough to draw blood. “Not you, of course. His position. Kengo Moriyama is dying. Bad heart; the doctor’s have given him the year but it could go any day now. His eldest son, Ichirou is slated to take over the branch when he goes. Your father wants to make sure he stays the right hand man to the family.”

Nathaniel was silent for a moment. He managed to keep the surprise off his face, but his mind was still reeling with the information. Kengo Moriyama was dying. Nathaniel wondered if Riko and the Master even knew – the Branch family was unimportant and estranged from the Main family. He shuddered to think what Riko would do with the news – he had spent so much of his life trying to get the man to acknowledge him. Nathaniel himself had never understood that particular desire – he had spent too much time trying to stay out of his father’s radar that he couldn’t imagine actively trying to get the man’s attention. He shook the thoughts of Riko away viciously. How RIko would take the news wasn’t his concern right now. He had no idea what any of this had to do with him or the Foxes the Master had sent him to.

“Probably wondering what this has to do with you.” Lola’s voice was sickly-sweet as her blade traced back down Nathaniel’s back, slicing the unmarked skin between the scars. “It’s not so much about you as it is your mother. See, your father lost quite a bit of trust when Mary ran with you. Kengo was furious that he couldn’t control his wife better; and the lost money didn’t help anything. Your father managed to smooth it over when he presented Kengo with your mother’s head – quite literally I might add,” Lola spoke the last part with pleased laughter in her voice. The reminder wasn’t necessary to Nathaniel – he had been there when his father had hacked it off to present it to his master. The crack of bone against dull steel was not a sound he would ever forget.

“However,” Lola continued when she felt there had been enough of a lull, “some of the other family members were not as quick to forgive. Now that Kengo is fading, they are expressing their doubts to Ichirou. Shakeups are common when power shifts, and they are almost always bloody. Your father’s position is in jeopardy and he’s determined to keep it. Which means he needs to discredit any potential contenders. Following?” Nathaniel waited a moment before carefully shaking his head. He still didn’t know what this meant for him. Lola tsked disappointedly and dug her knife deep into his side as punishment. Nathaniel couldn’t stop the low gasp that came out that time.

“You used to be smarter, Junior. Some of the people who are going against your father have begun looking at the Branch family. Specifically, they are placing bets on Riko. They don’t like the idea of non–family members having so much power so they are urging Ichirou to bring it closer to home. Of course, Riko still has to prove himself, but the fact that Ichirou is even listening is a problem. He has to prove Riko is unfit – too volatile, too weak. That’s where you come in. You’re prime real estate in this battle, if you make it to the pros, you’re worth thousands. The Branch family owns you and any money you might make, but the Main family still has a claim to a good part of that, especially because Mary stole so much from them. Riko’s already on thin ice because of the Kevin Day incident – the Main family is watching closely how he handles that mess. Add you leaving on top of that, and Riko might just snap enough to deter even the ones most skeptical of your father.”

Nathaniel stayed quiet, allowing the information to sink in. It only took him a moment before he spoke. “The Ravens didn’t send me to David Wymack.” He spoke it quietly, without any inflection. He knew it was true without Lola’s confirmation. The Ravens hadn’t sent him away; the Master would never have let him leave willingly with all of this going on. He was probably one of the men who wanted Riko to rise up with his brother. His father had arranged it; had pulled him out after Riko had beaten him. Nathaniel felt a rush of hatred and fought to keep the anger off his face. He didn’t need his father in his life; he had dealt with the Ravens for so long because he had been grateful to be away from his father. Grateful that he hadn’t jut been killed. But now his life was in his father’s hands again, as a piece in a game he had never wanted to play.

“Of course not.” Lola laughed as if the realization should have been obvious. “We pulled you out once Riko was done with you. He’s pretty impressive with a knife by the way. Makes me wonder what you did to anger him. Strip a little too slow for him?” Nathaniel could hear the teasing laughter in his voice and tensed at her words. In his anger, he barely noticed the dig of her knife. “Doesn’t matter, really. You were out cold, so we made sure you couldn’t run and left you outside David Wymack’s door. We figured he would take you in; he likes his misfit freaks well enough. Plus, we knew the press would get a field day out of two Ravens defecting to the worst team in the league. Bad press always tends to anger the head bosses.” Nathaniel barely heard all her words – his brain had seized up when Lola spoke of leaving him outside Wymack’s door.

“You cut my legs.” Nathaniel’s voice shook with anger. He felt Romero shift toward him, the only indication that the man was still paying attention. Lola’s knife stilled in warning against his skin. He ignored it. They could have ruined him. The cuts were so deep – it could have ended his career before it began. Nathaniel had thought Riko had done it in anger – the idea that his father’s men had done it all for this twisted, stupid plan was enough to get his blood to boil.

“We had to; needed to make sure you stayed put and did what you told. It’s a warning for you. You know what will happen if you run. You need to stay there, heal up, and play for the Foxes. Do anything you can to make Riko snap, show the Moriyama’s he’s too risky to put support behind. That shouldn’t be too hard; you’re obviously quite good at pissing him off.” Lola was all business now, the laughter entirely absent from her voice. She hadn’t appreciated Nathaniel’s anger, it seemed.

“What if I fail? There’s no guarantee they will even want me to play for them. And the M- Tetsuji might warn Riko to stay calm around us. He’s kept his cool in public all the time that Kevin was the assistant coach for the Foxes, there’s no way to know if that will change with me,” there was no reason to add that Riko had taken his anger out on Nathaniel and Jean nearly every night since Kevin had betrayed them.

“Make them let you play. Get on your hands and knees and beg the Coach if you have to. Get on your knees and show him the benefit of keeping you, if you must. I don’t care what you do, just do it. And Riko’s obviously unstable, all you have to do is find the right places to push him, and he’ll collapse. It doesn’t even have to be in public. The Moriyama’s will notice that he’s a threat to them even if he never so much as curses in public. He’s controlled you for so long, any sign of disobedience will rile him up and he will try to curb you the same way he always has. The Moriyama’s won’t take lightly to him trying to destroy one of their investments again and they will act on it.”

Nathaniel didn’t respond. What Lola was asking him to do was ridiculous. They wanted him to betray the Ravens, to be the one thing his father hated more than anything else. Sure, everything owned by the Branch family belonged to the Main, but his father was asking him to pit the two sides against each other. That was a betrayal that would get Nathaniel killed if they ever found out the truth. Plus, they wanted him to use the Foxes to do it. Nathaniel didn’t particularly feel anything towards the team or their staff – he had only met a few of them and only two had left a decent impression, but he was human and the idea of using innocent people in this game made him sick.

“What if I don’t do it?” he asked, finally. He felt Lola’s knife, which had fallen to her side as she got bored of torturing him with it, suddenly move up his torso. She placed it just under his ribs, at an angle that ensured it would pierce his lung if he so much as breathed too hard. The smile was back in her voice as she spoke.

“We pay another visit. And you won’t walk away from that one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you all liked this chapter. I wanted to try and answer some of the beginning questions with this chapter as well as set up the rest of the story. Thank you for reading and I will try to update again soon.


	7. Chapter 7

The drive back was mercifully silent. Lola had stayed behind with her brother, evidently content with the mess she had made of his back and neck. Nathaniel could feel the blood pooling in his seat from the deeper slices in his back and knew he would need stitches there. It didn’t matter - they would heal quickly enough and the pain was mixed in with his other wounds and dulled by the medication. He was more preoccupied with what he had been told than to worry about a few more scars, anyway.

His father was losing his position. Kengo Moriyama was dying. Had it been another life, Nathaniel would have been pleased. In this one, however, Nathaniel was very much scared. He didn’t want to help his father, didn’t want to betray the Master. Nathaniel knew what the Master had planned for Kevin once the man returned and that was only for Exy. Nathaniel was betraying the entire family in order to help his father. He’d be skinned alive or dismembered or beaten with Exy racquets or – Nathaniel’s mind came up with many theories of what the Master would do to him when he found out. Nathaniel should return to the Nest the moment he was free from the driver, out of his father’s immediate grasp.

Except he was never truly out of his grasp, Nathaniel knew that now. His father had taken him from the Nest and he didn’t know how. It was entirely possible that the Master already thought Nathaniel had betrayed them, just like Kevin. He wouldn’t listen to Nathaniel if that was the case, only punish. Nathaniel couldn’t handle a punishment right now. And what the Master would do was nothing compared to what Lola promised to do if he failed. Nathaniel didn’t have a choice. He would have to return to the Foxes; would have to work with them, use them for his father’s wishes. The thought of having to use the Foxes was worse than having to betray the Ravens. Apart from Kevin, who would always be more Raven than anything else in Nathaniel’s mind, they didn’t deserve what was coming to them. Even Andrew, with all his threats and creepy smiles, didn’t deserve the wrath that Nathaniel would bring to the team by staying.

The car pulled to a stop all too soon and Nathaniel was pulled from his thoughts by the touch of the driver. He flinched viciously, no longer caring about keeping up appearances, and hurried out of the car, tired of being by his father’s men. The driver made no attempt at stopping him and drove away the moment the car door slammed. Nathaniel watched it leave; only turning once he was sure the car was heading out. The house loomed in front of him and Nathaniel took a deep breath before he began walking to the door.

It swung open before Nathaniel reached it and he jumped back instinctively, cringing at the pain that had shot through his legs. A tall, middle-aged man stood in the doorway, arms crossed across his chest as he glared down at him. Nathaniel stepped back minutely, keeping himself just out of arm’s reach as he waited for the man to lunge at him. David Wymack may have been lenient with his players’ bad habits and shortcomings on the field but Nathaniel had learned at a young age to not trust older men. Being an inadequate coach did not mean he was not dangerous.

Wymack didn’t reach out for him though. Instead, as if reacting to discomfort, he put his arms down slowly and stepped back, just enough that Nathaniel could squeeze by him. Nathaniel did not feel comfortable walking so close to the man, but it was obvious Wymack was not going to move any further. Nathaniel steeled himself and walked past the man, tensing when he turned to follow him. Nathaniel headed to the kitchen, careful not to over-stretch his legs. He could feel the sticky wetness of fresh blood as it dripped from the gashes and knew the stitches had been completely ripped out. It would have been smarter for him to stay still but Nathaniel needed to prove that he was capable of movement. He needed Wymack to allow him on the team.

He made it as far as the dining room before Wymack said anything.”Sit your ass down here,” Nathaniel nearly jumped when he heard the gruff, masculine voice, and he was quick to respond, sitting in the chair Wymack had quickly pulled out for him. Nathaniel worked to not flinch or tense up when the Coach sat down across from him. For a moment, Wymack said nothing, just staring impassively at Nathaniel. Nathaniel stared back, reluctant to let the man out of his sight. It was Wymack who gave up a moment later, sighing as he leaned back away from Nathaniel and broke eye contact.

“Andrew said you ran off to go meet someone. I didn’t think you were so stupid, with those cuts. Guess we know who was right, don’t we?” Nathaniel didn’t quite understand how Wymack did it, but he managed to make Nathaniel feel guilty without laying a hand on him. He was the type of man that Nathaniel immediately wanted to please, even if only to make sure his larger frame stayed far away enough from him.

“I had to meet with someone. My father – my father wanted to make sure I was alright.” Nathaniel spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. He couldn’t tell Wymack the full truth, of course, but he needed to tell him enough that the coach wouldn’t be on his guard. Nathaniel needed to stay here and the only way he could do that was if he had this man’s trust.

“You met with your father and came back even bloodier than you arrived? Aaron’s going be pissed you stained his shirt. And Abby’s not going to be too happy that she’s going to have to stitch you all up again. You already looked like a goddamn life-size Chucky doll.” Wymack drawled, unimpressed with Nathaniel’s excuse. Nathaniel covertly sat back, eyeing Wymack’s arms that rested on the table. From the way Wymack shifted back as well, his arms disappearing to his sides, his discomfort hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“I fell.” Nathaniel knew it was a weak excuse, but he was tired and drained. Wymack shot him a completely skeptical look and he added, “Into a rose bush. My legs were unsteady.” Wymack snorted, but decided not to push it.

“Well, I kicked everyone out to wait for you, so you are going to have to wait until Abby comes back with the monsters before she can stitch you all up.” Nathaniel barely hid his shudder. He didn’t like the idea of being alone with Wymack, especially with the fact that Wymack had purposely set it up that way. Nathaniel wondered what punishment he had thought up – it was the only thing he could think of that Wymack would want them alone for. The Master had done that when someone had really displeased him and he hadn’t wanted to distract the others from practice.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Wymack’s tone was resigned. Nathaniel blinked in confusion; he hadn’t thought he was looking at him in any particular way. “Stop looking at me like I’m about to reach over and snap your damn neck.” He added gruffly, leaning in towards Nathaniel. Nathaniel fought the urge to cringe back; his eyes darted downwards. Wymack’s gaze was too intense. “Listen to me closely, I’m not the Master,” Nathaniel’s eyes darted back up in surprise. Wymack huffed. “Yeah, I know all about that bastard and the shit he used to pull; Kevin spilled it all once when he got drunk in my apartment. I’m not him – I don’t own you, I’m not going to beat you, starve you, or abandon you. You are not property, you are a human fucking being and I’m going to treat you so. So don’t ever act like I’m going to attack you the moment you look at me wrong. It’s just going to piss me off more than if you just tell me you’re uncomfortable, understand?”

Wymack stared at Nathaniel intently until he nodded. Nathaniel didn’t know what to make of Wymack – he seemed sincere, but Nathaniel had learned young to be wary of men, older ones in particular. On the other hand, Wymack was known for his borderline obsession with giving disadvantaged youth every opportunity he could; Nathaniel could very well fall into his category of misfortunate teenagers. Nathaniel almost felt guilty that he would just be another disappointment to the man; he would either leave once he accomplished what his father wanted, or he would be dead. Either way, he wouldn’t be what Wymack wanted.

“I’m glad we could come to an understanding.” Wymack leaned back, apparently not quite done with his speech. “Now, we need to discuss what we are going to do from here on. For now, you can stay at Abby’s without attracting attention, but if this is going to be a permanent thing, I’ll need to get some information to give the board. Kevin says you’ve graduated high school last month and the fact that Moriyama dealt with you means you’re qualified as far as I’m concerned but –“

“You’re going to let me stay?” Nathaniel interrupted him with surprise. He hadn’t thought it would be this easy – he had thought a lifetime of dealing with kids like him would make Wymack more weary. More intelligent. Wymack shot him an incredulous look.

“Were you dropped on the head as a kid? Actually, don’t answer that. I’m sure you just “fell” a lot.” It was impressive how much venom Wymack could put into a single word. “Of course I’m going to let you stay. I sure as shit not going to return you to the Ravens. I’m going to offer you the same deal I offered Kevin - heal up and play for me, and I’ll keep you as far from the Moriyamas as I can.”

Nathaniel stared for perhaps a moment too long. He couldn’t help it. He had expected this to be an impossible task but here was Wymack, willing to give Nathaniel everything on a silver platter. Nathaniel had never known a man to put trust in someone so easily. Not any that survived long anyway. Wymack rolled his eyes at Nathaniel’s surprised response.

“Knock it off with the kicked puppy act, would you? It’s pathetic and I’ve got shit to do besides worry about your obvious problems. I don’t get paid enough to be your damn counselor. Besides, Abby’s going to be back any minute, and the moment she sees you bleeding all over her chair, she’s going to flay me alive. I’d rather you be back in bed before that could happen. So let’s talk business and then I’ll carry your ass up the stairs.”

“That won’t be necessary, I’m fine to walk.” Nathaniel inwardly balked at the idea of Wymack carrying him. He wasn’t a child or an invalid – and besides, being carried would make it much easier for Wymack to toss him over the stairs.

“Don’t start pulling that bullshit on me. You’re hurt and I’m not going to let you do more damage for the sake of your fucking pride. I already carried your ass up there once and I’ll do it again.” Wymack’s voice booked no argument and Nathaniel found himself agreeing despite himself. It would be easier to just please Wymack and stay on his good side. Besides, Andrew and the others weren’t here to see Nathaniel’s weaknesses and he doubted Wymack cared enough to use it against Nathaniel.

“I’ll be able to play as soon you clear me. I’ll sign any papers; you just got to give them to me. I’m eighteen so you don’t need to worry about my father.” Nathaniel wanted this over quickly; he was incredibly tired. Even if he had to be carried to it, a bed sounded wonderful.

Wymack nodded. “You won’t be on the court for at least a month. And I already have enough backliners, so you’re just going to be an extra sub. Which is good, because otherwise the board would be on my ass for signing you so late. We’ll get you healed enough for Abby’s approval, then we’ll put you on and see who you work best with.” Wymack paused then, peering at him, waiting to see if Nathaniel agreed.

Nathaniel thought it over for a moment. If he was stuck in the sidelines, Riko would be able to mostly ignore him. Nathaniel needed to put himself in the spotlight, to challenge Riko head on in a way that his normal position didn’t do. If he wanted to unbalance Riko, he would have to confront him on his own field. “No,” he told Wymack, making his decision and pushing aside the fear that followed. “You don’t need another backliner. Sign me as a striker sub.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I really like writing Wymack. Just so everyone knows, me and my family are going out of town tomorrow and won't be back until Monday. I will try to post something tomorrow, but if I don't do it, you can expect the next chapter on Monday or Tuesday. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Wymack stared at Nathaniel. Nathaniel stared back, heart thumping. He didn’t like to be under the spotlight like this. He had to though. The easiest way to anger Riko would be to challenge him in his own position. Nathaniel had played as a striker before; he knew the basics of the role and was confident that he could pick the rest up easily. The Ravens would see his change of position as a betrayal greater than switching teams – they had molded him into a backliner, performing as something else would be the same as throwing all the hours they spent training him back into their faces.

“You’re a backliner. The Moriyamas trained you as a backliner. Why the hell would I trade a Raven-level backliner for a striker? I already have one of those and he’s a pain in my ass.” Nathaniel could hear the dismissal in the tone clearly. Normally that would have been enough to deter him but fear of his father trumped fear of Wymack; he needed to convince Wymack to allow him to play as a striker.

“The Ravens did train me as a backliner,” Nathaniel began, thinking quickly of a lie to convince the coach. “That’s why I want to switch; if I’m not a Raven, I don’t want anything to do with them at all. They trained me in defense because they already had Kevin and Riko; not because I was good at it or enjoyed it. I was a tool that they exploited; not a person. You told me you wouldn’t treat me that way again.” Nathaniel added the last bit with a slight catch in his voice. He hadn’t meant to accuse Wymack of anything; he didn’t want to anger the man.

Wymack sat still for a moment and for a split second Nathaniel’s terror nearly sent him reeling from his chair. The Master had always gone still right before his cane came down. He wouldn’t be able to dodge well from the chair if Wymack decided Nathaniel had been too disrespectful. To his surprise, Wymack leaned back instead of forward, eyeing him with calculating eyes. Nathaniel looked down instinctively and had to force himself to breath in the tense silence.

“Fine, I get that you don’t want to play backliner. Why striker? Andrew told me you couldn’t stand Kevin, why would you want to work with him on the court?” Wymack finally spoke, fingers drumming impatiently against his arm as he leaned far enough that his chair tipped dangerously back. Nathaniel took his gaze away from the large hands to meet Wymack’s gaze again. He didn’t quite understand the look in Wymack’s face but pushed away his confusion to answer.

“I played it in little league for a bit, when my coach was trying to find where the kids did best. It’s been a while since then, but I know the basics and I can pick up the rest before the season starts. As far as Kevin goes, we both know better than to bring personal things to the court. The M- Coach Moriyama didn’t allow time for personal problems. I’ve seen him play enough to know the type of player Kevin is. I can mold my style to his well enough.” Nathaniel finished, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Wymack’s face instead of dropping back to his hands. The Master had hated eye contact unless in public and Nathaniel had learned from his childhood to keep his eyes on someone’s hands to avoid being hit. He needed to gauge Wymack’s reaction though, to know if he had been successful or not.

Wymack stared at him for a moment longer, searching for something Nathaniel was sure he didn’t have, before Wymack shrugged, dropping his seat back onto all fours with a loud crack. Nathaniel winced slightly, but remained motionless otherwise. Wymack tactfully ignored the involuntary movement. “What the hell, right? It’s not like we can go any further down. Besides, my last striker sub didn’t work out; I could do with another one. I’ll get you up to rest and then make some calls.” Wymack stood up and Nathaniel immediately did the same. He winced at the pull on his abdomen but forced himself to remain standing. Wymack eyed him, unimpressed. “Don’t know why you’re standing, I told you. I’m carrying your ass up those stairs.”

“I’m fine. I can walk.” Nathaniel replied automatically. He had let the fight go earlier, but the knowledge that Wymack hadn’t hit him yet encouraged him to push a little more.

“I'm sure your mama’s proud. Didn’t ask and don’t care. You aren’t walking up those steps anymore today. If you’d rather wait for Abby to show up with the boys and have one of them carry you, go right on ahead.” Nathaniel let the thought of letting any of them hold him in their arms cross his mind for a moment before he shook his head violently. He didn’t want to see anymore of Nicky’s strange pity, he didn’t know Aaron at all, the thought of having Kevin touching him made his skin crawl and he was mostly sure Andrew would drop him halfway up the stairs for a laugh.

Wymack snorted at Nathaniel’s response before walking to the other side of the table. He stopped just short of being able to touch Nathaniel and waited. Nathaniel stared at him for a moment, obviously nervous. His entire body ached. He could feel the blood drying on his back and on his thighs. He knew he couldn’t make it up the stairs by himself. But the idea of willingly putting himself in Wymack’s reach sent his skin crawling more than the thought of the stairs. Wymack stood silently, waiting for Nathaniel to make the first move. The Master would have already struck Nathaniel for his hesitance; the fact that Wymack did not even seem a bit angry helped steel Nathaniel’s nerves. He took a small step forward, putting himself in Wymack’s reach. His eyes darted down before he could see the small look of surprise flit across Wymack’s face.

Nathaniel closed his eyes when he felt the hands on him. It was instinctive even though the hands that touched him were light, pulling on him gently. He tensed when his feet left the ground; he had been carried before but never like this. Wymack’s body was large and hard against Nathaniel’s, a nearly suffocating presence, but his touch was gentle. In the past, Nathaniel had been roughly shoved into someone’s arms, mostly Jean’s but sometimes Kevin’s, and he had always been jostled and bruised by grips that were much too tight. Wymack carried him lightly, secure enough that Nathaniel would not fall but loose enough that if Nathaniel needed to, he could break the grasp.

Nathaniel tried to keep his breath steady as Wymack began the trudge up the stairs. He hated the feeling of insecurity and weakness. The Master would have been angry at Nathaniel for this; Nathaniel expected anger and harsh hands. Wymack’s gruff but kind demeanor had been strange; this gentle grasp was alien. Nathaniel was grateful when they reached the landing. He pushed against Wymack’s arms and Wymack put him down without a fight. He was watching Nathaniel and he stepped back from him willingly. Nathaniel didn’t quite understand the expression on his face – a strange mixture of anger and pity, but he decided to ignore it. Wymack was a strange man, but he was helping Nathaniel accomplish what his father needed him to do. That was enough for him. He didn’t need to understand the man’s confusing emotions.

“Abby will be back soon. I’ll send her up as soon as she gets here, so I suggest you get some rest in the meantime. Try not to get too much blood on her sheets.” Wymack turned away before Nathaniel could get himself to nod. He kept watching the man’s back until he turned back into the dining room, out of Nathaniel’s sight. Nathaniel stood there a moment more before he turned and forced himself to walk into the bedroom that had been given to him.

Wymack’s parting words had stuck to Nathaniel and he made sure to lie on his stomach rather than his back. The weight of his body made the wounds of his chest ache and Nathaniel had to struggle with himself to keep from twisting his neck in a painful position just so he could see the door. He had always slept on his back or his side against the wall, keeping both the door and Jean in his sight. It was an uncomfortable feeling to allow himself to be blind to the room, but Nathaniel had gone a long time without angering Wymack, and he was determined not to ruin that by staining the sheets. He squirmed around a bit before he was finally in a position that pulled the least on his wounds and he allowed himself to relax some and take stock of his situation.

Relief was not a foreign feeling to Nathaniel. He had felt it when his father inexplicably let him live; when he had done well at practice and won the Master’s favor, when he had gone to his room without Riko joining him for his nightly games. Each time before this had been tinged with desperation or fear; discolored at times by an almost hysterical happiness. He had never felt relief like this before; a relaxing calmness that soothed Nathaniel’s pains to a dull ache. Wymack was letting him stay with no motives other than Nathaniel playing for him. Wymack had accepted Nathaniel without question, put trust in him that he hadn’t earned with his blood and sweat.

The feeling was almost enough to overcome the guilt Nathaniel had at betraying that trust. But Nathaniel knew his place in the world. He wasn’t a Fox and nothing would change that. He had thought he was a Raven, property of the Master but even that was ultimately untrue. Nathaniel was a Wesninski and no amount of money or kindness would change the fact that his father held Nathaniel’s life on a thin, tattered string. Nathaniel might be able to stay with the Foxes because of Wymack’s strange generosity, but he was here because his father needed him to be.

He was nothing but property, and Wymack’s treatment of him, as if he were actually a person, was as temporary as any other thing that had given him relief before. He always eventually made a mistake at practice, Riko always came back into his room the next night; relief never lasted. Not for things like Nathaniel.

With that thought, Nathaniel drifted into an uneasy sleep, the lingering ghost of Wymack’s gentle touch almost as painful as the marks carved into his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked the chapter. Its a little shorter than the others, but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible, because I haven't been able to update the last couple days. I should be able to update normally again for awhile, so you can expect the next chapter either tomorrow or the day after. Thanks for reading. I will try and update again as soon as possible.


	9. Chapter 9

Nathaniel’s month of inactivity passed slowly. Abby had forced him to stay in bed for a week once she had seen the state of his stitches and the new wounds on his back. She hadn’t believed the lie he had given to Wymack either and her silent anger as she cleaned his back had been enough to keep Nathaniel obediently in bed. Once the week had passed, Nathaniel had been allowed to limp around the house but Abby had been adamant that he stayed inside and away from arduous activities.

Since Abby was working at the university clinic for the summer and Wymack had convinced the school to allow the cousins and Kevin to move in early, Nathaniel spent most of his days alone. It was an odd feeling – Nathaniel had no living memory of ever being alone. The Master had paired Nathaniel with Jean the moment the French boy had arrived and before him there was Kevin and Riko who kept Nathaniel with them at every waking hour. Before Evermore, Nathaniel’s mother had been a constant, worrying presence at his side. Nathaniel found the solitude disconcerting and he had quickly begun turning the television on the moment Abby left to fill the silence. Most of the time, he had left it on whatever channel it had been left on but sometimes he was able to catch Exy news or even a game.

Nathaniel couldn’t help the anxiety that passed every time the news had coverage on college Exy, but Riko never showed up on the screen and no mention of his name was ever given. Nathaniel could only assume that the Master had put a blanket ban on his name, much like he had done with Kevin after Riko destroyed his hand. Because Nathaniel would have not been an official Raven until this year, his absence was not as noted as Kevin’s had been either. He might have been relieved by that if it was not for his father and he wanted from Nathaniel. He hadn’t heard from Lola though and he forced himself to think that was good news. He couldn’t afford to let himself stew over whatever she might be planning for him should he fail.

Nathaniel’s mandated solitude was about to end though, which was enough to drive Lola from his mind temporarily. The rest of the Foxes would arrive today for the beginning of summer practice. The fact that they had been allowed an entire month between the end of the school year and summer practice was completely absurd. The Master would have never allowed his athletes to be away from the Nest for so long. If he was pleased with them, they might have been given a week to visit their families, but never more than that. It was little wonder to Nathaniel why the Foxes were so behind. He wouldn’t say anything about it though – for the first time that he could remember, Nathaniel didn’t have any cuts or bruises on his body at all. He wasn’t keen on risking his health by running his mouth so early in the season. Wymack had withheld from any violent actions so far, but Nathaniel still felt uncomfortable around him.

Abby had offered Nathaniel a ride to the Tower before she had left, but he had refused. Her house was only a few miles from campus and he was eager to finally get some real exercise. He dreaded returning to the court and seeing how much he had fallen behind. He was sure the Foxes wouldn’t notice the bad performance but Kevin was sure to. Nathaniel hated to appear weak in front of the man. Even if it was only a five mile run, any exercise before entering the court would be good.

Nathaniel packed up the few outfits Abby had given him into a duffle bag he had found in her closet and took off after forcing himself to eat a late lunch. His muscles were stiff from disuse but Nathaniel quickly fell into the familiar rhythm. He had always enjoyed running – it was the one place he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. The Master was not able to dictate a correct or wrong way of running, as long as it was fast, and Nathaniel had never had a problem with that. He arrived at campus thirty minutes later, several minutes past his usual time. He slowed to a walk and forced himself not to think about how out of shape he had become. The Master would’ve bruised Nathaniel’s calves for their performance and then forced him to run another five miles.

Nathaniel pushed thoughts of the Master from his mind and began looking for the dorms. Nathaniel had never actually spent much time on Edgar Allan’s campus, considering he hadn’t been a student yet, and he was slightly overwhelmed by the size of the Palmetto Campus. The weeks he had spent with only Abby’s and occasionally Wymack’s company had left him unprepared for the milling mass of summer students. The unfamiliar faces threatened to overwhelm him. In the Nest, he had known every person and there had never been this many around him. When he had attended games and public interviews, he had always been with the Master or other Ravens. He knew what the people around him expected of him and what he couldn’t do. Here, he was lost and unsure of what to do. It was a completely alien feeling.

Nathaniel forced himself to keep walking and breathe deeply, fighting the anxiety that had surrounded him. Once he found the Fox Tower, he was sure to feel more comfortable again. The Foxes would live together there and for the rest of summer, they would be the only people Nathaniel would be required to socialize with. He was sure to find his footing once he had some familiar faces and knew what would be expected of him. At the very least, Wymack was sure to lay out the expectations for the players today at the meeting. The Master had always clearly stated what the players were expected to do outside of Exy at the first meeting. The Foxes were a ragtag team but even they were bound to have some guidelines. Having them would allow Nathaniel to focus better.

“Hey!” He nearly jumped at the loud call and immediately turned around. An incredibly tall man was walking towards him. It took Nathaniel a moment to place him as Matt Boyd – he hadn’t had the obnoxious spikes in any of the pictures he had seen – but once he did he forced himself to be calm. Matt would be one of the men he was rooming with; he couldn’t afford to appear weak in front of him. “Nathaniel, right?” Matt spoke again once he had caught up with him. He gave a short nod and Matt enthusiastically thrust a hand out. Nathaniel nearly flinched before he realized Matt wasn’t reaching out to hit him. Hesitating for only a moment, he obediently took Matt’s hand and gave it a short shake. If Matt noticed his discomfort, he tactfully pretended otherwise.

“Abby said you’d be here anytime. Coach figured you wouldn’t know your way around, so I was sent to come find you. I already picked up Renee and Dan, so you can meet them once you get to the dorm.” Matt smiled at him brightly before he began walking again, in the complete opposite direction Nathaniel had been heading. Nathaniel obediently followed, ignoring Matt’s loud chatter in favor of his own thoughts. Now that he had someone to follow, some of his anxiety had ebbed away and he was able to focus on his new teammate.

Matt was an enigma to Nathaniel – he had seen his performance and knew he was capable of being on a far better team. Nathaniel could already tell he didn’t have the same movement issues that Nicky had. The only explanation Nathaniel could come up with was the obvious track marks that marred his bare arms. The Foxes were probably the only team foolish enough to accept such a risky player – one bad decision could throw Matt off the bandwagon and the Foxes off their season. The Master would have never accepted such a player; even if they were completely clean, a player with such obvious scars would have been a stain to the Ravens’ unblemished record. Most likely, all the other teams were the same. Wymack was probably the only Class I coach dense enough to take on such a player.

“Are you even listening to me?” Matt’s sudden stop caught Nathaniel’s attention more than his words did and it took him a moment to understand what he had said. Once he did, Nathaniel flinched slightly. Matt seemed more amused than irritated at his distraction but Nathaniel was not reassured by that. Riko had seemed jovial at least half the times he had been cutting Nathaniel into pieces.

“I’m sorry, I was distracted.” Nathaniel shifted subtly on his feet, gauging the distance between Matt and him. He could probably dodge in time. Matt didn’t try to hit him though. He shrugged and gave Nathaniel a wide grin instead.

“I understand. I was completely freaked my first day too. Didn’t think I was ready for a Class I team, even if it was the worst in the division. Kind of refreshing to see someone who was going to be a Raven a little unsure though. Kevin pretty much had me convinced you were all conceited dicks.” Nathaniel thought of correcting Matt but thought better of it. In the Ravens, arrogance was an automatic defense and telling a player of their faults was the way to establish dominance in a violent pecking order. Kevin had probably continued that trend with the Foxes due to habit. Nathaniel didn’t want to be lumped in the same category as him so he kept his opinions quiet.

Matt seemed to realize Nathaniel was not going to respond because he shook his head slightly and continued moving. “I was saying that Dan was freaking out about you having met the cousins first. Andrew isn’t exactly the most welcoming team member.” Matt led them outside of the main campus and Nathaniel realized they were walking to a small hill just outside the main road. A large four storey building stood at its peak and Nathaniel assumed that was the Fox Tower.

“I can handle him,” Nathaniel replied once he realized Matt was again waiting for his response. Matt shot him a slightly incredulous look. Nathaniel wondered if perhaps he should’ve pointed out Matt’s flaws anyway. He didn’t want to seem weak-willed by his teammates. He had handled far worse than Andrew’s sociopathic tendencies and he didn’t want his teammates to think he needed protection from him. If Andrew noticed, he would think Nathaniel feared him, and fear would feed his aggression and apathy. Nathaniel had seen Riko tear apart new Ravens the exact same way and although he didn’t particularly fear Andrew, he didn’t want the antagonism either. He had enough to deal with because of his father.

“I thought I could deal with him too,” Matt finally said as they made it to the entrance of the tower and he swiped them in. “He put me in my place pretty solidly. I know the Ravens aren’t the best people in the world, but you should know, Kevin stayed here because he thought Andrew could handle them.” Nathaniel wanted to correct Matt but stopped himself. He didn’t know what Kevin had said about the Ravens but he highly doubted it was everything. If it was, Matt would know very well that Andrew, vicious guard dog that he apparently was, was on a completely different playing field than the Moriyamas and their associates. If the Master truly wanted Kevin back, a tiny blonde teenager was not going to stop him.

Matt seemed content to let that strain of conversation stop as they loaded into the elevator. There was enough space in the elevator for the two boys to comfortably spread out but Matt stayed at Nathaniel’s side, either unaware or uncaring about his discomfort. Nathaniel shifted closer to the wall and covertly shifted his bag to put some space between their bodies. The movement caught Matt’s eye.

“Coach said you wouldn’t have much, but I didn’t think it would only be a half-full bag. We’re going to have to take you shopping later. You need bedding and school supplies at the very least. I’ll take you in my truck after the team meeting.”

“The team doesn’t provide it?” Nathaniel asked in surprise. The Master had always ensured that his Ravens were equipped with the exact same materials upon their acceptance. The only differences in the Ravens rooms were personal books and small items. Everything else was the same. “How does Coach Wymack ensure you have the same things?” he elaborated when Matt gave him a questioning look. He knew the Foxes were a disjointed team but he couldn’t fathom the idea that their disunion continued all the way to something as simple as bedding.

Nathaniel had thought it a reasonable question and he didn’t understand the look Matt was giving him. The man was peering down at Nathaniel with a mixture of confusion and pity, as if he couldn’t quite understand Nathaniel but thought him in the wrong anyway. Nathaniel wondered if Matt had inherited the look from Abby – he had seen it a lot in the weeks he had lived with the nurse.

“Coach doesn’t care what our beds are covered in, or anything else like that. We pick our own things.” Matt said finally, sounding as if he was choosing each word carefully. He was still staring at Nathaniel oddly and even though he still felt lost at the concept of such freedom, Nathaniel decided to keep his mouth shut. The elevator came to a step and Nathaniel quickly stepped out, grateful to put a little space between them without seeming to mean to.

“Which way to our dorm?” He asked Matt when he realized that the boy was still in the elevator, still looking at him with his curious expression.

Nathaniel’s question seemed to rouse him from his thoughts and Matt’s odd expression was quickly replaced by a grin. “Right there,” Matt said, pointing to a door just right of the stairs. “Good old 321. I already moved all my things in and since you only have the one bag, we can go ahead and meet Renee and Dan first. They’re in the room next to ours.”

Nathaniel stayed still while Matt brushed past him to lead the way. Meeting Matt had been strange and he wasn’t sure he could handle meeting two more of the Foxes. But Matt wasn’t waiting for Nathaniel; he was already knocking on their door with a series of light raps. Nathaniel took a deep breath and steeled himself to walk over to the suite. He managed to get there just as a girl’s voice called out that the door was unlocked. Matt shot him another smile before he opened the door and gently nudged Nathaniel inside. Nathaniel forced himself to not tense and steeled himself to meet the curious gazes of his two new teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked the chapter. It had a bit less going on than the others, but I hope you guys liked Matt. I wanted to write the introduction of the girls too but it was getting a bit long and I wanted to be able to post the chapter tonight, since I didn't update yesterday. I'm also sorry that the ending is a bit abrupt but I couldn't think of a good way to end it besides this sort of cliffhanger. I will try and update as soon as possible but because of some family business, it might not be up tomorrow. Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, as a warning to everyone, this chapter has some elements of self-harm. I will be adjusting the tags to reflect that, but I thought I would give everyone a heads-up.

Nathaniel forced himself to walk fully inside, leaving room in the entry way for Matt to slide in after him. His eyes glanced over both girls before he settled on the closet to him. Like Andrew, he could recognize her immediately. Danielle Wilds had made a name for herself as the only female captain in all of Class I Exy. Every current player knew her name. They said she was weak and ineffective, a terrible leader for a terrible team. Standing beside her, Nathaniel silently disagreed. Danielle exuded confidence and grace in the way she held herself – head high, eyes straight, a bright, easy smile on her lips. She was the type of captain that might have shined had she had a better team.

“Hey, I’m Dan. It’s nice to meet you.” Dan raised a hand for him to shake. Nathaniel, prepared for it, didn’t flinch away this time but griped it firmly. Dan’s smile widened some as he dropped her hand. “This is Renee. She’s basically an angel.” Dan pointed to the girl to her right. Nathaniel had glimpsed over her in favor for his new captain, but now allowed his gaze to fall completely on her.

Renee was perhaps the strangest member of the Foxes. The Foxes were a team of misfit with major attitude problems. Nearly every one of them had been caught up in the fights that had plagued the team last year when Kevin transferred. Renee however, was noted as being both a calming influence on the court and a kind, peaceful girl in interviews. How she had ended up with the temperamental Foxes had always been a mystery to Nathaniel – she wasn’t quite good enough for the Ravens, but her skills and temperament should have had USC’s coach all over her. Instead, she had been one of the three girls signed by Coach Wymack three years ago.

Even her appearance was a complete contradiction, Nathaniel realized. Her clothes were conservative and accompanied by a small golden cross necklace around her neck but her hair was a shock of white with a multitude of pastel colors decorating the ends. The Master would have never put up with such an inappropriate display of individuality.

Renee smiled serenely at Nathaniel and held out a small hand for him to shake. Nathaniel did so obediently. “It’s really so nice to meet you. Kevin’s told us some, but it’s really much nicer to meet someone for yourself.” Nathaniel nodded but didn’t say anything in response. He didn’t like that Kevin had been talking about him – he didn’t know what the older man would’ve said to the Foxes. Nathaniel knew that had any of them asked him about Kevin, none of his responses would be pleasant. He wasn’t worried about the Foxes having a good opinion of his personality – teams were supposed to work together, not be popularity contests. And he wasn’t here for friends anyway. He did however; need the Foxes to trust him. If Kevin had told them how weak his injuries had made him or even worse, about Riko’s control over him, Nathaniel’s chances of being trusted would crumple.

“He says you’re excellent, which is shocking coming from him.” Dan interjected, staring at Nathaniel appraisingly. She seemed less interested in the small talk that Renee had started with and went straight to the point. “He spends most of his time talking about how terrible and unprepared we all are.”

“You are.” Nathaniel’s response was out before he could even stop it. He was so used to judging other players with the Ravens that being honest about their abilities was second nature. Dan’s face darkened and Nathaniel shifted away slightly. He had seen her lay out players much larger than him on the field. She was downright vicious. “I mean,” Nathaniel trailed off, unable to come up with the words that could take back what he had said. He had always been good with speaking the first thing that came to his mind and not nearly as skilled at explaining them away. It didn’t help matters that Matt was standing besides Dan now, staring at Nathaniel with a small frown.

“I’m sure Nathaniel simply meant that we aren’t up to the Ravens’ standards that he grew up around.” Renee stated softly, stepping almost imperceptibly between Dan and Nathaniel. She smiled reassuringly at Nathaniel, knowing he had noticed her movement even if the others hadn’t. Nathaniel stared at her. No one had ever come to his defense when he spoke out of turn before. Most of the time, all they had done was get out of the way for Riko or the Master to punish him. Sometimes, they had taken it up themselves to do the punishing.

“I didn’t mean to be rude,” Nathaniel said, turning to look at Dan again. He found it too difficult to continue looking at Renee. “What I meant was that you guys are skilled, but you aren’t prepared like you should be. That’s all.” Dan stared at him for a moment. Nathaniel discreetly took a step back, putting himself out of her reach. He didn’t notice the way Renee’s smile faded slightly.

Neither Dan nor Matt noticed his movement. They stared at him intently and Nathaniel stood still, staring back silently. He resisted the urge to fidget, remembering how the Master always hated the wasted energy. Finally, Dan cracked a wide smile and Matt grinned.”I like you better than Kevin already. You’re honest, but you aren’t a total dick about it. Why don’t you sit down? We’ve got some cookies to share.” Dan gestured towards several small chairs the girls’ had placed in the suite’s living room. Nathaniel could not tell if she was being sincere, or if she just wanted him in an easier position to punish him. It would be a lot harder to dodge if he was sitting. He remained standing, unsure.

It was Renee - odd, strange Renee - who came to his rescue once more. “Dan, Allison just texted me. Their flight landed early and she and Seth are on their way to the court now. Andrew and the others are already there. We should join them.” Renee had pulled out her phone when Nathaniel had turned away and was now showing the message to Dan and Matt.

“Damn. I was hoping to warn Nathaniel about everyone before he was thrown into the ring.” Dan shook her head but went to grab her stuff anyway.

“He already met the monster and his group. Dealing with Seth and Allison is a piece of cake compared to them.” Matt replied, the easy grin still on his face. Nathaniel wondered what exactly Andrew had done to the team to have earned the scowl Dan gave in response.

“A couple minutes with Abby’s supervision does not count as meeting Andrew.” Nathaniel wondered if Abby had been the one to spread that story. He doubted Andrew would care if his teammates knew what he had done but the nurse might have lied to keep the peace among the team. Nathaniel could still feel the hard fingers Andrew had placed on his neck. He was starting to think the little psychopath was the only person on this team Nathaniel understood.

“Andrew isn’t that bad,” Renee stated, sliding her phone into her pocket. She still wore a smile but even Nathaniel could hear the slight rebuke in her tone. Dan just scoffed, unconvinced but didn’t argue with Renee; Nathaniel wondered if Renee often came to people’s defense like this. It was such an odd thing.

“Nathaniel told me he could handle it. I’m sure it’ll be fine. He was a Raven after all.” Matt threw an arm around Dan casually and grinned at Nathaniel over her shoulder. Dan turned slightly to look Nathaniel up and down. She didn’t seem convinced.

“I can.” Nathaniel told her. He didn’t bother saying anything else. It was obvious Dan wouldn’t believe him. He walked to the doorway and waited patiently while Renee grabbed her purse and then went straight to the elevator. He knew he was being rude and that the whispers Dan and Matt were sharing were probably about him, but he didn’t care. These people were strange; nothing like the Ravens. He had hoped they would help ground him but they were so odd to him that it left him more uncomfortable than the strangers milling around had.

The whispers stopped once the others caught up to him. In silence, they waited for the elevator. Matt stood beside him on one side, Renee on the other. He felt closed in, trapped. Nathaniel had never felt this way in the Nest; people had been all around him but he had always been able to move away, to disappear for a few private moments. The only times he had ever felt trapped there was when Riko had brought out handcuffs for the night games. Nathaniel rubbed his left wrist, remembering the way the cold metal had dug into the skin.

The elevator was taking too long. Matt and Renee were too close. Nathaniel could feel the warmth of their skin, just inches from his own. He stopped rubbing his wrist. His fingers dug into the pale lines that had been etched into the skin. He was back in the Nest. Riko loomed above him, strong arms holding his body just above Nathaniel’s. He could feel the heat of his skin through dark clothes. Nathaniel could feel the ghost of his breath down his neck as Riko leaned down to whisper in his ear. His breath caught in his throat. His nails dug deeper. Blood bloomed beneath them, staining the tips red.

The pain grounded Nathaniel. He breathed out silently. “I’m going to take the stairs.” He said, glad that his voice was clear. The elevator dinged and the doors were slowly opening but Nathaniel stepped back. All three of the Foxes turned to look at him and he shifted his hand slightly so that the red marks on his wrist could not be seen. Matt and Dan looked merely confused but Renee had a look of deep concern. Nathaniel didn’t know if she had heard the way his breath had caught or seen the blood on his fingertips. It didn’t matter. He took another step back.

“I don’t like elevators.” He offered in explanation. Matt’s face scrunched with a mixture of concern and guilt.

“Man, I’m sorry! If I’d known that, I’d have shown you the staircase! We’ll walk down with you.” Matt and Dan took a step forward to join him and Nathaniel took an instinctive one back. He forced himself not to tense. Matt and the girls were not going to hurt him.

“No, no. Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you down there.” He waved them off with his uninjured hand. Dan and Matt didn’t look convinced. It was Renee, with her face carefully arranged into a gentle smile, that stopped them from joining Nathaniel. She placed one hand in between the elevator doors, stopping it from closing, and the other on Matt’s shoulder, gently pulling him towards her.

“We’ll wait at the entrance. Take your time.” With that, Renee pulled more forcefully. Matt turned with her. Dan turned into the elevator last, face scrunched into a small frown. Nathaniel didn’t move as the doors closed behind them. He stood still, breathing deeply, calming himself. The memories had hit him hard. He hadn’t expected that. When he was in the Nest, Riko had been a constantly looming threat but he had never haunted Nathaniel. Nathaniel’s breath had only ever caught when he knew he had done something wrong; when pain was imminent.

His father hadn’t even haunted him like this. His days with the Ravens had been filled with bright court lights, the crash of bodies against each other, the crack of wood against wood, the swish of the ball, the slash of a cane. His nights with the glint of a blade, the clank of handcuffs, the rustle of clothes and sheets, Riko’s soft laughter. Nathaniel hadn’t had time to be haunted. Exhaustion, adrenaline, pain and exhilaration; these things had led his body and cleared his mind. He hadn’t had time to be haunted. Hadn’t had time for his mind to take him over; to paralyze him with anxiety. The pain had made him fierce, determined, a Raven.

Here though, in the month he had spent in peace, he had changed. Nathaniel was dull, anxious. His mind conjured demons from the air. Made him frightened of ghosts. Nathaniel’s true threat – his father, wasn’t enough to keep his mind from jumping erratically. His father wasn’t here, ready with a blade or a cane. The pain only came in his mind; it wasn’t enough to sturdy him.

Nathaniel looked down at his arm. The red crescents stood stark against the pale skin of his wrist. They had been shallow cuts, the bleeding already stopped. But it had been enough to ground his mind. Had been enough to fight back the claustrophobia that had threatened to overcome him. Nathaniel placed his fingers back over the cuts. Pressed down hard. Blood rushed back up, welling up around his nails. Clarity rushed into his mind.

Nathaniel needed pain, he realized. He needed it to remain in control of himself. Riko and the Master had seen to this; had taught him to function through agony. Before them, his father had conditioned him with pain, taught him to behave with the threat of his fists. Now, without the immediate threat of pain, Nathaniel was overcome with the fear of what could happen and of what had happened. That wouldn’t do; Nathaniel knew he needed the control. If he continued to be like this, he would be worthless on the court. Worthless for his father’s plans.

Nathaniel didn’t think the Foxes would understand if he told them what he needed. Wymack had assured him he would never hurt him, and Abby had seemed horrified by his injuries when he had first arrived. He had thought the players could help ground them but they were strange; only Andrew had seemed willing to hurt him. Maybe Kevin. He didn’t want to relinquish control over himself to Kevin or his pet. Nathaniel wanted the control himself.

The warmth of fresh blood dripping down his wrist woke Nathaniel from his thoughts and he looked down again. He had driven his nails down the length of his wrist, marring the thin scars with ragged scratches. Nathaniel smiled at the sight. It was a grim smile; his father’s smile. Deftly, he wiped his wrist against the wall, smearing the blood against the white paint. He made his way to the stairs, no longer anxious to meet his new teammates.

If Nathaniel needed pain, if he needed fear more immediate than the fear of his father, he would provide it himself. The only person he would fear on the Foxhole court would be himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry for the lateness of this post. It's been a little crazy at my house (I'm finishing this up while my cousins are all fighting and yelling). I hope the next chapter will be up quicker but I can't make any promises since my youngest cousin's kindergarten graduation is tomorrow and they'll be out of school for summer later this week. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter. I had some problems with writing Dan and Renee (which also contributed to the lateness of this post) but I hope it turned out okay. Thank you for reading! I'll try to update as soon as possible.


	11. Chapter 11

Nathaniel quickly made his way downstairs. The others were standing at the entrance, waiting for him. Matt saw his approach first and smiled sheepishly. Nathaniel waved his silent apology off with his uninjured hand. Matt’s guilt was interesting but unnecessary. It served no purpose, especially because it was built on a lie. Nathaniel reached them and they immediately began walking. Dan and Renee were chatting quietly as they led them back out of the building, Matt walked side by side to Nathaniel but left enough distance between them that he could maintain a clear head.

Nathaniel tried to listen to the conversation but the girls were discussing the newest movie releases. He had never really liked movies – they were too long and the hours spent watching them were ones he could use for practice or sleep. Moreover, the Master found them pointless as well, which meant very few could be found within the walls of the Nest. Nathaniel quickly abandoned his half-hearted attempts at following along and turned his thoughts to more meaningful subjects.

Nathaniel had now met all the Foxes but three and he was less than impressed by them. Kevin was an excellent player but he was also spineless, untrustworthy, and apparently unpopular with the other Foxes. Kevin might have been one of the best players to ever grace the Exy court but his terrible personality meant that he would be nothing but divisive on any team. Andrew was easily the best goalkeeper in the division but he was a violent sociopath who apparently terrified his teammates. That itself could be forgivable, but Nathaniel also knew, based on the few interviews he had seen him in as well as what Riko had said, Andrew could care less about the game. A man who didn’t care had no right to touch a racquet, let alone step on a Class I Exy court.

Nicky had spirit and enthusiasm but, as Nathaniel had observed when he had first arrived, had horrible control of his movements. He was the weakest player physically. A team was only as good as their weakest player and the Foxes were all dragged onto the backliner’s subpar level. Matt was a great player – easily the best defensive player the Foxes had to offer; but his old addiction made him a potential threat to the stability of the team. Dan was a confident leader and a good player but her inability to transform the Foxes from a ragtag group of rejects into an effective, cohesive team made her role basically useless.

Renee was a strange beast entirely. She was effective on the court – not nearly as devastating as Andrew could choose to be; Nathaniel still vividly remembered the game where he had shut down the goal almost entirely – but her kindness was her own detriment. Nathaniel didn’t think she had the viciousness in her to play the game. Exy was a blood sport and a girl like Renee didn’t seem willing to spill anyone’s blood. Nathaniel had only heard rumors of the other players but he doubted they would improve his opinion of the Foxes any. Aaron Minyard was loads better than his cousin but he was also Andrew’s twin brother, and according to Nicky, nearly as disagreeable. Allison Reynolds was fierce on the court but Nathaniel had always thought she spent too much time on her appearance. He had seen her in pre-game and post-game outfits; the amount of time she spent on her hair alone was probably enough time to improve her skills ten-fold.

Seth Gordon was the oldest Fox and the only one left from the original lineup – that alone should have been testament to his fighting spirit and abilities. Unfortunately, his spirit didn’t end with his opponents as it should – half the fights the Foxes had gotten into were internal, and nearly all of them were caused by Seth. Nathaniel was no stranger to violence from his teammates but the Ravens had always had enough sense to keep any discord off the court, like professionals should. All fights started and ended in the confines of the Nest; that was one of the reasons Kevin’s split was such a violent betrayal. He might not have aired everything to the public but leaving the Ravens’ side proved that all was not a perfect union and that was unacceptable.

“- what do you think, Nathaniel?” Nathaniel’s thoughts were interrupted by Dan’s suddenly loud voice. Nathaniel couldn’t resist the flinch that shuddered through his body. Dan raised an eyebrow at his violent response but was stopped from saying anything by Matt.

“He wasn’t paying attention. He did it earlier, too. It’s kind of ironic considering all the Ravens are so anal about attention.” Matt said, smiling. He went to throw an arm casually around Nathaniel’s shoulders, but Nathaniel discreetly shifted away, making the arm fall back uselessly. Matt frowned slightly but didn’t say anything else, just tucked his arms back against his sides.

“Sorry,” Nathaniel said, self-conscious at the looks the girls’ were giving him. Renee in particular seemed rather concerned, an inexplicably dark expression on her face. Nathaniel had the distinctively uncomfortable feeling that Renee understood his discomfort with Matt all too well. That alone set him on edge. “I don’t really like to be touched. And I didn’t mean to not pay attention, I just… was distracted.”

After Nathaniel spoke, he realized they had stopped walking and were standing in front of the Palmetto Stadium. Nathaniel wanted to get a good look – his only impression so far was of a large, strikingly white building with far too bright orange accents. He wanted a deep understanding and appreciation of the building he would be spending so much time in. The Master had always glorified the Ravens’ stadium to the point that Nathaniel had been nearly reverent with it. He wanted that feeling with this one. Unfortunately, Matt was a constant distraction for him, filling Nathaniel in on their conversation as Dan searched for her keys.

“- Well, then we got to Disney movies and started talking about our favorites. Dan loves the Lion King but I always found Mufasa’s death scene traumatizing. Renee loves Meet the Robinsons, but that’s not a classic, so obviously it doesn’t count. Everyone knows the best ones started in 1989 and ended in the 90’s. Everything else is still good of course, but the 90’s were the golden years. Dan says I’m being pretentious and she asked your opinion on that since Renee’s too nice to judge people. So, what’s your favorite? I really like the Little Mermaid myself but Mulan is fantastic too.”

Nathaniel’s mind swarmed with all the movie titles. If this is what the Foxes chose to discuss while a court stood in front of them, just waiting for them to enter and train, it was no wonder they were so terrible. The Master would’ve beaten them bloody for even disgracing the ground in front with such an inane discussion. Nathaniel thought briefly about bluffing his way through but he couldn’t tell the difference between a lion king and a tiger queen; the Foxes would know he was dishonest. Nathaniel needed them to trust him. He opted for the truth. “I’ve never seen a Disney movie so I couldn’t tell you.”

Dan had finally found her keys but she had turned to stare at him, right alongside Renee and Matt. Dan and Renee were surprised but Matt looked downright devastated. He flailed his arms in a surprisingly expressive movement and Nathaniel took a step back instinctively. It would be just like a Fox to get violent over something so pointless. “Never? Like, not even Cinderella or Snow White?” Nathaniel shook his head, feeling incredibly impatient. The court was right there and all they were doing was standing in front of it discussing children’s movies. Nathaniel had been away from the court for far too long; he itched to get back. To prove that he was still worth something.

“What about when you were a kid? Surely your mom showed you some? Or your dad?” Nathaniel tried to picture either of his parents introducing him to such movies. He nearly laughed at the absurdity.

“My parents didn’t have time for such things. Besides, after my mom died when I was eleven, my father sent me to Coach Moriyama to live. My childhood was Exy.” Nathaniel’s voice had nearly caught as he used the Master’s name. That had only ever been allowed in interviews; the inappropriateness had threatened to choke him.

Matt and the girls looked suddenly guilty. They must not have thought about Nathaniel’s unusual upbringing. They should’ve, considering Kevin had lived with them for a year, but the strange looks on their faces meant they obviously hadn’t. Nathaniel wondered what it was that could’ve upset them. He had spoken truly; Exy had been the sole focus of his life once his father had spared him. Exy had been his entire purpose. It hadn’t left time for any worthless pursuits. N o one spoke for a moment in the tense silence. Nathaniel had just been about to usher them all ahead so he could finally see the court but Renee spoke first.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother. It must have been hard.” Nathaniel stared at her, Exy momentarily escaping his mind. He hadn’t even realized he had mentioned his mother’s death; it was simply a fact. Hearing someone express condolences about her murder was as foreign as any other strange kindness any Fox had bestowed on him. Riko, Kevin and the Master had known the circumstances of her death – Riko and the Master felt she had gotten what she deserved and if Kevin thought any different, he had always been smart enough to keep quiet. At least back then. None of the other Ravens knew or cared, and the Master had always kept his past relatively private from the press.

“It was a long time ago. She wouldn’t have bothered with Disney movies anyway. Can we go in now? I thought everyone was waiting for us?” Nathaniel finally said, tearing his eyes away from Renee and her strange words. He stared expectantly at Dan, pointedly ignoring the worried looks Matt was giving him and Renee’s sad expression. They weren’t necessary; Nathaniel’s mother had died excruciatingly and no strange reaction of the Foxes was going to change that. Some of his impatience must have slipped in his voice because, with one last meaningful look between Dan and Matt, she finally turned and opened the door in front of her.

Nathaniel allowed the others to step in front of him and enter the building. Once Renee had passed, he pressed against his wrist hard. The sharp pain from the scratches cleared his mind. His mother was the past; a past so long ago her face was nearly a blur and her voice a faint whisper. The only clear memories he had anymore were tinged with frantic fear and agonizing pain. Pain that would become much more familiar if he failed his father. Breathing deeply, he forced all the thoughts from his head. Right in front of him was a court as well as the team break room. Within that room was the rest of his teammates, waiting to begin the first meeting of the Exy season. Nothing else mattered.

Nathaniel released his wrist after another hard squeeze and followed Renee’s retreating back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for another slightly delayed update. A family emergency came up and it made updating hard. It's probably gonna still be rocky over the next week or so and my aunt's kids are now out of school for the summer, so updates will probably continue to be a little late. This chapter is slightly shorter than the others but I wanted to get it out tonight and I also thought it would have gotten too long if I had continued it. Also, Matt's obsession with Disney is a head cannon I saw on tumblr so all credit goes to whatever person first suggested it on there. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I will try and update again as soon as possible.


	12. Chapter 12

Nathaniel breathed easier the moment he stepped into the building. The lights weren’t on all the way and he couldn’t really see the court beyond the plexiglass but he knew it was there. He was back where he belonged. Nathaniel couldn’t stop the grin that flitted across his face. No matter what happened – if he got beaten, abandoned, tortured - he always ended up back on the court. The court was the only place in the world that felt like home.

He hadn’t realized he had stopped until Renee called out to him in question, her voice soft. Nathaniel tore his gaze away from the darkness behind the glass and turned to her. His grin must not have completely faded because an easy smile spread across Renee’s face in response. “I’ve always thought there was something special about an empty stadium; when it was just you and the court. After the meeting, I’ll turn the lights on for you. I’m sure Coach won’t mind.” Nathaniel turned back to the court for one last look. The desire to see it now was almost overwhelming but he didn’t want to push it.

Silently, he turned and went to meet Renee. She smiled again once Nathaniel reached her and then she turned to continue down the hallway. The hallway opened up into a spacious room. The walls were a clear white and the furniture all matched the obnoxious orange that had decorated the outside. Most of the seats were already taken; Dan and Matt were sitting on one of the couches and Kevin and the cousins were all squished together on the other. Nathaniel pointedly ignored Andrew’s brightening grin as he sat in the armchair furthest from them.

Andrew leaned forward to address Nathaniel and he tensed himself in preparation for a fight. He knew Matt and Dan were watching and he had to prove he could deal with Andrew’s insanity; otherwise the upperclassmen would never fully trust him to handle himself and they would never allow him the freedom he needed to antagonize Riko in the upcoming season. Andrew seemed amused at Nathaniel’s reaction. He opened his mouth to speak but Renee neatly interrupted.

“It’s wonderful to see you Andrew. How was your summer?” Renee’s sweet voice brought both Andrew and Nathaniel’s attention to her. She smiled at Nathaniel as she sat beside Dan and then promptly returned her attention to Andrew. He was grinning at her, evidently having forgotten about Nathaniel.

“Uneventful.” Nathaniel didn’t allow his body to relax as Andrew amicably responded. He didn’t understand why Andrew was humoring Renee but Nathaniel doubted Renee could truly handle him. “Well, except for our newest charity case, of course. Should’ve seen him all bandaged and bloody; I give him a month before we break him.”Nathaniel could see Matt bristle at Andrew’s crude description of him but the taller boy wisely didn’t say anything. Nathaniel himself was unperturbed. He’d heard worse from Riko when he had first arrived at the Nest.

“I think Nathaniel is stronger than you give him credit. He’s quiet, but he lived quite a while with the Ravens. I’m sure he’ll fit in just fine here.” Renee replied, her smile never wavering. Andrew stayed silent for a moment, pretending to ponder her statement. Then he turned towards Nathaniel once more.

“What do you think, Nathaniel? Renee has some confidence, but she didn’t see you all bloody, did she? Didn’t see what you let Riko do to you. All those big ouches, and not one on your arms. Never fought back, did you? You won’t last.” Nathaniel knew he shouldn’t respond; he should sit quiet and wait for Wymack to appear. Talking back to people had never worked out for Nathaniel in the past. But Andrew’s grin was wide, taunting. He knew Nathaniel didn’t want to respond; knew he’d been conditioned to keep quiet and ignore verbal abuse or risk it becoming physical. But Nathaniel had never been good with that particular conditioning and Andrew was frankly infuriating. It didn’t help that Kevin was sitting beside Andrew, his body still and face earnest. Nathaniel knew Kevin was warning him; silently urging him to not respond, to not provoke Andrew. All the more reason, Nathaniel thought viciously, to do just the opposite.

“I think you’re an asshole who doesn’t know a damn thing about living with the Moriyamas. I would’ve thought Kevin might have mentioned a thing or too, but he’s such a fucking coward I’m surprised he can speak at all.” Nathaniel leaned in himself, bringing himself closer to Andrew. He knew Matt and Dan were tense on their couch, knew that Renee was no longer smiling. He knew Kevin was staring, horrified. He knew Nicky was tense beside his cousin, a nervous expression on his face. He knew even Aaron, who seemed completely uninterested in everyone, was staring curiously at Andrew and Nathaniel.

Andrew himself was still smiling but Nathaniel could see the edge behind it, the sharp threat behind the mania. Nathaniel pushed on before the fear set in. He promised himself he wouldn’t be afraid of anyone but himself. The scratches on his wrist were his testament. Nathaniel leaned in further. Andrew raised a mocking eyebrow, waiting for Nathaniel to speak.

“Don’t.” It was Kevin who spoke, leaning in front of Andrew to get Nathaniel’s attention. It took Nathaniel a moment to realize he had spoken in French; the language came nearly as easily as English after long practice. He knew from the confused looks around that no other Fox spoke French. Andrew himself was staring at Kevin with a mixture of surprise and glee; it was obvious he hadn’t known Kevin spoke the language but was delighted that Kevin had gotten involved. Andrew liked drama. Nathaniel debated answering in English - just to annoy Kevin – but he didn’t want any of the other Foxes getting involved.

“Don’t what? Anger him? I’m not afraid of your little pet, Kevin.” Nathaniel retorted, the French coming out rough with anger. It was easy for the anger to come out with Kevin in the room.

“You know what would happen if this was Riko. You know I only stayed because of what Andrew could do. Don’t be stupid. Drop it.” Kevin was a mixture of annoyed and concerned; Nathaniel could see the way his brow pinched together. It was a familiar expression; Kevin had worn it many times when Nathaniel was in a stubborn mood and he had tried to talk him down. It had never worked of course; and Kevin had worn it when he helped Jean stitch him up afterwards as well. The memory of Kevin’s rough hands helping pull him back together after Riko had torn him apart stung; Nathaniel knew now what had driven Kevin. Kevin had made it clear when he left that he only looked out for himself. That fact made it easier to ignore him.

“You ran from Riko; you stayed with Andrew. If you’re too afraid to put a muzzle on your pet, I will.” Nathaniel glared at Kevin for a moment before he turned back to Andrew. Andrew was smiling mockingly, content to sit behind Kevin’s body. Nathaniel could see the glint in his eyes; he knew he had gotten the man’s attention. Andrew was appraising him, much the same way that he had done in Abby’s kitchen. He pushed Kevin back down and leaned in towards Nathaniel again.

“You know, little puppy, its rude to speak in front of people when they can’t understand you.” Andrew was taunting, his grin wide. “Want to repeat for the rest of the class?” Andrew gave a wide, arching gesture towards the rest of the Foxes. Nicky was visibly freaking now, looking very much as if he would like to jump in between him and Andrew, Aaron was watching with an arched eyebrow but an otherwise expressionless face. Dan was biting her bottom lip angrily, looking as if she wanted to jump in; but Matt had a hand on her arm, his own expression stony. Only Renee seemed completely unfazed; her smile was gone but she seemed content in letting Nathaniel and Andrew battle it out. Nathaniel turned back to Andrew.

“It’s no one’s business but mine and Kevin’s. Stay out of it.” Andrew’s grin widened at the challenge.

“Such brave words for such a small man. Guess you actually do have a spine - only whenever Riko’s not around? Or your daddy?” Nathaniel froze and a triumphant edge appeared at the corner of Andrew’s smile. He knew he had hit his mark. “I overheard Wymack and Abby talking about how you came back, all cut up and bloodied. Wymack said you told him you “fell”. Just like Kevin.” Andrew turned slightly towards Kevin, still smiling. “Guess the Ravens all have something in common, you’re all pretty clumsy, falling all over the place.”

Kevin didn’t reply to Andrew; his gaze was focused on solely on Nathaniel. Nathaniel didn’t bother acknowledging it; his eyes were focused solely on Andrew. He hadn’t thought Andrew would know that he had returned from his meeting injured. Or that he would have said anything in front of the rest of the Foxes. He could feel the heavy stares from their teammates and they pressed viciously against him. They had already known about Riko; that was a factor Nathaniel had to deal with. Nathaniel couldn’t afford them to be weary of his father too. If his men came for him again, he needed to be able to leave without raising any questions. Any suspicions could easily get back to the Moriyamas. Nathaniel would be dead before the season had even started.

Andrew was still watching him, his hazel eyes intent. Nathaniel knew Andrew wouldn’t back down; not as long as he thought he could be a threat to Kevin. He needed to rectify this; to back down and do damage control with the other Foxes. Nathaniel knew exactly what he should say to them – that he was bloody from opening up his wounds in a fall; that his father was a complicated but harmless man, that the only person who had put his hands on him was Riko. They would all be lies but he didn’t think the Foxes would question them – they had believed in his fake claustrophobia and they had backed off when it came to his mother.

Nathaniel knew that was the proper path; the smart path. But Andrew was still smiling that infuriating smile. Nathaniel wanted to see it shatter. Anger thrummed in his body and all he could think about was forcing the mania-induced grin from Andrew’s face. He knew he would regret it later; when his anger eventually faded, terror would set in to replace it. He didn’t care though. He shifted from his seat, propping himself on the very edge and glared directly at Andrew.

“You’re a foster kid, I get it. You never had a father or a mother to give a shit about you. A tragedy, I’m sure. But that doesn’t give you the right to run your mouth about mine. Keep my father’s name out of your mouth and back the fuck down about things you’ll never understand.” Nathaniel put enough venom in his voice that even Aaron blanched slightly, leaning back away from his twin. The rest of the Foxes were deadly still. All eyes were fixed on the small blonde. Even Kevin had shifted his horrified gaze to the man beside him.

Andrew’s smile hadn’t broken, but his entire body was completely still. Nathaniel felt a twinge of nerves breaking past the anger; he barely stopped himself from instinctively backing away. Whenever Riko had been this still, it never stayed that way for long. If Andrew attacked him now, Nathaniel didn’t want to show him his fear. Admitting that would be a point for Andrew in a game he couldn’t afford to lose.

Andrew moved. Nathaniel braced himself for a blow but Andrew simply sat back. He was still staring at Nathaniel, his grin a lazy tug on his lips. Nathaniel stared back. Andrew seemed to search his face for a moment, looking for something Nathaniel wouldn’t let out. Finally, after a tense moment, Andrew broke the silence. His laugh was still chillingly cheerful and it jolted all the Foxes by its loudness. Kevin and Nicky shot alarmed looks at the man in between them and Andrew ignored both of them. When his laugh had settled, Andrew returned his attention back to Nathaniel.

“Puppy does have a little bark to him, doesn’t he?” Andrew’s tone was cheerful but his eyes were cold. “Try and last a little while, won’t you? You won’t be as fun once I break you.”

Nathaniel opened his mouth to reply, the anger still pulsing through him; pushing aside any fear that threatened to overcome him. Before he could reply however, a voice rang out from the doorway. “What have I said about behaving, Andrew? Do we have to have this conversation every time?” Wymack had appeared sometime during Andrew and Nathaniel’s conversation with the two last Foxes. Judging by Wymack’s unimpressed face, they had heard at least some of the conversation. “I will prohibit you from speaking if I have to; that’s your last warning. Now, let’s put the bullshit aside and get to business. I have a lot of shit to say and I don’t want to see you all more than I possibly have to. Allison, Seth, find somewhere to sit your asses down and we’ll begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I hope you liked the chapter. I will try to update again soon! Thank you!


	13. Chapter 13

Nathaniel forced himself to calm down. He knew continuing to provoke Andrew at this point would be entirely reckless; he had no idea whose side Wymack would take and he couldn’t afford the older man’s anger. He settled for glaring at Andrew darkly and sat further back in his seat. Andrew gave him a cheeky salute and leaned back as well, his eyes never leaving Nathaniel’s face. Wymack gave both of them a heavy look but seemed satisfied when neither boy pushed the situation. He gestured impatiently at the two behind him and the final Foxes made their way around him.

Nathaniel would have been content to continue glaring at Andrew if it wasn’t for the blonde girl suddenly standing in front of him. Allison Reynolds looked every bit of the socialite she had been born to be – everything about her from the three inch stiletto heels to the perfectly curled platinum locks screamed wealth and privilege. Nathaniel knew that wasn’t quite true – Allison had given most of her wealth and her family name up in favor for Exy, an act that would have been admirable if she hadn’t been recruited by the worst team. Nathaniel didn’t know why she was suddenly in front of him – Seth had sat in the final empty seat, but he had shifted to one side in preparation for Allison and was now glowering at the two of them.

“Is something wrong? I can move if you want.” Nathaniel offered finally, when he realized Allison wasn’t about to move anytime soon. Seth looked about ready to murder someone and Nathaniel was leery of the larger man. He highly doubted any Fox would come to his aid after his spat with Andrew. Allison seemed completely unbothered by the striker’s anger and Nathaniel’s feigned apathy and simply smiled down at him.

“No, I’ll sit just sit here,” Allison sat primly on the arm of Nathaniel’s chair, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. She was close enough that he could feel the heat of her legs, which she had placed so that they dangled next to his. Her skirt had ridden up across her toned thighs. It didn’t seem comfortable to have so much skin exposed in the air conditioned room but Allison made no efforts to pull it down. She was too busy smirking at Seth over her shoulder. Seth’s demeanor had darkened more and he was glaring furiously at the two of them. Nathaniel assumed that they must have had some sort of fight on the way to the court. Why Allison had decided to sit by him, he didn’t quite understand. If she was worried Seth would turn violent, Matt would have been a better choice to sit by.

“Everyone settled then?” Wymack asked, a hint of sarcasm coloring his tone as he shot a look at Allison. She pretended not to notice and finally dropped her gaze from Seth’s glower to her fingernails. She fastidiously began to pick them as Wymack spoke; Nathaniel wondered idly why she felt she had to bend down so far to do so or why she had leaned towards him as she did it. “Glad everyone’s comfortable. Listen up; if you idiots aren’t paying attention, it’s your problem. Practices will start tomorrow at 8:30 and stay that way until classes begin. Then it’s 6 o’clock sharp. I will repeat myself for those hard of hearing. 6 o’clock in the morning. If you aren’t here by then, I will send Andrew to wake you. With water.” He glared at Kevin as he said this. Kevin glared back. He would have never dared if he was still a Raven. It was obvious to Nathaniel that Wymack had little control over his team if even someone as well trained as Kevin would forget his place.

“We will start out at the gym. If you come here instead of the gym, you will run five laps around the gym for every minute you were late to the gym. Understand?” Wymack looked at all the Foxes at that. Nathaniel thought he showed too much bravado – it was working on the Foxes to some extent but it was unnecessary. A good coach should never have to resort to such theatrics. The Master would never have stooped to such things. “Moving on then. I have these you need to fill out and return. Same disclosures and health forms as last year, I expect them tomorrow morning. Don’t bring them, you don’t practice. On that note, you all have to see Abbey for your physical before you leave. Don’t even try to sneak out.” He gave a hard look at the cousins with that. Nicky adopted a wounded, innocent look that didn’t even fool Nathaniel. Aaron and Andrew didn’t even bother with pretending.

“Any questions? Concerns?” Wymack began handing out the papers as he asked and Nathaniel silently took his copy from Allison. He wondered when Wymack would discuss the classes the Foxes would have to take and if he would give them their diet lists today or at the gym tomorrow.

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple concerns. Starting with him,” Seth gestured angrily towards Nathaniel. Nathaniel wasn’t surprised but he still barely held back the flinch. Seth was obviously a violent man; next to Andrew, he was the one most likely to hurt him. “He’s just some Raven reject, how the fuck are we supposed to know he’s any good?” Seth glared at Nathaniel as he spoke. Nathaniel barely resisted glaring back. He had heard disparaging comments on his abilities before -the Ravens fed on cutting each other down, but it had never been from any player as weak as Seth. The idea that someone so beneath him would dare insult him angered him but he already had enough trouble with Andrew. He didn’t need to anger a man he would be living with anyway.

“Kevin vouched for him and he was qualified for the Ravens. As far as I’m concerned that’s good enough. You’ll see him perform tomorrow at practice; until then, hold your damn tongue so we can talk about important things.” Nathaniel once again found himself comparing him to the Master. The Master had shut down several older Ravens who doubted Nathaniel because of his size or age but he had done so much differently. Every single player had shut up once Nathaniel had beaten them soundly on the court. He thought Wymack was a fool for not doing it the same. Seth would continue to be hostile as long as he thought Nathaniel inferior.

“Is Kevin vouching for him really supposed to be reassuring? He’s a fucking idiot!” Seth seethed, angrily glaring at Wymack as he pointed at Kevin. Kevin in turn scowled at him but didn’t say anything. Apparently he still remembered some proper behavior.

“A fucking idiot who can play this game better than any of you. Now shut your mouth and let me talk about the important shit. The schedule came a bit early this year. Seems there’s been a change in our district.” Wymack’s words were enough to get everyone’s attention and Nathaniel straightened up. His heart began to beat hard. There was only one team powerful enough to get the districts changed. Out of habit, his eyes gravitated towards Kevin. The man before him was pale but seemed unsurprised. It was obvious he had known before hand. Nathaniel wondered idly how badly his pet would take that. It gave him a vicious bit of pleasure that helped partially drown the horror at Wymack’s next words.

“The Ravens have switched to our district. We’ll be playing them in the fall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry this is so short but I haven't felt well all day and its getting late now, so I decided to edit and post what I wrote yesterday. I hope you guys liked it (I actually really liked writing Allison and Nathaniel), and I will try and update again as soon as possible (it should be quicker because I already have it sketched out in my head since it was supposed to be part of this one). Thank you for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

Nathaniel sat in silence for a moment; then chaos broke out around him. Dan and Matt were talking over each other, voices rising dramatically. Nicky had let out an indignant choking type of noise that had Aaron thumping loudly against his back. Allison had hissed angrily, finally lowering her hands and straightening up to face Wymack fully. Seth was laughing, a loud deep laugh that was tinged with anger and disbelief

. Nathaniel himself remained quiet. He had thought something like this would happen and even though the idea filled him with horror he had years of practice hiding it. He made himself seem calm as he sat besides Allison and took in the reactions around him. Watching the Foxes freak out so spectacularly helped him focus on them rather than his future reunion with the Ravens. Most he had expected – the Foxes lacked the mental training it took to be calm in situations like this. However Renee’s calm silence surprised him – her smile had been replaced with a deep frown but she didn’t seem particularly surprised by the turn of events. Nathaniel wondered if she had expected such retribution from the Ravens. He shuffled that thought away for later – his judgment of Renee evidently deserved a second look, and turned to view the reaction he was most interested in.

Kevin’s silence had meant Nathaniel’s attention had been pulled from him once the noise broke out but he turned back now. Kevin had gone dangerously pale but Nathaniel felt that had more to do with the small man who sat beside him than the thought of the Ravens. Andrew had obviously turned to Kevin the moment Wymack had spoken; expecting a horrible reaction. He didn’t seem pleased with the silent reaction and was staring intently at Kevin, waiting for a reaction that would never come.

Nathaniel, his anger still flaring and mixing with the panic that he refused to let show, reacted without thinking. “Hurts doesn’t it? Realizing he’s been lying to you. He’s known this entire time that Riko’s going to come for us, and he never breathed a word. Kevin’s good at that; thinking only for himself. Unless, of course, everyone’s right about you. A sociopath probably wouldn’t be hurt by something so little.” His words were cruel; he meant for them to bite. His control on his façade was fading; focusing on Kevin had made it worse. He couldn’t separate Kevin from Riko; they were two of the same coin. He needed to clear his head; he couldn’t hurt himself in front of all the Foxes, so he’d lash out. Andrew could hurt him when Nathaniel was unable.

His words worked somewhat. Andrew’s body stiffened and he leaned deeper into Kevin’s space. He ignored the rest of Nathaniel’s statement though; apparently his devotion to Kevin was more than just some drug-induced whimsy and wasn’t easily swayed away. Kevin himself had turned to stare at Nathaniel, flinching away slightly from Andrew.

“It’s not like that. I didn’t know for long. Wymack told me the day he found out, we decided to keep quiet until everyone was he-“ Kevin suddenly went quiet when Andrew placed a hand on his shoulder; alarmingly close to his neck. It was obvious from his small, cold smile that Andrew was not pleased.

“Shh, Kevin. Don’t look at the puppy. Look at me. You lied to me, Kevin.” Andrew’s movement had caught the attention of the rest of the Foxes and they fell silent, watching intently. Even Wymack, who had seemed content in allowing his team their outraged moment, shifted forward. Nathaniel wondered if he would turn violent. The Master would have ended the commotion with the back of his cane by now.

Kevin was still staring at Nathaniel, ignoring Andrew’s accusation. “It’s not like that, Nathaniel.” He repeated. He sounded slightly desperate. Nathaniel leaned back, letting some of his disbelief show across his face.

“Isn’t it though? Hasn’t it always been Kevin Day looking out for himself?” He allowed some of his anger to color his voice as he switched to French. He didn’t want the Foxes following their conversation.

“That’s not fair. I had to go, you saw what he did.” Kevin raised his hand. Nathaniel could see the ugly scars across his knuckles from his seat. He remembered the way the blood had spilled from them; the way Kevin had cried out; a heart rendering anguished sound. He had known his career was over the moment Riko had carved into his hand with Kevin’s own splintered racquet. Nathaniel had too. He remembered the pity he had felt in that moment; remembered how he had gone to get the bandages and gauze Kevin would need. He remembered that he had still been holding them when Riko had learned Kevin had left.

Jean had used them on Nathaniel when Riko had finished that night.

“You left because you are a coward.” Nathaniel hissed, clenching his fist in memory of that night. Kevin had left his broken racquet when he had fled and Riko opted out of knives that night. The piece Riko had used to re-carve the spirals in his back had hurt even more than the Master’s cane.

“I am not!” There was venom now in Kevin’s voice. “I left because there was nothing left for me there. The Foxes can provide more for me.” Nathaniel thought it pathetic that Kevin didn’t even seem to believe his own lie.

“Bullshit. You left because you knew the Ravens could never use you again. I know it, you know it, and the Master knows it. It’s only a matter of time until the Foxes figure it out too. Are they still going to be willing to put up with you once they realize you are nothing more than a worthless cripple?”

Kevin jumped up at that, anger evident. Nathaniel had pushed too far and not even Andrew’s strong presence at his side was enough to stop Kevin. Before any of the Foxes realized fully what had happened, Nathaniel was pinned against the wall, Kevin’s grip bruising against his shoulder. Nathaniel stared up at Kevin. The older boy had never turned violent against him; he had gotten angry and cursed at him, had threatened even. But when it came down to it, Kevin had always been alongside Jean, patching Nathaniel up. It was comforting, almost, to know Riko had been right all those times. Kevin really was just like him.

Nathaniel didn’t fight against Kevin’s grip but immediately went soft under him. It always went better if he didn’t struggle. On instinct, he closed his eyes and waited for the blows. The anger had drained from him some and all that was left was a deep resignation and a slight sense of satisfaction. He had gotten under Kevin’s skin, had made him feel just a fraction of the pain Nathaniel had felt in the months since he was absent. That was worth any little pain Kevin’s fists could give him.

The grip loosened from his shoulder and Nathaniel fell away from the wall. Surprised, he opened his eyes. Kevin was still in front of him but he seemed drained of all anger. He was staring down at Nathaniel, a horrified look in his eyes. He nudged forward a step, arms still raised slightly. Nathaniel immediately pressed himself against the wall. Any minute now, Kevin’s anger would return and replace the strangely guilty look that had crossed his face. The blows would follow soon after that.

But the horrified look didn’t leave. Kevin backed a step away from Nathaniel. He could see the other Foxes now. Matt had stood up, glaring incessantly at Kevin. Seth looked as if he was roaring for a fight, half stretched from his seat. Nicky seemed horrified, one hand near his mouth as if he had covered a gasp. All the others seemed a mixture of strange reactions – Nathaniel didn’t understand the look that had crossed Renee’s face although it was quite similar to the one she had worn when Nathaniel had backed away from Matt earlier. Allison and Aaron seemed mildly interested while Dan looked like she was ready to commit murder. Wymack seemed torn between letting them fight it out and intervening immediately.

It was strange that the altercation had gotten any reactions at all. The Ravens wouldn’t have even stopped to witness such a minor altercation. The only time they reacted at all was if the Master or Riko were involved. They had all learned quickly that it was always best to pay attention when those two were in the mix.

“Nathaniel, I – I-“ Kevin seemed lost for words, his face still a mixture of horror and guilt. Nathaniel didn’t understand it. Kevin was incapable of feeling guilt; he had proven that when he left Nathaniel and Jean behind to deal with Riko alone. Perhaps he was putting on a show for the other Foxes; they didn’t seem used to violent punishment and such reactions probably seemed severe to them. Kevin was doing damage control the best way he could. Anger turned Nathaniel’s stomach.

“Save it.” he told him viciously. It was obvious Kevin was not going to hurt him here, where there were witnesses. He would wait for him later, like a coward, and punish Nathaniel when they were alone. Nathaniel would fear him then; for now, his anger would continue to drive him. He pushed himself fully away from the wall and leveled Kevin with an icy glare, ignoring Andrew, who had stood up quietly.

“You’re just like them.” Nathaniel’s words were no more than a whisper but Kevin flinched viciously as though slapped. Nathaniel scoffed in disgust and pushed past him. The rest of the Foxes called out to him, several scrambling to their feet as Nathaniel brushed past them, intent on leaving them all behind. He couldn’t handle them right now; these people with their strange expressions and emotions. He knew he would be in trouble for ignoring Dan’s calls but he couldn’t bother himself to care. He would take their punishments later; now he had to get away before his façade cracked. He needed to leave while anger still thrummed inside of him.

Andrew blocked him, stepping neatly into his path just shy of the doorway. Nathaniel briefly considered pushing him aside but stopped himself in time. He had enough punishments to deal with without Andrew adding his own. Andrew was a silent block in front of him; seemingly content with simply standing in his way. His smile was mostly gone and his gaze intent. 'Nathaniel found himself brought back to Abby’s small kitchen, when Andrew had worn a similar expression, as if he was appraising Nathaniel. 

"Move.” Nathaniel finally said, his patience cracking. He could feel the panic coming now that Kevin was behind him. Lashing out at the traitor had been a successful distraction but his violent reaction had jarred Nathaniel and memories of Riko pushing Nathaniel against the walls of the Nest were threatening to overwhelm him. He needed to be out of the Foxe’s sight before he broke. He needed them to think him strong.

“Going to make me?” Andrew mocked, his lips stretching into a smirk. No matter Andrew’s irritation at being lied to and then ignored, his drugs would always reset him to amusement. Nathaniel was almost jealous at the ease the medicine allowed Andrew to turn off. He didn’t bother answering Andrew’s taunt and the boy grew bored after a moment. With a cheery smile at odds with his sharp gaze, Andrew stepped aside and allowed Nathaniel to pass. “

Don’t go running away!” Andrew called out for him, his voice rising tauntingly. “We’ll have to have a little chat about ‘them’ later!” Nathaniel didn’t bother turning around as he walked away. He knew Andrew’s heavy gaze was following him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm actually not quite sure how I feel about it - parts didn't come out quite the way I expected them to and its a little short, but it's getting late and I wanted to update tonight. I hope Kevin and Nathaniel were in character and that Andrew didn't suffer from being left in the background a little. I'll try and update again as soon as possible. Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

Nathaniel had barely made it to the plexiglass wall of the court before his knees gave out and he had to lean against the cold wall to remain standing. His anger had faded some, allowing fear to take its place. The spot where Kevin had shoved him burned – Nathaniel knew that it would bruise terrifically. Kevin’s face loomed in his mind – vicious and infuriated. He had seen the look before from the Master when he had failed to score an easy goal and from Riko whenever he had mouthed off. It had always been a look that meant pain was inevitable. Nathaniel had never seen the look from Kevin before and even though he knew how he really was, seeing it had jarred Nathaniel badly.

Kevin had been raised a Moriyama; he may have been merely a pet to Riko and a tool to the Master but that was still more than what Nathaniel had been. Kevin had been adopted into the family; Nathaniel had been sold. Nathaniel wasn’t a valued pet like Kevin, the only son of a late friend; he was payment and penance for his mother’s sins. Kevin had feared Riko – every Raven did – but before his hand had been destroyed, Riko had never gone too far. Nathaniel had always been the one who was carved into, the one tied to his bed and tortured just so Riko could hear him scream. Kevin had shared his days with Riko, his interviews, and his games; Nathaniel had Riko’s nights, his blades, and his torment.

Nathaniel had never noticed the distinction while growing up in the Nest. The Master had expected the same skill level and the same obedience. He had made no distinction when it came to punishing the two boys or any other of his Ravens apart from Riko. Riko himself had always given more attention to him – when they were younger, Nathaniel had thought it was because Kevin always played along and Nathaniel didn’t. As they got old and Riko’s attention had gotten a little darker, a little more obsessive, Nathaniel knew it was because he still had a temper whereas Kevin was more docile. Nathaniel had always just assumed Riko had thought him more fun to break, not that there was something different between him and Kevin.

Both had still feared Riko, had both fought for recognition from the older Ravens. They had looked out for each other – Nathaniel always helped Kevin cover up the bruises before interviews; Kevin always bandaged Nathaniel up before practice. When Jean came and was partnered with Nathaniel, Kevin still watched over them. Nathaniel had always thought of Kevin as an ally – a rock he could hold onto in the immense sea that was the Nest. He had trusted the man – Kevin had been the first and last person Nathaniel had trusted after his mother died. Not even Jean was as close to him, for all that they had worked together on the court. After all, Jean hadn’t been there in the early days, the ones before Nathaniel had fully learned how to hide behind his masks, when he still cried in his sleep as the memories of his mother’s bloodied body haunted him.

Kevin had paid back that trust with a horrific betrayal. He had fled from the Ravens, from what they had worked so hard for. He had gotten just a taste of the pain Nathaniel had to endure nightly and he had shattered. Kevin had never been exempt from pain – he dealt with years of bruises and scrapes, never anything so severe it couldn’t be explained away as a rough practice or grueling game, but enough to teach him his place. He had never been beaten severely, never left raw and broken, quaking in a bed soaked with his own blood. Kevin had never suffered true pain until that night. Nathaniel had thought Kevin was strong enough to handle the injury just as he was - that he would be able to put the pain to use, but he wasn’t. Instead, he had left and abandoned Nathaniel to deal with Riko and his rage.

That was when Nathaniel had finally understood. Riko had made sure of it; night after night he had flayed the truth into him. Kevin was a traitor, a coward, a worthless man. Riko had carved the facts into him, had used Nathaniel’s body to vent his rage. Every night, Nathaniel had wished it was Kevin who came in to put him back together, just like he used to. And every night, Nathaniel was disappointed. Kevin never came back. He never returned to stitch him up, to pull him back together. Finally, Nathaniel had stopped wishing. He understood then, the difference between him and Kevin. Kevin was everything – he was the prized pet, the second face of Modern Exy, the man Riko had chosen as his brother. Nathaniel was nothing – he was an object of rage and hatred, a tool, the thing Riko had chosen as his entertainment. Yet, Nathaniel would never have broken a promise, would never have left Kevin to deal with Riko’s insanity alone. Kevin had never even looked back.

Now, with the Ravens moving into their district and Nathaniel’s father one false step from gutting Nathaniel, Kevin showed himself to be a beast of a different color. He was no longer just a traitor to Nathaniel – he had proven himself to be just like anyone else Nathaniel had dealt with, willing to punish him for any and all slights. Kevin might have restrained himself in front of the Foxes but that hardly mattered. He had put his hand on Nathaniel, had proved he was willing and able to hurt him whenever he pleased, just like Riko and the Master had. Riko hadn’t needed to switch districts to get to Nathaniel; his brother would be all too willing to hurt Nathaniel for him. And he wouldn’t have to leave the comforts of his new home to do it.

Nathaniel forced his breath out in a hiss. His fingers had wrapped around his wrist and he viciously pressed down. The pain helped clear his mind and he breathed again, a little more steadily. Kevin was a problem but Nathaniel had known he would be; he wouldn’t allow himself to think about it now. He would avoid Kevin off the field if he could and he had plenty of practice dealing with people he despised on the court so that wouldn’t be a problem. If Kevin decided to punish Nathaniel later, he would bear it just as he had done any punishment before, and move on. Kevin wasn’t the first person in his life who was supposed to care about him and didn’t. Nathaniel had gotten used to being on his own.

“Nathaniel!” A loud male voice called from behind him. Nathaniel immediately turned, pressing his back against the wall and dropping his arms behind him. Matt stood before him, one hand outstretched, as if he had been about to touch him. Allison and Renee stood behind him, watching them. Allison had one eyebrow raised and she eyed Nathaniel with a curious look. Renee’s face glowed with concern; Nathaniel once more looked away from her. Nathaniel forced himself to stay, even though every nerve screamed for him to leave. He was still too raw, too afraid to deal with his teammates, but he couldn’t push them aside or he risked ostracizing himself more than he already had. He had to do damage control.

“Sorry,” Matt said, dropping his hand. He didn’t come any closer to Nathaniel, choosing instead to keep a few feet away from him. He was eyeing him cautiously, unsure of how he would react. The girls behind him remained silent. Nathaniel didn’t say anything, waiting for Matt or one of the girls to speak. He didn’t relax from the wall; he didn’t think Matt was violent, but he had learned the hard way to keep his distance. “Coach wanted us to check on you after, well… um” Matt faltered, evidently not quite sure how to describe what had just taken place.

“After you decided to have a pissing contest with Kevin. And then set off his pet Monster too. Tell me, did Riko knock a couple brain cells out when he beat the shit out of you, or are you just naturally stupid?” It was Allison who spoke, coming up from behind Matt to stare at Nathaniel fully. Her voice was a mixture of amusement and disbelief, at odds with the contemplating expression she wore as she took in Nathaniel appraisingly. Nathaniel wasn’t quite sure how to respond; he didn’t know if Allison was normally abrasive or if she was trying to get a rise out of him. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Kevin getting put in his place, but he looked ready to kill you. So what the hell? Did he dance on your mother’s grave or something because –“

“Allison.” It was Renee’s gentle voice that broke into Allison’s tirade. She wasn’t looking at Allison however, but staring intently at Nathaniel. Nathaniel had flinched a bit when Allison had mentioned his mother – it was reflective. The Ravens knew never to mention Nathaniel’s family or risk Riko’s wrath. He had grown used to her only being in his mind; hearing mentions of her so casually was disconcerting. Especially when he was already on edge from Kevin’s violent reaction. He hadn’t expected Renee to notice it or to care, considering everything that had happened. She had seemed fairly close to Andrew in that room and Nathaniel had said terrible things. He expected her to fully be on Andrew’s side, to be willing to punish him just as Kevin was.

She wasn’t though. Instead of judging him or berating him, Renee was watching him cautiously. Her eyes darted briefly to the hands Nathaniel still had behind his back and an indiscernible look briefly crossed her face before she looked back up at him. Nathaniel stared back, weary. He had never before dealt with someone quite like Renee – she didn’t look at him as if he was some fragile thing teetering on an edge like Matt was doing or a mildly entertaining zoo animal like Allison was or even like he was garbage as the Ravens had. Renee looked at him as if he was a human, as if he was someone who needed her care and concern. Nathaniel had seen similar looks on Abby’s face, but Abby didn’t count. The nurse was paid to be concerned for people and Nathaniel had come to her with grievous injuries. Renee had only ever seen him whole – she had no reason to look at him like that.

“Nathaniel,” Renee said after a moment, stepping forward so that she was no longer behind Matt. Her expression was guarded and she spoke softly. Nathaniel stayed against the wall but he forced his face into an expression of calm. He didn’t want to deal with this right now, when his body was still thrumming, waiting for pain that hadn’t fully come. He needed to be alone and calm himself. He needed to start planning how to implement his father’s plans, now that Riko was coming to the Foxes. “Nathaniel,” Renee repeated softly, stopping just out of his reach. She reached a hand out, palm first, as if Nathaniel was a skittish animal needing coaxing.

Nathaniel hated her then; he hated her calm expression, hated her calmness and her kindness. She wasn’t real – how could someone like her exist? How could someone like her look at Nathaniel with such an expression on their face? It was too much; it was unnecessary, unwanted. Nathaniel would rather she hate him as he hated her; hatred made people more bearable. People who hated didn’t lie, didn’t try and pretend; they hurt whoever they despised and moved on. It was much easier to deal with than whatever inspired Renee to act as she did.

"Whatever you think of us Nathaniel, we aren’t like them. We aren’t going to hurt you.” Renee spoke her reassurances softly. Her face was too earnest; too open, in that moment, as if she wanted nothing more but for Nathaniel to believe her, to believe he could actually be safe anywhere. He hated her just a little more.

“Obviously someone forgot to give Andrew and Kevin the memo. Maybe Wymack should include it in our next little get-together.” Nathaniel didn’t even try to hide the bite in his tone and was pleased when Renee dropped her hand, her expression becoming just a little more guarded at the way he had brushed her off. Hopefully, she wouldn’t try kindness again.

“We’ll be sure to mention it when we come back.” Allison drawled finally, when it seemed like Renee had finished her piece. Nathaniel turned his gaze back to her, arching an eyebrow silently in question. He didn’t like the concept of ‘we’ that she had used so casually.

“I said I’d take you to get your stuff after the meeting, remember?” Matt spoke up. He seemed a little steadier now, a little less close to freaking out over Nathaniel. He even managed a smile at Nathaniel, although the worried nervousness still showed in his eyes. “Renee’s volunteered to come to help carry things and we need Allison’s car so we don’t have to go back for my truck, so she’s coming too. Wymack’s already given us the clear – we just have to meet up with Abby before practice tomorrow for our physicals. I mean, only if you’re up to it of course.” He added as Nathaniel’s expression didn’t change. “If you want to go back and wind down after all…that, I totally understand. I’ve got an extra pair of sheets you can use if you need them.”

Nathaniel wanted nothing more than to get away from his new teammates. He didn’t want to deal with their odd way of doing things or their concern. He wanted to be alone, to clear his mind and work out all that he needed to do. But the idea of borrowing things from Matt, of owing the man something made him uncomfortable. He didn’t trust the kindness. At least Allison was inviting herself along; she didn’t seem about to bestow any weird emotions onto Nathaniel.

“I’m fine. Let’s get back before it gets late.” Nathaniel responded finally. He would deal with everything later and focus on this now.

“Let’s go then,” Allison shouldered her way to the front of the group, a suddenly impatient look on her face. “I want to get going before the traffic becomes a bitch. You’re riding shotgun by the way,” she added over her shoulder. “I want all the juicy details between you and Kevin. And no skimping out; I’m not going to let Renee come in to save you this time.” Nathaniel didn’t know how to respond to Allison’s matter-of-fact way of speaking and so he stayed silent, following his teammates as they walked out of the stadium. He pointedly ignored the last concerned look Renee gave him and pressed down on his wrist to calm himself once she turned away fully.

He would get through this and then find a quiet place to reflect on the day and plan. He had made several mistakes today, letting his anger control him so completely. It didn’t matter if Kevin was going to punish him later; he had promised himself that he wouldn’t relinquish control to him. That meant Nathaniel had to punish himself for his actions today. He gripped his wrist a little tighter, pressing hard on the tiny cuts he had made in the dorm building. They hadn’t been enough to keep his mind clear. He would look for something better while he was at the store.

Perhaps they would have something sharp he could use. Nathaniel had always behaved best when blades were an immediate threat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, first of all I want to say thank you for everyone's response to the last chapter. I was unsure about it and so I'm glad everyone liked it. This chapter actually ended up a bit longer than I expected it to (hopefully that makes up for the slightly shorter chapters that preceded it). I hope you guys liked the way Nathaniel thinks about Kevin and I also hope you liked his reactions to Renee and the others. Next chapter should be slightly less dark since it will be mostly shopping, but as a warning, it will also deal with some more self-harm issues, as was foreshadowed in the end. (That's also if everything goes to plan with the actual chapter, seeing as right now it's only written in my head). I hope you all liked the chapter and I will try to update again as soon as possible. Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, as a brief warning, there is mention of self-harm in this chapter. There is no actual harming, but there is mention of it, It takes place right after Allison and Nathaniel speak and lasts about three paragraphs. Again, there is no actual self-harm in this chapter, but there is mention.

“Do you think he has any money?” Allison asked, a well-practiced sneer coloring her tone. Nathaniel didn’t bother looking up from the sheets he was looking at. Allison had been in a bitter mood ever since he had refused to give her any information about Kevin and him. He knew it would probably have been better to humor her than annoy her but Nathaniel had learned early on to keep certain things to himself. No one needed to know what went on between him and Kevin beyond what he had shown in the meeting.

“Allison,” Renee’s voice was cheerful but Nathaniel had learned to hear the warning in it. She had used the same tone repeatedly over the last hour every time Allison’s questions became a little too prodding. Both she and Matt had worked to continuously pull Allison’s attention to different topics with varying success. Nathaniel didn’t quite understand why they’d bothered to do it but he couldn’t deny that it had been helpful. They had given him some time to calm himself and regain some control over his emotions.

“What? You can’t tell me it hasn’t crossed your mind that he’s poor as hell. Have you seen his clothes? I just need to know if I have to get Wymack to reimburse me or not.” Nathaniel frowned slightly and hid it behind a pack of black sheets. They had begun talking around him instead of to him about halfway through the trip, when Allison realized Nathaniel wasn’t going to rise to her bait or answer any of her incendiary questions. It was a better option, he had found, than to try and socialize with his teammates. Still, it was a bit off-putting to be spoken about as he couldn’t understand them.

“There’s nothing wrong with his clothes, Allison.” Renee rebuked quietly, absent mindedly picking between decorative pillows. Nathaniel had no idea what the appeal of bright yellow smiley faces were, but Renee seemed determined to pick one.

“You’re joking right?” Nathaniel put his sheets in the cart, silently wishing for an escape from this conversation. He ached for the normalcy of the Nest, where trivial topics like clothes would have never been picked up. “For one, they are super worn. For another, they have no color and they are at least one size too big. He looks like some runaway we picked off the street. I mean, he basically is some runaway we picked off the streets but he doesn’t have to look it.”

“He’s not a runaway. He’s a qualified player who Wymack chose to add to our team.” Renee responded softly, finally deciding on a pillow which she added to the cart. Nathaniel was slightly disturbed to see that it had red hearts in place of eyes.

“Wymack didn’t choose shit. The Ravens left him on the doorstep bleeding. It’s a wonder the press didn’t have a fucking field day.” The conversation was quickly taking a dark turn. Nathaniel barely withheld a shiver at the thought of that day. Having been so close to his father’s men made his skin crawl.

“I’m sure Riko knows how to keep things discreet.” Renee replied, her tone slightly steely. Nathaniel busied himself with looking at the pillows, desperately wishing the conversation would turn again. He didn’t want to think anymore about unwanted hands or waking up in strange places. Discreetly, he put some distance between himself and the girls under the guise of looking at the plain white pillows that stood at the end of the aisle. “Anyway, that has nothing to do with Nathaniel’s clothing. I’m sure he wears what’s comfortable for him. We have no right to judge him for that.” Renee continued, shifting slightly so that she could watch Nathaniel from the corner of her eye. Nathaniel forced himself not to bristle at the unwanted attention.

“Comfort has nothing to do with it. He didn’t wear any shit like that in the interviews he was in. I was just wondering if the Moriyamas paid for all his shit like they did Kevin’s.” Allison had shifted too, watching Nathaniel with impatient eyes. Nathaniel thought about finally responding to her, if only to steer the conversation back from the Ravens. The thought of them and their upcoming reunion made his stomach turn. He didn’t want to think about them until he could think of a way to handle them.

Before he could say anything, however, Matt returned to them, carrying a large clothing hamper and a laundry bag all folded up in a plastic cover. With a small smile – Matt had definitely become more subdued since their first meeting, a change that Nathaniel had yet to decide was concerning or not – he handed the bag to Nathaniel. “It’s a nice bag,” he told him as Nathaniel held it loosely. “Especially for the price, it’s only a couple bucks. It had an option for a stand, but it was ten more and I figured you’d just want the useful part.” Nathaniel felt annoyance spike just under his skin and he resisted tossing the bag away.

It was one thing for Allison to disparage his clothing and another entirely for the Foxes to think he needed charity. He wasn’t used to help and the idea that he would need Matt to look after him rankled him. The Ravens would never had showed interest in trivial matters, which made much more sense than the invasive personalities the Foxes all seemed to share.

“I have money from my father; I don’t need you looking for the cheapest things for me.” Nathaniel tossed the bag into the cart. He managed not to flinch at the look that had crossed Matt’s face – an hour with the man had proved him to be mostly harmless and Nathaniel had learned to recognize that particular expression as guilt rather than anger.

He wasn’t lying either; technically. The information for the bank account had come in the mail at Abby’s a week after Lola had visited him. Nathaniel had locked himself in his room for the entire day once he had realized who had sent it but he knew better than to refuse it. One did not slight the Butcher by rejecting a gift, even if the gift was double edged. Nathaniel had no idea how his father got the money – if it was from his personal accounts or from the Moriyamas – and if the Master were to find out that the account existed and alerted his brother, the punishment would be more than severe. Property was not allowed to have money of their own.

His father had left the money ambiguous on purpose – if Nathaniel refused to use it his father would know it was because he was afraid of the Moriyamas’ wrath or was disloyal to him. Nathaniel couldn’t risk his father believing him cowardly or a traitor – his death would come slowly and more painfully than the Moriyamas could manage if his father thought him useless in his plan. It was a dangerous game for Nathaniel but he had no choice to play it.

Nathaniel forcefully pushed the thoughts away. It was no use panicking about his father’s games at the moment; he would do it later in private. He occupied himself by turning to face Allison. He would clear up all conversations about money in one sweep, he decided. “I don’t wear these because I can’t afford anything else; I wear them because there is no point dressing up for simple things like the store. It’s a waste of time that I can use for practice. I dressed that way for the interviews because the Ma- because Coach Moriyama insisted I needed to leave a good impression as a future Raven. There’s no point dressing up when all I’m going to be is a Fox.” Allison narrowed her eyes at Nathaniel’s curt tone but he disregarded it, turning instead to push the cart down the aisle. He’d said his piece and now he could go back to ignoring her.

“You could at least try and pretend like you are happy to be here, you know.” Allison snarled as she stalked behind him, her heels clapping against the tiled floor angrily. Matt and Renee followed silently – neither seemed willing to get involved now that Nathaniel had started speaking to Allison himself.

Nathaniel didn’t bother to look back as he responded. “I’m here because you need a player and I have nowhere else to go. There’s no use pretending that this is anything more than it is and humoring you would only be a waste of my time.” He tried not to think about how much he sounded like Kevin in that moment; his tone condescending and full of scorn. The words had the desired effect and Allison and the others remained quiet as Nathaniel rounded the cart neatly into the last aisle he wanted.

Razors of all sorts lined the shelves along with shaving cream and other health products. Nathaniel felt his breath hitch slightly at the glint of the blades. Memories jumped up unbridled as Nathaniel slowly pushed the cart down the aisle. Riko had preferred larger blades – knives mostly, but there had been times when he had used smaller ones taken from shaving razors. He took joy in making Nathaniel watch as he broke out the blade before he took it to his skin.

Nathaniel clenched down on the cart’s handle, hard enough to feel the metal bruise his palms. Riko wouldn’t be using these on him; Riko or anyone else. He pushed the thoughts from his mind and grabbed the closest pack he could, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat. They were a necessary evil; a precaution he needed if he ever stepped out of line. They wouldn’t be used like Riko had used his, for needless pain. They were serving a purpose; they were going to help keep Nathaniel alive. The reassurances hardly made the proximity of the blades any easier to bear but Nathaniel pushed aside his discomfort and threw the pack into his cart before resolutely turning out of the aisle. His teammates followed; still mercifully silent.

By the time Nathaniel made it to the check out and waited for his teammates to disentangle their things from his, his heartbeat had returned itself to normal and Nathaniel felt calm again. The promise of the razor’s bite was already working – the fear of the pain had soothed out his irritation and cleared his mind. They provided a sense of normalcy that the Foxes had failed to give and grounded Nathaniel in the reality he knew well – that failure meant pain. It was a simple concept that would help keep him firmly where he needed to be.

Nathaniel allowed his thoughts to fade away as he busied himself on unloading his cart and paying for his things. He had bought only the things his teammates had deemed necessities and between all four of them, their things were easily carried and placed into the car. No one seemed particularly eager to speak on the way back; a change of pace that pleased Nathaniel. The silence reminded him of the month spent in Abby’s empty house and the shaky peace he had managed there. He even managed to ignore the small, foreign pang of guilt that he felt when he saw Matt’s deep frown in the rear view mirror as Allison pulled to a stop in front of the Tower.

Allison huffed out the car, slamming the door behind her, not even bothering to grab her bag in her hurry to get away. It was Renee who scooped it up along with her own and a few of Nathaniel’s. He went to protest her taking any of his – it would mean having to deal with her again today and that was last on his list of desires – but Matt stepped neatly in front of them and Renee merely tossed them a small smile before following after Allison.

Nathaniel forced himself to look at Matt. It was obvious the older boy wanted to speak with him and Nathaniel quelled the slight anxiety that started in his stomach. He was still mostly sure that Matt wouldn’t hurt him but he couldn’t stop his body’s instinctive reactions whenever anyone stood too close to him. He waited patiently, fighting to keep his face neutral, while Matt struggled to find his words, a frown still tugging the edge of his lips downwards.

After a moment of unnerving silence - right when Nathaniel was about to back away, sure now that Matt was actually going to take a swing – the taller boy spoke. “You know… We may not know everything that’s happened to you but Kevin’s told us a few things that Riko did to him, and I can’t imagine it was any easier for you.” Nathaniel took a small step back, barely perceptible but enough that he felt a little more secure. Matt had a strange expression again – a mixture of painful earnestness and something akin to desire. It was disconcerting.

“I just want you to know, I’m here if you need anything, okay? I’m not going to pry like Allison or yell at you like Kevin. I’ll just be here if you need someone to talk to.” Matt reached out and gently patted Nathaniel’s shoulder. The soft touch made him flinch viciously and Matt quickly retreated his hand, the deep frown replacing the weird expression. He stayed for a moment longer, obviously waiting for Nathaniel’s response.

Nathaniel forced himself to nod. He would never come to the boy, obviously, but he also realized that Matt would not be satisfied until he had received some reaction from him. Matt didn’t smile again but he accepted the nod, turning to grab the rest of the groceries before heading to the tower, sparing only one more glance at Nathaniel’s frozen form. It took several moments before Nathaniel found the way to breathe again. Kindness was something never bestowed to him and every soft word was as painful as a blow. He didn’t deserve such things and he had no idea why Matt was so adamant in giving it to him.

He had no idea how someone with such a soft personality could even survive in the world, let alone try to help others through it. He was apprehensive to follow after him but he also knew Matt would just come back out after him and Nathaniel could not handle anymore of his strange attention. He pushed himself away from the car and slowly made his way to the building, eager to put at least a little distance between them. He took the stairs once inside, craving the temporary peace and the slight exercise the three flights of stairs offered. He knew he would have to deal with Matt again – they were living together after all - and Renee too if he wanted his things but he could use the few minutes to regroup himself after Matt’s bewildering heart-to-heart.

Nathaniel’s heart stopped once he reached the top of the third flight, his small peace shattering around him. A small blonde figure sat lithely against the door, slender hands deftly twisting a knife around. Nathaniel tensed instinctively as Andrew glanced up, fingers stilling. A fierce smile bloomed across his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked the chapter. It's a little bit longer than usual, which I hope makes up for a slightly delayed chapter (I meant to have it up this afternoon). It was a bit of a filler chapter, I guess, but hopefully things will pick up after the next one. The next chapter will be another altercation between Nathaniel and Andrew, and then the story should pick up a little. I will be following close to canon up until Columbia (which should at least start in the chapter after the next one) where I will probably deviate some from there and then more extensively later one. Thank you for reading and I will try and update again soon.


	17. Chapter 17

Nathaniel took an instinctive step backwards as Andrew lithely rose, his near feral grin still in place. His body tensed as he felt his foot slip on the step. Deftly Andrew reached out with his empty hand and fisted it into Nathaniel’s shirt, forcefully keeping him upright. Nathaniel glared at him, wishing that he had fallen. A visit to Abby’s would be more enjoyable than Andrew’s company.

“You do seem to like stairs, don’t you?” Andrew murmured. His hand remained fisted in the material of Nathaniel’s shirt, keeping him in place. In his other hand, the blade glinted in the florescent light above them. Nathaniel forced himself to keep his eyes trained on Andrew’s face rather than the knife. The boy grinned at him and lifted the knife up slowly, teasingly. Nathaniel forced his body to relax some – the cut would be less painful if his body was pliant. Andrew’s grin widened as he felt the change in Nathaniel’s body. He tapped the knife gently against Nathaniel’s neck but didn’t press hard enough to break the skin. Nathaniel forced his body to remain still.

“So quiet now, hmm? You sure seemed awful opinionated earlier. Of course, Kevin told me some about you after your little spat,” Andrew’s voice was low as he moved the knife down, closer to Nathaniel’s collarbone. “How Riko liked to play with you every night; liked to hear you scream as he cut you. You don’t like knives do you?” Andrew’s tone was casual, as if he was asking about the weather, but Nathaniel could hear the threat behind it. One wrong move and Andrew would drive the knife down into his skin. And laugh as he did it.

“What do you want?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. Their teammates were nosey and Nathaniel didn’t want any of them barging into the stairway. This was between him and Andrew, no one else. Andrew tssked disappointedly and pressed the knife with more force. It was still not enough to cut into Nathaniel’s pale skin but he could understand the warning. He fell silent.

“I don’t want anything, Nathaniel. And I can’t be leashed either. The sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be. The next time you tell Kevin to muzzle me, it won’t go well. Understand?” Andrew’s tone was pleasant and at odds with the fierce grip he still held on Nathaniel and the knife that had gone back up to his throat. Nathaniel knew from experience that he should simply acquiesce to Andrew and extract himself from the situation. He knew one wrong word would get him hurt, possibly quite badly. Riko had always been more vicious if Nathaniel didn’t comply. He kept his face neutral and his mouth quiet. Andrew huffed in amusement but didn’t drop the knife from Nathaniel’s throat. “Do you understand?” He repeated, tone goading. Nathaniel’s temper flared despite himself. Even with a knife to his throat, Andrew’s attitude was too grating to keep silent.

“I understand you’re a self-deluding dick, yes. Everyone wants something. You want something or you wouldn’t be here. Tell me or get the fuck away from me.” The knife dug in that time, just deep enough for blood to bloom under the knife. Nathaniel refused to wince from the pain. Andrew’s laugh, that eerily pleasant sound, joined the pain.

“There’s that bark! I can see why Riko used you as a personal pin cushion so much. You’ve got more backbone than Kevin. I bet Riko enjoyed trying to destroy you.” Nathaniel gritted his teeth as Andrew moved the knife away from his throat, waiting for Andrew to stab him somewhere else.

He didn’t though, making Nathaniel blink once in surprise. Andrew was still smiling as he stepped away from Nathaniel, dropping his hand from his shirt finally. “You really are interesting, Nathaniel. We’ll see how long that backbone lasts – you’ll probably be the good little dog you were raised to be by the end of this.” He smiled once more, a threatening shark grin and turned away, wiping his thin blade on his black pants as he did.

“By the end of what?” Nathaniel asked, his voice pleasantly steady. Andrew’s radical moods unnerved him more than he’d like to admit. He had expected to be punished for his cheek but Andrew had merely seemed amused more than anything. He didn’t know what the blonde was planning, which was disconcerting – he had always known what Riko was about to do.

“Be ready by 11, Friday night, and I’ll show you. Kevin would throw a fit if I broke you before then.” Andrew replied loftily, not even bothering to face Nathaniel as he spoke. He left the stairway after that, slamming the door in Nathaniel’s face just to spite him. Nathaniel reached up and wiped the blood from his neck, frowning deeply. He had no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean. Had Kevin convinced him to wait for the weekend so that Nathaniel would be available for practice? It wasn’t unheard of amongst the Ravens for the Master to wait to dish severe punishments until the end of practice so that the player could finish. Perhaps Kevin was granting him such a long reprieve because he knew the Foxes had to see Nathaniel at his best.

Nathaniel thrust the thoughts from his mind and quietly left the stairway. He had until Friday to deal with Andrew’s stupid cryptic games; he would deal with it then. For now, he needed to gather his things and deal with his new roommates. He could see Matt standing outside their doorway as he approached and belatedly hoped the small cut would go unnoticed. Judging by Matt’s frown and the way he stared at his neck, it hadn’t.

“I have to get my stuff from Renee,” Nathaniel told him, not even bothering to slow down. He’d rather go another round with the team’s pet psycho than deal with Matt’s bizarre personality.

“Don’t worry about that, she dropped it off in the room.” Nathaniel grimaced inwardly and turned back around. Matt was watching him with one of his weird expressions again. “Were you with Andrew just now? Is that where that cut came from?” Nathaniel’s hand immediately went up to clap against his neck, hiding the cut from Matt’s gaze. A Raven would have had enough sense to not comment on any injuries that appeared on him.

“Andrew just wanted to invite me out with him on Friday. It’s not a big deal.” Nathaniel walked past Matt into their room, careful not to brush against the taller boy. Matt followed him in immediately.

“He invited you out? Did he say where? You aren’t going, right?” Matt’s too-loud voice got the attention of Seth who had evidently been hiding out in the bedroom. He scowled at Nathaniel briefly and then ducked back in, obviously not that interested. At least there was one Fox with a bit of sense.

“I don’t know where, and he didn’t really give me a choice.” Nathaniel responded. He could feel Matt’s gaze on him but he chose to look around the suite rather than meet his gaze. The room was already furnished with a couch against one wall, a television stand and three desks, two of which already had things on them. A tiny kitchen area was in one corner and there were two doors – one led to the bedroom Seth was hiding in and the other was most likely the bathroom. Natural light flooded the room through two large windows, giving the room a warm, spacious feel. It was altogether different from the tiny, artificially lit dorm room that Nathaniel had shared with Jean.

“You shouldn’t go. You don't know the kinds of things Andrew and his group get up to. And you should tell Wymack that Andrew attacked you.” Matt’s voice was still too loud and Nathaniel felt his teeth clenching. He was already on edge from Andrew’s little meeting and he really didn’t want to deal with Matt. He turned to the taller man anyway, knowing that he wouldn’t stop until he got an answer.

“I’m going to go. I know Andrew’s type – ignoring him isn’t going to make him go away. If I appease him, he’ll get bored and leave me alone.” Nathaniel hoped so anyway. He had never been successfully ignored by Riko but he had seen it work for other Ravens.

“You don’t know that. You don’t know how Andrew is – he can be very dangerous. Especially because you fought with Kevin. Tell Wymack and let Coach deal with it.” Matt insisted. Nathaniel could tell he was aggravated but the man had kept enough space between them this time that he didn’t feel closed in. Instead, he only felt incredibly annoyed.

“Why would Wymack care? It has nothing to do with Exy.” Matt opened his mouth to respond but Nathaniel barreled on. “Besides, I think, considering how I came to be here in the first place, it’s obvious that I know how dangerous people can be. I’ll handle it.” Matt seemed to deflate after that, either unsure how or unwilling to continue. Nathaniel waited just a moment more to see if the man was done arguing with him before he turned back to his things, busying himself with sorting out his food and school supplies.

He breathed a soft sigh of relief when he heard the door to the suite shut quietly after Matt. He was starting to hate the taller boy just as much as he hated Renee. He missed the apathy of the Ravens – they were smart enough to not get involved. Renee and Matt were good people and those were the kind that got hurt the most. Nathaniel didn’t want them caught in the feud Andrew seemed so keen to ignite and he definitely didn’t want them caught in the fight between him and Riko. People who helped him got hurt – his mother’s brutal end was testament to the ruthlessness of the people in Nathaniel’s life. He didn’t want any Fox blood on his hands because his teammates were idiots.

He would continue to push them away then, in the hopes that they would eventually stop. He had never had to do that with his old teammates but he was sure he could easily, especially since they seemed unwilling to hurt him so he didn’t have to fear any punishment. He had already angered Seth and Allison – although he wasn’t quite sure what he had done to earn the first’s wrath. Aaron and Nicky would probably stay away because of Andrew’s hatred and Kevin was smart enough to back away from anything. Dan didn’t seem as invested as the other upperclassmen so she would probably stay away as long as it didn’t affect his playing and Nathaniel had plenty of practice in keeping his head in the game. Matt and Renee were the only problematic ones left and Nathaniel was sure if he kept ignoring them, they would eventually back off. It would make his plans harder of course, to not have his team on his side, but it would be safer.

Nathaniel moved over to the empty desk and began to put all his supplies away into the drawers attached to it. He directed his thoughts away from his maddening teammates to his father. Over a month of inaction was bound to annoy the man and Nathaniel knew if he didn’t set anything in motion soon, he wouldn’t have another month to rectify his mistake. He had waited because he needed to meet his new team and wanted to make sure Riko made the first move. Now that both had been done, he could start doing his father’s bidding.

He shoved all his notebooks into the middle drawer and then looked at the desk beside his. He had known with a glimpse that it was Matt’s – the man had thrown his bag of things on it before he had stood out to wait for Nathaniel’s return. It only took him a moment to spot what he was looking for and Nathaniel was quick to swipe up the phone that sat by the bag, slightly pleased that the man had left it behind. Matt had told Nathaniel he could use it whenever he needed when they had been in Allison’s car – a deal which had been made because they hadn’t had time to stop and get Nathaniel one of his own. A plan had half-formed in his mind on the way back and he wanted to implement it quickly, before anyone came looking for him again.

Nathaniel knew that the only way he could truly get to Riko would be to defy him in public. Riko could hide anything that happened in private well, when he had his uncle to help him and plenty of money to ensure no one came asking the right questions. Most probably, the Master had already come up with an explanation for why Nathaniel – the long anticipated third member of the ‘Perfect Court’- would not be officially joining the Edgar Allan line up, so Nathaniel couldn’t use that angle. At least, not without alerting the attention of the main branch, who would have taken the Master’s excuse at face value. Nathaniel needed a way to bring Riko out on his own – needed a way to engage him one on one in a public space where Riko would not be able to spin the aftermath anyway he wanted.

Nathaniel had waited before planning because he didn’t know if Riko would play the game – now that he had forced the Ravens to move districts just to get to him and Kevin; Nathaniel knew exactly how to bring Riko out. He quickly typed in the number Riko had made him learn by heart and held the phone to his ear. He felt his lips tug into a cold smile when someone answered.

“Hello, this is Nathaniel Wesninski. I have a story I thought would interest Miss Ferdinand. Is she in or can I leave a message?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked the chapter! I wrote it a little fast since some stuff with the family has come up, so I apologize for any mistakes and hope that it was still a decent chapter. I will try and update again as soon as possible and thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

The week passed slowly for Nathaniel as he fell into a routine. He would wake before Seth or Matt and disappear for a long run, returning just in time to meet everyone at the gym. He would work out with the rest of the team, steadfastly ignoring any attempts at conversation. He then would stay an extra half hour before leaving for lunch and then afternoon practice where he stayed long after everyone had left. After he had exhausted himself on the court, he would return alone to the dorm. At that point, either the other boys were asleep or they were hanging out with the girls. Nathaniel always ignored them in favor of the bedroom.

The strict routine helped calm Nathaniel’s nerves. His mind and body were solely focused on the court, leaving little room for any other concerns. The constant exhaustion and taxation of his body harked back to his time with the Ravens, a soothing reminder of his place in the world. Throwing his all into practice meant he was able to ignore the Foxes and the ever looming threat of his father. It helped that he was effectively re-learning the game for the first time in years. Being a striker provided an entirely new viewpoint of the court and Nathaniel thrived with the challenge it provided him and funneled all his efforts into perfecting the position.

The challenge was also a great distraction from the utter abysmal state of his fellow teammates. Although Nathaniel ignored them off the court, he couldn’t bring himself to disrespect the game enough to do it on it as well. And what he saw would have the Master seeing red and beating everyone within his reach. The individuals on the team were decent but the team itself was split into separate groups and Dan had control of only roughly half. Matt, Renee, and Allison always heeded her but Seth only seemed to do it when he and Allison were getting along and he had violent mood swings that left him ultimately useless on the court. In all honesty, Nathaniel would not be surprised to find out that Seth was using, although what it could be he didn’t know. The fact that Abby had cleared him for the court left Nathaniel astounded. The other four members were strictly in a group on their own and none of them wor

ked well with Dan. Nicky tried some, but his loyalty to his cousins left him butting with the upper classmen often enough that the rift was still evident on the court. Nicky also, as Nathaniel had predicted, wasted movement and energy, making him the weakest player on the court. Aaron couldn’t be bothered to care enough to listen to Dan, although he did put effort into the game itself and had a good grasp of the fundamentals of a backliner, something Nathaniel did give grudging acknowledgement to.

Kevin was an asshole. That was the general consensus the Foxes had come to and Nathaniel silently agreed. He fought with Dan in ways he would have never dreamed of when Riko was his captain and he constantly berated the Foxes for their dreadful abilities. Nathaniel knew Kevin was correct but the way he went about it was all wrong; yelling and cursing at the Foxes only made them angry and drove the team apart even further. Such tactics had worked with the Ravens only because the team was entirely in unison. There was no discord on the court and if a pair was performing poorly, they knew it and accepted their punishment without argument. The Foxes were too individualistic for that to work and Kevin’s constant yelling only worsened the team. Nathaniel might have pointed it out – it was too painful to watch the team fall apart in ways he couldn’t even imagine happening to the Ravens – but he had still not received his punishment from Kevin and he was determined not to remind the man.

The last member of the team was easily the worst. Andrew’s skills were everything a Class I team could dream of and more – his strength and agility in the goal were almost unprecedented and he was a right terror when he applied himself. The problem was that Andrew hated the game and hardly bothered to put any effort in practice. It was infuriating to Nathaniel, watching him stand in the goal and let in easily stopped goals. A man like that had no right to touch an Exy stick and the fact that he did was an affront to every player. Nathaniel had no idea why Kevin put up with the tiny blonde but Andrew was the only person that Kevin held his tongue back from; most likely, it had something to do with the very sharp knives he now knew Andrew carried. Perhaps Kevin still had a shred of self-preservation.

Friday practice was a perfect example of the terrible state of the team, ending with a fist fight between Kevin and Seth that nearly had Nathaniel in its crosshairs. Unnerved by the vicious display, he opted for an early escape and darted past Dan as she went to stop the altercation. The locker room was mercifully empty and quiet and Nathaniel quickly dashed into one of the stalls after grabbing his duffel bag. He had thought it strange at first, having a door to a stall which hid from his teams but he had come to find an odd comfort with the bit of privacy he had never been allowed before. Nathaniel turned the water on to its hottest setting and quickly stripped in the humid air before shuffling into the scalding water.

The water soothed his aching muscles and helped wash the irritation off his body. Frustration was a new feeling for Nathaniel but he felt it keenly now. The Foxes would be the laughingstocks of the college Exy field once more. Nathaniel’s entire worth was tied to his performance on the field and although he had quickly grasped the basics of his new position, he was not nearly as skilled as he had been as a backliner and he did not even have a team to help cover his deficiencies. He knew logically that Wymack would not punish him for his performance but the old fear was instinctive and he dreaded their first game.

Nathaniel shoved thoughts of his imminently dreadful game away and grabbed his shampoo. He viciously scrubbed it into his hair, relishing the sting of his scalp as his nails scratched against it. It was a light, soothing pain. Nathaniel tilted his head back and let the soap rinse away and allowed his mind to drift away back into his thoughts. His team might be terrible but he had better luck elsewhere. His call to Kathy Ferdinand had piqued her interest and it hadn’t taken much to plant the idea of an interview into her head. Kathy was quick was to jump at the opportunity to get an exclusive with a former Raven and Nathaniel knew she would not be able to resist adding drama by inviting Riko. Although she hadn’t said as much, Nathaniel knew the boy would be there. The thought of seeing Riko was both a relief – his father would be pleased that Nathaniel was putting an effort into the plan – and an absolute terror – Nathaniel couldn’t even bring himself to entertain the ideas of what Riko would do to Nathaniel in retribution.

Voices began to echo around the shower stalls, alerting Nathaniel to his teammates’ entrance. Hastily, he scrubbed the sweat from his body and shut the water off. His skin had turned red from the water but Nathaniel was hardly bothered as he quickly pulled his clean clothes on, not caring enough to dry himself off. He had never had to engage with after practice locker room chatter and he didn’t want to start now. Waiting just long enough to hear water faucets turn on around him, he unlocked the stall door and stepped out, bag in hand. And inwardly cursed at the blonde in front of him.

Andrew was quite good at surprising him, a fact he evidently knew and was pleased with, judging by the widening grin on his lips. He was still in his practice gear and there were small beads of sweat slowly rolling down his face and neck. It was obvious Andrew had planted himself in front of the door the moment he had entered and had waited Nathaniel out. Nathaniel schooled his expression into one of indifference and cocked his hip, waiting for Andrew to speak. His body thrummed with nervous energy but he forced himself to be still, all too aware of the knife Andrew kept on his person.

“Oh, hello Nathaniel!” Andrew affected surprise, his face morphing into a caricature of the emotion before his ever-present grin ruined it. Nathaniel simply shifted slightly and silently waited for more. After a moment of silence, Andrew leaned in. It took a lot of effort for Nathaniel not to move back but he managed. “Oh. You forgot, huh? That’s okay, I remembered for you.” Nathaniel didn’t have time for his surprise to register before a plastic bag was thrust into his hands. He hadn’t even realized the blonde had been holding it. “You’re coming out with us, and you need to wear these.”

Nathaniel stared at the blonde, disbelief fighting to break his mask of indifference. He had remembered clearly his meeting with Andrew – the knife that had glinted between them and the barbed insults Andrew had thrown at him, but he had completely forgotten the invitation Andrew had given him. Nathaniel didn’t want to be within ten feet of Andrew or his minions. He opened his mouth, on the verge of saying no when Andrew spoke again, still infuriatingly cheerful.

“Don’t think of refusing Nathaniel, you wouldn’t like the alternative.” Andrew’s tone was light but Nathaniel’s eyes immediately dropped to the boy’s fingers, half-expecting the dreadful glint of a sharp blade. His gaze shift didn’t go unnoticed by Andrew, who smiled pleasantly. “Wait for us by my car. Should be just a few. We’re going to Columbia.” He gave a small, two fingered wave and turned into the empty stall next to his. He would be able to hear Nathaniel if he decided to try and leave.

Pushing aside the wave of fear that had hit him, Nathaniel turned back to change into the offered clothing. It would be dangerous to go but even more so to refuse. He had little choice in the matter. He only hoped Andrew had left the blades behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, first of all, I want to say sorry for the incredibly long delay. There was a death in the family and it has been a very hectic week with family coming and going and plans having to be made. I know I promised Columbia in this chapter, but I really just wanted to get something up to show everyone I haven't abandoned the story. This isn't my best chapter (it's more filler than anything else, unfortunately) and its shorter than normal, but I hope you liked it anyway. Thank you for reading and I will try to update again as soon as possible (next time will definitely have at least part of Columbia).


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a panic attack. It happens towards the end of the chapter, while they are still in the car. It's fairly mild but I still want to warn anyone who might be uncomfortable with them.

Nathaniel was incredibly wary as he tugged the black shirt down once more. The clothes Andrew had given him were much tighter than anything he was used to and he couldn’t help but feel just a bit self conscious. It was a weird emotion, having lived without the luxury of privacy for so long, but he had grown used to the slight anonymity living with Abby had given him and having his body on display in such a way was uncomfortable. He tugged the shirt again before he gave up and leaned back against the wall. He forced himself to keep still, fighting the itch in his legs that told him to run. He didn’t know what to expect of Andrew and his group tonight but he wasn’t stupid. Whatever the punishment, it would only be worse if Nathaniel fought it. The memory of Andrew’s sharp blade was enough to convince him of that.

The evening air around him was stifling but he was reluctant to stay inside. Nathaniel knew he was signing his freedom away for the night and he needed the openness around him to hold in the panic. The court would have been the best comfort but Abby and Wymack had set about cleaning up after practice and Nathaniel wanted to be alone. He didn’t feel like faking niceties when he felt little but a slowly rising panic.

He had no idea what would happen – if Andrew was merely going to threaten him or if he was going to use the knife, whether they were going somewhere public where he and Andrew could easily fade away in the crowd or somewhere private where Nathaniel could scream without arousing any alarm. Riko had never bothered with going anywhere to punish him – no Raven was going to come to Nathaniel’s aid and besides Riko had enjoyed cutting Nathaniel on his bed. He had savored destroying the only place that Nathaniel was supposed to have refuge, the one sacred place in the entire Nest that was his alone.

Andrew wasn’t doing that, Nathaniel was sure, because Matt and Seth shared the room. Seth hated Nathaniel but his hatred of Andrew was much stronger – he wouldn’t let the blonde step an inch in their room without starting a fight and Matt – he was too nice, Nathaniel doubted he would let blood spill in their room. No, Andrew was taking him somewhere where he had ultimate control. Nathaniel fought to remain calm at the idea and forced himself further against the wall. The slight sting of the concrete wall scratching him through the thin fabric grounded him.

He had to remind himself that he had done this to himself. Nathaniel had let his mouth run and insulted a dangerous man. He deserved whatever horrendous activities Andrew had planned. He should merely be grateful that the man had waited so long to do anything. It had given him time to prove himself capable to the team – even if he came to next practice unable to perform, they would know he was good. It would have been worse if Nathaniel had been forced to go to his first practice injured.

Footsteps pulled Nathaniel from his reverie and he pulled himself from the wall, turning just enough to see who was coming out of the stadium. His heart thudded even as he forced his face into an impassive expression. Andrew was calmly walking to his car, his bag thrown carelessly across a shoulder. His brother, cousin and Kevin were following close behind. None of them seemed to have noticed Nathaniel standing in the shadow of the building.

Nathaniel’s legs twitched. He could run now, before they noticed him. He could run and keep going, maybe all the way back to Riko. His punishment would be harsh of course, but it would be predictable. It was this unknowing aspect that weighed on Nathaniel – Riko was a sadistic monster but Nathaniel knew him – knew his wants and desires, his tempers and his strength. Andrew was unknown, chaotic. Fear of the endless things that could be done to him was worse than fear of a specific punishment. He could run away now and be with the Ravens again come morning.

His body ached with the desire to go – leave before any of the Foxes noticed him – but instead of running as far away as he could, Nathaniel forced his body to walk towards the dark car Andrew had led his group to. Maybe between Andrew’s terrifying unpredictability and Riko’s calming predictability, he would chose what he knew, but they weren’t the only factors. If Nathaniel ran back to escape Andrew and his Foxes, he would be dead. His father would undoubtedly know in an instant and the death he brought would be unavoidable and excruciating. Not even Andrew’s chaotic nature was more terrifying than the sheer monstrosity that was his father.

Nathaniel’s movement caught the group’s attention and their reactions to him were mixed. Aaron, as was usual, seemed completely indifferent, barely sparing him a glance before he slid into the backseat of the car. Nicky seemed torn between relieved and worried, an odd mix of emotions that pulled his face into strange angles as he stood by the driver’s door. Kevin seemed just shy of horrified, staring at Nathaniel with badly concealed shock. Either his pet had not shared his plans with him or he hadn’t expected Nathaniel to actually show up. Nathaniel didn’t think he had the right to look so shocked though – he must have known Andrew was planning something.

Andrew himself seemed to be the only one actually pleased with his arrival, although Nathaniel wasn’t sure if the smile he wore was genuine or the drugs working through his system. He stopped just in front of the group, eyes focused only on the blonde. Andrew’s smile widened some as he looked Nathaniel up and down, taking in the new clothes.

“Someone actually can listen. There’s hope for you yet, little bird.” Andrew’s voice was syrupy sweet, nearly sing-song as he stepped aside, bidding Nathaniel to slid into the backseat. With just a moment’s hesitation, he did so, barely tensing as he settled beside Aaron. Andrew slid in beside him, hardly caring that Nathaniel felt trapped between the twins and called out impatiently for Nicky and Kevin to get into the car. They did so immediately, although Nathaniel did see the wicked glare Kevin through Andrew as well as the worried look Nicky had sent. He didn’t know why Andrew’s cousin was so concerned about him – he knew what Andrew was like and what this trip would entail. It’s not like the man could stop Andrew anyway. Nicky pulled out of the parking lot at an incredible speed despite the fact that the

group was leaving nearly four hours before they were scheduled to. He continued at such a reckless pace that Nathaniel was half convinced he was purposely trying to get pulled over. He wanted to ask where they were going but the twins’ presence on both his sides kept him quiet. He was in perfect striking distance if either of them decided he was being nosey.

The drive felt like an eternity for Nathaniel. He was torn between being vaguely concerned for his life because of Nicky’s driving and incredibly concerned on what Andrew was planning for him. Riko had brought him out of the Nest for a night out several times in their teen years and no matter what; it had never ended well for Nathaniel. And those had been on Riko’s good days – he could only imagine the horror he could have inflicted had he been in a mood. Andrew’s presence so close to him didn’t help the panic beginning to unfold in Nathaniel’s chest.

Nathaniel pinched his thigh hard. The slight sting brought him clarity and he forced any thoughts not concerned about surviving Nicky’s driving from his mind. What happened tonight would happen, he was no longer in a position to do anything but accept whatever Andrew had done to him and hope to survive until the morning. He relaxed his fingers and rubbed the tender spot. The jeans he wore were tight and he imagined he could feel the puckered pink scar that lay just beneath the stiff fabric. No matter what Andrew did, it would not be as bad as what his father had already done or what he would do. It was a comforting thought.

Nathaniel managed to settle some after that and paid closer attention to the conversation around him, hoping for a hint of where they were going. Nicky and Andrew were the only ones talking and they were chatting uselessly about some movies he had never heard of. It only took a few minutes for Nathaniel to pick up that Nicky was steadily gaining more and more of the conversation as Andrew lapsed into longer and longer bouts of silence. Discreetly, Nathaniel shifted slightly, just enough to catch the side of Andrew’s face.

The boy’s smile had completely faded, leaving a nearly perfectly blank expression on his face. He was still replying to some of Nicky’s statements but the excited tone he almost always used had faded to a bored tenor, a perfect match for the apathetic look on his face. Nathaniel tensed as his heart crashed hard. Andrew wasn’t ecstatic right now, not even barely happy. In theory, this was impossible. Andrew was required by law to take medication that put him in a perpetual state of euphoria and Nathaniel had never seen him so down. Not even when Andrew had held his throat in his hand or a knife to his neck had he seemed anything short of amused. That could only mean one thing – Andrew had gone off his medication. Andrew had proven himself to be dangerous on the drugs; incapable of feeling

anything but amusement and euphoria even when he was threatening someone’s life. Perhaps even partially because he was threatening someone’s life. Nathaniel knew though, that Andrew was much more dangerous now, without a constant high. Andrew on his pills was unpredictable and erratic. off his pills, he was cold and ruthless, a borderline sociopath. At least, that’s what the psychological evaluations Riko had forced him to read had said. Nathaniel knew the lack of drugs meant he was in much more danger than he could have even fathomed. Andrew seemed to pick up on the tensing of his body because he turned to face

Nathaniel fully. He didn’t even try for a smile, opting to stare heavily at Nathaniel. Sober Andrew’s face was a perfectly sculpted mask of indifference and utterly unreadable. Panic rose like bile in Nathaniel’s throat but he forced it down. It wouldn’t help him any now, to panic in a car that he couldn’t escape from.

Nicky pulled off at the next exit, still chattering even though Andrew had not responded once since he had turned to Nathaniel. Nathaniel didn’t look away either, forcing himself to keep his eyes fixed on the blonde’s even as every nerve screamed to look away. Glancing away had always been perceived as a sign of weakness by both his father and his master. He couldn’t afford any such sign at the moment.

Andrew raised a single eyebrow at Nathaniel’s stare, a small smile tugging at the corner of the man’s lips. Nathaniel didn’t know if it was the remaining traces of the drugs or if something he had done had pleased the man but Andrew finally looked away in favor of leaning forward to speak directly in Nicky’s ear.

“Don’t miss the turn this time. It’s the next right.” Andrew’s tone was only slightly mocking and not nearly as amused as it should have been. Nathaniel expected Nicky to jump or shiver or some other sign to show his surprise at his cousin’s sudden stint of sobriety but the man betrayed nothing. He merely hummed in agreement and turned sharply, just barely making the turn into a busy parking lot. Nathaniel glanced towards Aaron as Andrew settled back into his seat, content now to ignore everyone around him. Aaron was looking at him for once, a slightly nasty, knowing smile stretching his lips.

They had known then - had known Andrew had skipped his after practice dose. Nathaniel’s heart stopped and stuttered back in his chest. He had thought he only needed to worry about Andrew and Kevin – Aaron always seemed completely indifferent to him and Nicky was a weirdly friendly type, on par with Matt. But they had let Nathaniel come knowing Andrew would be more dangerous than any other time Nathaniel had dealt with him. They had helped him fall into a very deep trap.

Nathaniel’s panic rose once more and he suddenly found it very hard to breath. He didn’t notice Nicky parking the car as he gasped harshly for air. He felt Aaron lurch away slightly from him and vaguely heard a concerned noise from the front seat. He couldn’t be sure if it had been either Nicky or Kevin who spoke and he didn’t care at the moment. Memories of similar attacks from his childhood came unbidden from his mind – he was five and hiding in his closet, trying and failing for the deep breaths his nanny had taught him – he was ten and his mother was hitting his chest hard, attempting to force him to breath in – he was thirteen and Riko held the knife against his throat, threatening to slice it if Nathaniel didn’t breath right fucking now –

A harsh hand gripped him and forced his neck down, pushing his head to his knees. The pain grounded him again and the tight grasp shocked a breath into him and then another before he was breathing raggedly, the harsh breaths a painful relief to his body. The hand held him there a moment longer until his breathing became regular and then it disappeared as suddenly as it had come. Nathaniel dimly realized that there was no longer someone on his left side and that the front of the car was empty. He was alone then, with only one person beside him. After a tense moment where Nathaniel forced another breath through his lungs, he looked up.

Andrew was staring at him, a bored expression on his face as he tugged a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Nathaniel blinked slightly. He didn’t understand why Andrew didn’t just leave him like the rest had – why he had decided to help. Unless, of course, Andrew didn’t want Nathaniel’s own demons to hurt him when he had gone through so much effort to torture him himself.

“The night’s only getting started. Would hate to end it because of your petty issues.” Andrew spoke lightly, slipping the cigarette into his mouth and cupping the tip to light it. The acrid smell of smoke filled the small area, threatening to choke Nathaniel once more. Andrew took a deep drag before he removed the cigarette, carelessly blowing the smoke in Nathaniel’s face. Nathaniel could sense the threat unspoken – Andrew would not allow Nathaniel to destroy himself before he had a turn. He waited, unmoving, as Andrew took several more deep drags of his cigarette. He tensed when Andrew pulled it from his mouth, half-expecting him to ebb out the end on his bare arm. One of his father’s old friends had enjoyed using Nathaniel as a personal ash tray – he still had several nearly perfect circular scars on the tops of his shoulders as a reminder of her attention.

Andrew didn’t bother putting the embers to the unmarred skin of his arms though. Instead, he pinched it between two of his fingers and stuffed the half used cigarette back into the pack, staring intently at Nathaniel all the while. Nathaniel stared back, making sure to keep his breathing steady this time. A dull sense of shame had come to him now – he hadn’t had an attack that bad in years, not even when he had stood between Matt and Renee his first day at Palmetto. The fact that Andrew had caused it and been able to bring him out of it humiliated him. Not even Riko had had such control over Nathaniel’s visceral responses - despite all his threats and yelling he had always needed Kevin or Jean to bring Nathaniel back from the edge. He wouldn’t let it show though – wouldn’t give Andrew the satisfaction – and so he stared back impassively, forcing himself to keep eye contact.

That tiny bit of willfulness seemed to satisfy Andrew. He nodded briefly and finally opened the car door, stepping out into the stifling night heat. “The others are inside already. You need to hurry up.” He waited impatiently for Nathaniel to pull himself out of the car. Once he did, Andrew pressed against him harshly, his body mere inches from Nathaniel’s. The ghost of a smile – the last remnants of Andrew’s high – tugged at his lips. “Don’t panic just yet, little bird. The night’s just getting started.”

Nathaniel pretended his automatic flinch was a shudder from the sudden gust of wind that hit just as Andrew pulled fully away. Andrew just stared a moment more before turning away and walking towards the building Nicky had driven them to. Reluctantly, Nathaniel followed behind him. Every step weighed heavily, as if a death sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter. It still doesn't have much of Columbia in it, but I hope it came off as a good start. I like slightly helpful but still asshole Andrew and I hope you did too. Also, as a disclaimer, its late now so I didn't reread this before posting, so I wholeheartedly apologize for any mistakes that pop up. I will try to update again as soon as possible but I do have an announcement that is important for everyone. On Sunday, I am leaving the country for a month long class and I will not have access to internet while I am gone. I had hoped to have this story done by then when I had started but that seems like a fairly impossible task now and I apologize greatly for that. I will try and update at least one more time before I am gone and rest assured, I will be writing while I'm gone and I will update the first chance I get when I return. Again, I will try and update once more before I leave, probably on Thursday or Friday. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it (it's the longest chapter yet, I think, and I hope that makes up somewhat from my last update).


	20. Chapter 20

Nathaniel’s nose wrinkled in disgust as the stench of heavily fried food assaulted him. Andrew didn’t pause to let Nathaniel take in the brightly lit restaurant before he was forcing himself around the crowded tables. He stopped only long enough to swipe some packets of crackers from the open salad bar before heading towards his group. Nathaniel followed silently, forcing his face into a look of calm and making appeasing gestures towards all the people Andrew had rudely brushed by. He pointedly ignored Nicky’s concerned glance as he sat in the only remaining seat besides the older boy. Nathaniel wasn’t fooled by Nicky’s kindness act anymore– if it was sincere, he would have warned him what was happening before Nathaniel got into the car. Kevin and Aaron were both studiously ignoring Nathaniel, staring instead at the menus in front of them. That suited Nathaniel fine and he settled as comfortably as he could at the table and picked up one of the menus.

Nathaniel studied the meals with insincere intensity – his stomach was still roiling tightly from the panic attack and besides, he would never allow himself to eat such disgustingly unhealthy food. Instead, he allowed his thoughts to drift towards the small blonde across from him. Andrew hadn’t even bothered to open his menu; he was leaning back in his chair casually and leveling Nathaniel with a bored, uncaring stare. Nathaniel had read Andrew’s files before and knew the apathy wasn’t feigned. His stomach knotted with unease. Andrew’s dispassion wouldn’t protect him – Andrew had saved Nathaniel from himself just to tear him down on his own. Andrew’s uncaring façade made him more dangerous – Nathaniel had learned to read people by their emotions. He knew when Riko’s amusement would turn to rage, when the Master’s cold indifference would turn to wrath. He survived by this skill but it was useless against Andrew’s blank stare. Nathaniel would even take the drugged mania over this – at least it was something he was used to.

A waitress came over, a fake smile plastered across her face, pulling Nathaniel’s thoughts back to the present. He hadn’t picked anything from the menu but it didn’t matter. Despite Aaron and Kevin’s extensive study of the menu, they quietly allowed Nicky to order ice cream for them all. The waitress jotted their order down, her smile still fixed even as Andrew rudely shoved empty cracker packets into her pockets. Nathaniel waited until she had walked away with their order and menus before turning towards Andrew. The man had returned to watching him, his impassive gaze betraying nothing. Nathaniel warred silently with himself on whether to break the silence or not. The quiet was dragging on second by second, digging under Nathaniel’s skin and putting him instantly on guard. He was used to the constant, annoying chatter Andrew usually peppered his surroundings with. Andrew’s silent presence and blank stare was more unnerving than anything else he had done. After another moment had passed, Andrew cocked a single brow and leaned in towards Nathaniel.

“Nothing to say now, little bird? That’s new.” Nathaniel had expected the mocking tone that normally colored Andrew’s voice but his tone was completely flat. He seemed bored by the very prospect of speaking, but Nathaniel didn’t know how much of it was an act or if Andrew really couldn’t care less. He found the complete apathy hard to believe – if Andrew didn’t care, he wouldn’t have bothered to bring Nathaniel here in the first place. Most likely, anger rolled just underneath the pale veneer, waiting to lash out at anything Nathaniel said. But perhaps Andrew would be angrier if Nathaniel ignored him – he had gotten several sharp beatings from ignoring a question from the Master. Nathaniel weighed the odds and decided for a neutral response.

“I don’t like ice cream.” He told the boy quietly, keeping his eyes locked on Andrew’s face. He wanted to tell Andrew that it shouldn’t have been ordered but he knew it would come off as too much of a command. Andrew was not the type to take kindly to commands, sober or high.

Andrew’s expression didn’t change. “Too bad. It’s tradition.” Nathaniel didn’t know what to make of the brusque response so he let the conversation go. Andrew once more leaned back in his chair, cold eyes never quite leaving Nathaniel’s face. After a moment, Nicky picked up the conversation and began chatting animatedly about the latest movies. Nathaniel could sense the nervousness in his tone and stored that away for later. Nicky’s kindness was fake but his fear of Andrew didn’t seem to be. Maybe Nathaniel could use the boy’s fear and his natural friendliness to his advantage later.

Aaron and Kevin soon joined in the conversation and it quickly turned into a relatively heated argument about the abilities of actors Nathaniel had never heard of. Nathaniel tuned them out in favor of staring back at Andrew. It was a defiant move, one that would have gotten him a reaction had Andrew been on his medication. Andrew gave nothing away, content enough to stare back and prolong their impromptu contest. He only looked away once the waitress had returned with their ice cream and the others’ conversation faded out in favor of the food.

Nathaniel quietly thanked the waitress as she set his down but made no move to eat it even as the others dug in. His mother had never bothered buying treats like ice cream when he was young and they had been forbidden by the strict dietary restrictions the Master forced him on. Even had he developed a taste for ice cream, he was not stupid enough to eat any food that came from a kitchen Andrew trusted. He held no interest in the sticky sweet food and watched it melt in silence.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Nathaniel? I know you said you don't like ice cream, but Sweetie's has the best, you have to try something.” Nicky asked, finally noticing that Nathaniel had not touched the ice cream. He pointed towards Nathaniel’s half-melted bowl with his spoon. “I got the sundae because that’s the best here but if you want something else, I’ll ask the waitress to bring something else. She dealt with Kevin’s picky ass when we first brought him here so I’m sure she can handle you.” Nathaniel responded to Nicky with a cold look, barely holding back the biting words he wanted to throw at the boy’s false concern. The older boy frowned back at him, a hint of confusion in his face.

Andrew leaned forward, carelessly knocking his own empty bowl to the side. “You worried I put something in it?” Nathaniel didn’t respond. Nicky blanched at the accusation and turned a hurt look at Nathaniel. Aaron and Kevin seemed content to ignore the discussion as both continued to eat their ice cream as if Andrew wasn’t casually discussing a potential crime.

“Hey now, what kind of people do you think we are?” Nicky demanded, the hurt tone evident in his voice. Nathaniel merely shot him a look before turning towards Andrew. Nicky’s question was stupid and he was loath to leave Andrew out of his sight anyway. The blonde boy still seemed bored but reached out to Nathaniel in a lazy swipe. Nathaniel tensed, expecting a blow, but Andrew merely snatched the bowl from in front of him. Nathaniel watched silently as Andrew grabbed his spoon and took an exaggeratingly slow bite and then pushed the bowl back in front of him. Nathaniel didn’t make any move to grab the bowl.

“If I was going to drug you, I wouldn’t do it here.” Andrew told him, seemingly too bored to be offended by Nathaniel’s distrust. Aaron and Kevin had both finished their own ice cream; Kevin was watching the exchange with a slightly concerned expression but Aaron seemed only annoyed at the delay in their plans. Nathaniel watched Andrew for a moment for any sign of a reaction before he reluctantly grabbed his own spoon.

The ice cream was almost completely melted, more like soup than anything and so sweet Nathaniel nearly made a face. The most sugary things he had been allowed were fruits and the artificial sweetness was an assault to his tongue. Still, he ate the food in silence, all too aware of the eyes on him. Once he finished, he pushed the bowl away, letting it clamor against Andrew’s bowl. Nicky winced at the loud noise as Kevin quickly grabbed the bowl before it could crash onto the floor.

“Immature, much?” Aaron groused, shooting venomous glares at the curious looks they were getting.

“Says the man whose brother wouldn’t leave until I ate the ice cream.” Nathaniel shot back, annoyance coloring his tone. Aaron wasn’t as bad as Andrew but he was still an asshole and Nathaniel was in no mood to deal with the other twin’s attitude problem. The diner had been anticlimactic but Nathaniel was still tense. Whatever Andrew had planned for him was still coming and he didn’t know when the boy would finally strike.

“Enough.” Andrew’s voice was enough to draw both boys’ attention. He was already standing, the waitress at his side. Nathaniel thought she had been drawn to the noise until he noticed the way Andrew’s hand had slid into his pocket and the amount of money he had placed onto the table. It was way more than a few sundaes. Andrew shot him an unamused look, easily catching onto what he had noticed.

“Let’s go.” He turned without another word, not bothering to answer Nathaniel’s silent question. The others followed after him and Nathaniel didn’t waste a second standing around even as his entire body shivered minutely with a sudden chill. Whatever Andrew had pocketed, it would be trouble for Nathaniel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for everyone who waited through the break! I'm back stateside and I look forward to continue this story. My chapters might update a little slower than they were before the break because I am back at school now, but I will shoot for at least once a week. I hope you like the chapter, even though not much happened, and I will try and update again soon. Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

The next drive was more uncomfortable than the last. Nathaniel sat perfectly rigid between the twins as he watched the street lamps dance past through the front window. The sweetness of the ice cream was still heavy on his tongue making his stomach roil sickeningly. No one was speaking, apparently content to let Nicky navigate the busy streets in silence. The quiet made Andrew’s presence at his side all the more apparent – he was close enough that Nathaniel could feel the soft heat of his skin against his own. The heat made Nathaniel grow even tenser, icy fear creeping through his body. Being so close to someone usually meant pain and Nathaniel was all too aware on how easily Andrew could stab him right now. Memories of Lola’s abuse were still sharp in his mind, even a month later.

Nathaniel knew the fears were mostly unfounded – Andrew had ample chance on the way to Columbia to leave his own marks and hadn’t bothered – but Sweetie’s had put him on edge. He didn’t know what the waitress had passed to Andrew and his mind had supplied theories ranging from small, sharp razors to drugs. He knew which one he would prefer – blades were dangerous and painful but they had been a constant in his life from a very young age whilst he had only been drugged a few times. Those memories were hazy but distinctly unpleasant and Nathaniel didn’t want to lose that much control around Andrew and his group. Just because they hadn’t slipped him anything in Sweetie’s didn’t mean he was safe for the whole night.

Nicky pulled into an overcrowded parking lot, forcing Nathaniel to push his thoughts away in favor of leaning forward to see where they were. They had pulled into the lot for an evidently popular nightclub – Nathaniel could hear the music faintly already and spotted a rather impressive line of young people waiting to get in. Nathaniel hated the place already – it was too loud and too crowded. It would be very easy for Andrew to do something without anyone noticing. Reluctantly, he followed Aaron and Kevin out of the car, distinctly aware of Andrew behind him. Nicky stayed in the idling car while Aaron and Kevin went off. Nathaniel thought to follow them but Andrew seemed content to stay by the car and after a moment’s hesitation, Nathaniel did the same. He didn’t want to lose sight of the psychopath while he was in such unfamiliar territory.

He watched in silence as Andrew pulled a thin pack out of his back pocket and flicked out a cigarette. Disapproval ran deep throughout Nathaniel at the boy’s blatant disregard for his own body. He kept quiet but something must have shown on his face because Andrew turned a bland look at him before lifting the cigarette to his pale lips and taking a deep drag. Nathaniel had to fight back a cough when the blonde suddenly blew the smoke into his face and grimaced. The smell of the smoke was sharp and bitter and it scratched at his throat as he accidently inhaled it. Instinctively, he took a step back, glaring slightly at Andrew as he did. Andrew, completely unfazed, took another deep drag of his cigarette, eyes still trained on Nathaniel. Nathaniel thought of saying something about cancer but stopped himself – if Andrew wanted to shorten his life it was no skin off his back. Honestly, he would welcome one less threat in his life.

Andrew hadn’t finished smoking before Kevin and Aaron came back but he put it out anyway, crunching the half-burned stick under his boot. Wordlessly, Aaron passed a parking pass through the window to Nicky who sped off for a space the moment he had it. Nathaniel watched the car turn into a spot with a perfectly constructed blank face. Briefly he considered the possibility of stealing the keys off Nicky later but quickly discarded it as a bad idea. He had learned how to drive on the run with his mother the moment he was tall enough to see over the dashboard but it had been years since he had done it – the Master had not permitted him such a luxury. The thought of stealing the cousins’ car was pettily tempting but ultimately foolish – Nathaniel would either die in a crash or by Andrew’s blade the next time he encountered the blonde. There would be no escape.

“Move along, little bird.” Andrew’s voice broke through Nathaniel’s thoughts and he obediently turned towards the dark building in front of them. Aaron and Andrew led them passed the long line, stopping only long enough for Aaron to do some complicated hand shake with the bouncer. Nathaniel stored that in the back of his mind with a shot of panic – the cousins obviously knew the people here well. There would be no sympathetic staff to help out if things got rough.

Inside the club was even worse than the outside – the music thrummed way too loudly, beating harshly against Nathaniel’s ears, and warm bodies pressed tightly against his as he followed the twins through the dance floor. He had been in a club only once before with some of the Ravens and he had hated it then too. Hazy memories of what had happened that night rose to the surface and he hastily pushed them away as he forced himself through the throng of drunken bodies. It would not do to dwell on the bad things that had happened before when he was in very real danger now. Even with that resolution, his body relaxed slightly once he had reached the table the twins had managed to secure and he was no longer being touched everywhere.

Andrew and Aaron had gotten the only empty table remaining and Kevin made quick work of stealing enough chairs that everyone could sit. They had only sat for a moment when Nicky arrived, a wide grin on his face. Andrew reached into his pocket once Nicky sat down and Nathaniel tensed beside him. He didn’t relax any when Andrew placed his hand back on the table, revealing several clear plastic bags of white powder. Nathaniel couldn’t stop the slight flinch at the drugs although no one seemed to notice as they all grabbed a packet. Nathaniel was surprised and slightly disappointed when even Kevin snatched one of the packets – he had been present the few times Riko had drugged Nathaniel and was the last one Nathaniel would have expected to willingly abuse such substances.

Andrew was the only one to notice that Nathaniel hadn’t moved to take a bag. He shook his own ostentatiously in Nathaniel’s face even as everyone else tore their bags open. “Too good for drugs?” The tone was only slightly mocking and he shook the bag again for effect. Nathaniel shook his head.

“They’re pointless.” He responded, tone flat even as he balled his hands to hide the shaking of his fingers. Any minute now Andrew would force the drugs on him, he knew it. Would force his mouth open and pour the bag in and wait for them to take effect. Nathaniel didn’t know what he would do once they had, but he knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

“Oh come on Nathaniel,” Nicky pleaded, his own bag empty in front of him. “We took you out so you could get to know us better; it’s no fun partying sober. Dust’s nothing too bad for you, just gives you a little high. Even Kevin does it.” He pointed towards the striker emphatically to prove his point and Nathaniel turned his face half towards the taller boy. Kevin had drowned his bag quickly and was staring quietly at Nathaniel. He knew more than anyone why Nathaniel didn’t want anything to do with dust or anything remotely like it but he also wouldn’t come to his aid. Most likely he would help hold Nathaniel’s arms down when Andrew finally made his move.

“No.” He said, knowing it would be pointless. Andrew withdrew his hand and ripped open the bag. Nathaniel tensed, waiting for Andrew to make his move, and was surprised when the blonde poured the drugs down his own throat and swallowed dry. He was still in shock when the blonde stood up and pulled Nathaniel to his feet.

“Come on Saint Nathaniel,” he told the boy, prodding him harshly in his side to get him to move out of the way. None of the others made any move to stop them although Aaron snorted derisively and Kevin and Nicky both had looks of concern as Andrew led Nathaniel back into the press of people. Tense and afraid, Nathaniel followed after the blonde. Andrew had given Nathaniel a choice with the drugs – even though there were still several bags at the table he hadn’t made any attempt to force them on him. Nathaniel wasn’t naïve enough to believe this was simply a chance to get to know the group, as Nicky had suggested, but he also couldn’t figure out what Andrew was planning. Not being able to read the blonde put him on edge and even when it became clear that Andrew was leading him to the bar rather than outside to gut him, Nathaniel stayed tense.

“Hey Andrew! How’s it going?” A tall, dark haired bartender smiled easily at Andrew. Surprise flickered on his face when he caught sight of Nathaniel standing behind the blonde. “And you brought a friend?” The incredulous tone in the man’s voice showcased how rare it was for Andrew to bring a new person to the club. It didn’t make Nathaniel feel any better to be part of that select group.

“He’s new. Give me the usual, Roland.” Andrew’s tart tone didn’t seem to offend the bartender and the man quickly busied himself with pouring shots of clear and amber liquid. Nathaniel watched the hard liquor splash into the small glasses wordlessly, a growing sense of horror spreading inside him. Memories of his mother forcing harsh liquids down his throat before stitching his skin back together rose unabated and he had to look away. Even after all this time, alcohol had a haunting effect on him.

“I don’t drink,” he forced his tone neutral as he spoke, choosing to glance at Andrew instead of the shots. Andrew’s face didn’t change but he didn’t argue when Roland poured a soda for Nathaniel instead. Nathaniel would’ve fought against the sugary drink but he felt he had pushed enough. He didn’t know if Andrew had expected him to play the game or not but he couldn’t imagine that refusing him too many times would have a good effect on his physical or mental wellbeing. He decided to just be grateful that the man wasn’t being pushy like he had with the ice cream.

Andrew picked up the tray after tossing a couple twenties at Roland and Nathaniel followed after him, grimacing slightly as people pressed against him once more. Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky were still at the table and Nicky cheered loudly at the amount of shots Andrew had secured for them. They each grabbed one and Andrew pushed Nathaniel’s drink towards him. Nicky looked crestfallen when he realized Nathaniel was abstaining from alcohol as well as the drugs but chose not to say anything. Neither Kevin nor Aaron seemed to have noticed, evidently too busy in taking as many shots as possible before Nicky and Andrew joined them.

Nathaniel hesitantly picked up his drink. Andrew was watching him with sharp eyes and he inhaled quietly before taking a deep drink. The sticky sweetness was worse than the ice cream, almost unbearably sugary and he almost gagged. It had been awhile since Nathaniel had drunk soda but he was almost positive that it wasn’t supposed to taste like this. Instinct had him about to spit the liquid out but Andrew’s hand viciously clamped against his mouth before he could. The other boys shifted slightly, covertly blocking the immediate view of Nathaniel as Andrew forced him to swallow the spiked drink.

“So foolish, little bird. Did you think you were really being given a choice?” Andrew hissed quietly. Nathaniel bit viciously against the man’s hand but that only resulted in a tighter grip and a warning hand on his throat. “One shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds them,” Andrew scolded mockingly, “that drink was expensive. And you are going to finish it.” Nathaniel struggled fiercely, fear forcing him into a near panic. But Andrew was stronger than him and he pressed himself against Nathaniel, digging a knee onto Nathaniel’s thigh to keep him in place as a rough hand forced his jaw open. Nathaniel pushed against the man but he was as solid as stone and his body didn’t budge against Nathaniel’s shoves.

“Kevin.” Andrew held his free hand out towards the boy beside him. Nathaniel’s eyes shot towards the boy, pleading silently despite himself. Kevin had fought when Riko had done this, although weakly. Maybe there were still lines the man wouldn’t cross. Nathaniel couldn’t help the sharp spike of bitter betrayal that stabbed into him when Kevin, grimacing guiltily, placed the glass of dark liquid into Andrew’s waiting hand without hesitation. Nathaniel gagged when the dark liquid was poured down his throat. He wanted to spit it back up at the blonde but a pale hand once more clamped against his mouth, forcing him to gag more before swallowing the hated liquid.

“Now, that’s better.” Andrew crooned when the glass had been emptied, some of it having dribbled down into Nathaniel’s shirt. A warning hand was still on Nathaniel’s throat, forcing him into stillness. His eyes burned with anger and frustration, staring hatefully down at the psychopath before he turned his gaze towards the others. Aaron seemed unfazed by the sheer hatred in Nathaniel’s icy eyes but both Nicky and Kevin flinched away. Andrew didn’t look away from Nathaniel as he gestured lazily towards the other three.

“Go.” Aaron didn’t even hesitate before he stood, completely unbothered by the vicious scuffle he had witnessed, and disappeared into the crowd. After a brief moment Kevin followed him, a deep frown etched into his face. Nathaniel had no doubt the coward was heading to the bar for more liquor – with any luck the bastard would get alcohol poisoning and do them all the favor of dropping dead.

“What are you going to do?” Only Nicky remained now, a doubtful look spreading across his face. He alone seemed uncomfortable by the display of ruthlessness. Nathaniel didn’t put any stock in it – Nicky’s discomfort hadn’t been enough for the boy to stop his psychotic cousin and he was unlikely to help now. Nathaniel glared hard enough that the man recoiled before he turned his hard gaze back to his attacker.

For the first time that night, Andrew smiled. It was a small, bitter and vicious twist of his lips and a jolt of fear shot through him despite his anger. “We’re going to wait here, me and little bird, until that drink settles in. Then we’re going to chat.” Andrew hadn’t looked away from Nathaniel as he answered his cousin, that cruel smile still fixed in place. Nathaniel felt dread settle deep into him; hardly noticing as Nicky nodded nervously and retreated into the pulsing crowd, leaving him completely alone with Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait! Settling back into the college pace has been more time-consuming than I thought it would. Hopefully, the length of this chapter makes up for its lateness. I hope you like the chapter and I will try and update again soon! Thank you for reading.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey as a heads up, there is a very, very brief mention of self-harm while Andrew and Neil are talking in the first part (about five paragraphs in). No actual self-harm though, just a mention.

Nathaniel pushed against Andrew, desperate for just a little space. His mind was foggy with panic and the fast-acting drugs and Andrew’s warm body around his was quickly overwhelming all his senses. Fear was spreading through him and he felt like he would vomit at any moment. He had no idea what sort of things Andrew wanted to know but he knew he couldn’t say anything. If even a whisper of what he said got back to his father, Nathaniel would be dead before the weekend was over. He needed to get away; that was the only clear thought in his boggled mind and he viciously shook his body once more.

Andrew was unfazed by Nathaniel’s movements and he casually released Nathaniel’s throat in favor for gripping the boy’s face. Nathaniel flinched viciously as slender fingers dug into the skin around his left eye. For a moment, Nathaniel feared Andrew would do something to it but the boy seemed content with staring momentarily before he moved his hand away once more. Nathaniel didn’t know what Andrew was looking for but he seemed to have found it. Just as suddenly as Andrew had pressed himself onto Nathaniel, he moved away, keeping only one hand against the other man’s mouth.

Nathaniel didn’t allow himself to revel in the moment’s relief, but immediately moved his hand up and fiercely pried Andrew’s fingers away from his face. Andrew didn’t fight the movement but grabbed onto Nathaniel’s wrist, viciously pressing into the side and making it go limp. Nathaniel felt the sharp pain shoot up his arm but didn’t flinch, settling on glaring at the blonde as best as he could.

Anger roared within him, pushing his fear aside in favor of lashing out at the man. “Why the fuck – “he started. He didn’t get to finish his question before Andrew pressed his fingers harshly into his wrist once more, stubby nails threatening to break into the pale skin beneath them. Nathaniel fell silent as he instinctively twisted his wrist away from the pain. Andrew held on stubbornly, scratching deep lines from the outside of Nathaniel’s wrist to the inside. Nathaniel hissed slightly as a familiar heat bloomed against his wrist where Andrew’s fingernails had cut into the pale scars. Beside him, Andrew froze for a moment before he looked down. Roughly he forced Nathaniel’s wrist around, splaying the pale wrist between them.

Nathaniel didn’t understand the heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach as Andrew impassively studied the thin lines across his wrist. Some were obviously old scars – pale reminders from when Riko liked him chained to the bed – while others were just as obviously new, thin brown scabs from when Nathaniel needed a release at night. Andrew dropped the wrist, an unreadable expression on his face. Nathaniel pulled his arm towards his body, hiding the scars by pressing them against his stomach. He stared at Andrew, suddenly feeling defensive as well as angry. His scars were private, hidden reminders of what he had survived and of what he was capable of doing to keep surviving. It wasn’t Andrew’s right to take away that refuge from him.

“Coward.” Andrew said the one word conversationally, his bored tone sounding as if he was merely commenting on the weather. Nathaniel was slow to process what Andrew had said and even less quick to pick up the boy’s meaning. The drugs were slowing his thoughts down and muddling his anger and fear. He wondered vaguely if that was what Andrew felt when his pills started taking effect – he might have pitied the man in that moment if he didn’t hate him so passionately. He remained silent, not trusting himself to speak while he wasn’t sober.

Andrew seemed not to care that Nathaniel didn’t answer him and didn’t bother to elaborate what he had meant. Instead he leaned back, content at staring at Nathaniel for a moment. Finally after a long silence, he spoke again. “It’s interesting that someone so cowardly managed to find the backbone to stay away from the people who hurt him.” He didn’t bother to clarify what people he meant – Nathaniel knew even in his drug addled mind that he was referring to the Ravens. He caught himself before he said anything incriminating and carefully picked out a neutral response.

“It’s not that interesting. Kevin did too.” When in doubt, referring to Kevin nearly always got Andrew’s attention focused on the dark-haired bastard.

“Kevin’s also convinced Riko’s coming all this way just to bring him back. He’s resigned himself for the moment the Moriyamas order him back. You haven’t.” It wasn’t a question and Nathaniel didn’t bother to respond. He didn’t know where Andrew had drawn that conclusion, didn’t know when he had given that away. It was true that Nathaniel now feared his father more than the Moriyamas but he had no clue on when Andrew had picked up on that shift.

“I don’t know what brought you to the idea that I was ever going back. They left me bleeding outside your coach’s door. It didn’t take much to figure out I wasn’t wanted.”

“Yet when I saw you, you seemed pretty determined in getting out of Abby’s house. Where would you go, if not back to your team?” Andrew paused there, giving Nathaniel only a moment to answer before he spoke again. “Perhaps to your father?” The question was poised with as much carelessness as the first but Nathaniel felt his breath catch.

“Shut up.” Nathaniel didn’t dare say any more, although the words were poised at the tip of his tongue. This was stupidly dangerous; Nathaniel wasn’t going to sign his death warrant just because this psychopath wanted some answers.

“Don’t think I will. You see, I find it interesting that you were all bound and determined to get back and then your daddy appeared and it all changed. You came back bloody all over again and much more willing to stay. Now, Kevin won’t tell me anything about your father but I can’t help but wonder how you came to the Moriyamas if he’s still around. Or about what he said that you got you so interested in becoming part of our team.” Panic slammed into Nathaniel. Andrew’s words were too close, much too close to the truth and they were dangerous. Before he could stop himself, he stood. All he knew was that he had to get away – he couldn’t say anything more without signing his life away.

Andrew was stronger than him but Nathaniel was faster. The little psychopath had made a great mistake when he had let go of Nathaniel. He was darting away from the table before the blonde was even out of his chair. Nathaniel pushed bodies away from him, not bothering to apologize as he shoved people aside. He didn’t know if Andrew was following and he didn’t bother to turn around to find out. He would find a way out of the club and get to a payphone. He would call himself a cab and get back to Palmetto. He would deal with Andrew again there, when the drugs were out of his system and he could think. It had been a mistake to allow Andrew to take him into his territory – no matter how afraid Nathaniel was of what he could do, he would never do this again.

He had almost made it out of the mobbed dance floor when he felt arms grab onto him. Thinking it was Andrew, Nathaniel instinctively threw his elbows out, jabbing them fiercely into the body behind him. He heard a satisfying grunt of pain and the arms loosened around him. Nathaniel had made another step before a strong hand wrapped around his wrist.

“Nathaniel! Hey, Nathaniel! Calm down!” Nicky’s voice barely made it over the pounding music and Nathaniel didn’t even bother to acknowledge it. He continued to struggle but Nicky, deceptively strong, pulled him back in towards him. “Shit, calm down!” Nicky sounded frantic as he tried to hold on to him as Nathaniel violently squirmed in his arms.

“Let fucking go of me!” Nathaniel snarled viciously, anger and panic coloring his tone. He glared at the taller boy but Nicky held on, surprisingly unfazed.

“You’re making a scene, fucking calm down.” Nicky pushed Nathaniel against a wall to keep him still. They were close enough to the door that Nathaniel could see the bouncer and the start of the line of people waiting to get in, but far enough away that he knew he couldn’t make it before Nicky grabbed him again. Disappointment was bitter in his mouth. Andrew hadn’t caught up yet but Nathaniel knew it wouldn’t be long before he saw them. And then he would pry all the answers he could out of Nathaniel. Probably with the help of his sharp blades.

“Hey, you okay?” Nicky’s voice was concerned. Nathaniel responded by glaring; he was tempted to spit at him but he knew the petty response wouldn’t help him. “Where’s Andrew?” Nicky asked and he took his eyes off Nathaniel to look at the crowd around them. Nathaniel took his chance; he pushed against the wall as hard as he could and nearly succeeded in bucking Nicky off. Nicky swore and pushed Nathaniel against the wall, hard enough to smack the boy’s head against the wall. Nathaniel grunted as pain blossomed from the back of his head but pushed against Nicky again. Nicky responded by tightening his grip on Nathaniel’s arms and holding him against the wall. “Calm down!” Nicky repeated. “Shit Nathaniel!” Nicky’s face swam into focus as the pain faded some in his head. The older boy was much too close, his face crowding most of Nathaniel’s vision. His expression was the mixture of guilt and worry that Nathaniel had grown familiar with. It didn’t bode well for the auburn haired boy. He pushed against Nicky again, but the pain in his head made it more difficult and the attempt was half-hearted at best.

“It would have been better if you had just gone with it. I’m so sorry.” Nicky told him, resignation and guilt coloring his tone. Nathaniel didn’t know if Nicky was apologizing for slamming him against the wall or for what Andrew would do when he found the two of them. It didn’t matter for long; he watched Nicky grab something from his pocket and pour it into his own mouth. Before Nathaniel could even guess what Nicky had done, the older boy’s mouth was pressed against his own. Nathaniel froze instinctively. He had been kissed only once before and the horrible, hazy memory of Riko’s lips against his was enough to paralyze him.

Nicky forced Nathaniel’s mouth open and the familiar sickly sweetness exploded on his tongue. He didn’t even fight it, too surprised and horrified. Nicky pulled away once he was sure Nathaniel had swallowed the dust. It registered to Nathaniel for a moment that Nicky looked nearly sick with guilt. Then his vision erupted into brightly colored blurs and he didn’t remember anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! It was a little shorter than the last but I felt that the last scene was a natural stopping point. Next chapter will begin the aftermath and I hope to have it up by next week. It'll probably be a little more ugly than in the book, since Nathaniel has a couple different problems than Neil, but I hope you like it anyway. Thank you for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

Nathaniel woke slowly in an unfamiliar bed, sharp pain erupting from the back of his head and throat burning horribly. He held his body tense, waiting for the memories to come – whatever Riko had done this time must have been pretty severe, if he had been moved from the Nest. Someone shifted beside him and the mattress dipped with their weight.

“Jean?” he asked, voice harsh with disuse. The person beside him shifted again and Nathaniel felt a gentle hand press against his forehead.

“Not quite,” a familiar voice said as he pushed Nathaniel’s bangs from his face. Nathaniel pushed the hand back immediately and tried to sit up. Moving so fast was a mistake and he was forced to lean forward, vomiting explosively onto the floor by the bed. The man beside him cursed loudly and grabbed a nearby bin, pushing it in front of Nathaniel as he continued to violently expel the remnants of his stomach. As his stomach heaved, memories of last night rose unabated through his foggy mind. His anger rose even as he desperately tried to suck in deep breaths through his heaves.

Nicky laid a hand on his back and Nathaniel pulled away violently. “Don’t – don’t fucking touch me,” Nathaniel managed to put enough venom in his words that Nicky immediately removed his hand. Nathaniel took a moment to catch his breath, heart pounding erratically as he took in Nicky. The older boy was sitting on the bed, watching Nathaniel with concerned eyes. Nathaniel remembered the feel of Nicky’s hands hard against him and nearly vomited again. His body shook with anger and sickness, the pounding in his head making it difficult to concentrate.

“Here,” Nicky held out a tall glass cautiously, unsure how Nathaniel would react. “Cracker dust dehydrates you like crazy. Water should help.” Nathaniel watched him through narrowed eyes. The boy seemed like he sincerely wanted to help - he was staring at Nathaniel with a concerned, helpful gaze and he made no move to touch him again. With a hesitant hand, Nathaniel reached out for the clear glass. Nicky’s lips quirked up into a small, reassuring smile. Nathaniel’s eyes were drawn to them and his stomach heaved with the memory of them heavy against his own. He wrapped his hand around the glass just before Nicky removed his own – and promptly threw it against the wall, relishing in the loud crash as the glass erupted into shards. Nicky jumped from the bed with a very obvious cringe. Nathaniel relished that as well, even though his head throbbed from his sudden movement.

“I see Sleeping Beauty is awake,” a dry voice spoke out from the doorway and Nicky and Nathaniel both immediately turned. Upon seeing the slight, blonde figure, Nathaniel immediately gripped around for another solid object. His hand landed on an alarm clock and he wrenched it from the wall viciously. A moment later the blonde was ducking as it flew past his head. “Settle down. You’re going to make yourself sick again, dumb ass.” Aaron – Nathaniel knew it was him from the angry tone in his voice – strode into the room, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the mess on the floor.

Nathaniel tensed as the boy stopped in front of him and placed a hand on the back of his head, tugging it up not at all gently so that he could look into Nathaniel’s eyes. The clear hazel of Aaron’s eyes were the exact same shade as Andrew’s and Nathaniel tried to bat him away as the vivid memory of Andrew staring at him last night arose. “Knock it off or I’ll have Nicky hold your hands down.” Aaron threatened, annoyance lacing his voice as he tugged Nathaniel’s hair again. Nathaniel felt himself shiver at the threat and obediently kept his hands down as Aaron looked his fill. It took only a moment for Aaron to find what he was looking for.

“You have a concussion. Luckily for you, it’s very mild. Of course, it would have served your dumbass right if it was more severe.” Nathaniel stared at him for a moment. He didn’t know what had happened last night to give him a concussion – he remembered Nicky slamming him against the wall but that hadn’t been enough to do it – and he knew even less about why it would have been his fault. The slight confusion must have shown on his face because Aaron snorted derisively.

“Of course you don’t remember. Not surprising considering how much Andrew dosed you up. You gave it to yourself after Nicky found you trying to run. Slammed your head against the wall hard enough to knock yourself out. Andrew was super pissed when he found you – cut the night short and sent us all back here. If you were smart, you would’ve kept sleeping – Andrew wasn’t going to fuck with you while you were sleeping. Now you’re free game.” Aaron’s tone was an impressive mixture of amusement and annoyance as if he was torn between the two. Nathaniel ignored it though, too busy with the relief flooding through his body.

Andrew had come too late to get Nathaniel from Nicky – he was out before Andrew could get anything out of him. The bone-tingling relief that he would live another day without his father’s wrath was almost enough to curb his anger at Andrew and his group. Nicky’s presence, which had momentarily faded to the back of Nathaniel’s mind with Aaron’s appearance, was suddenly very apparent as the boy came back to his side, a fresh glass of water in his hand. He must have slipped out and back in while Aaron was speaking. The closeness of the man brought Nathaniel’s anger back full-force and he glared as he slapped the glass away.

“Come on, Nathaniel. You’ve got to get something in you before Andrew and Kevin get back. Andrew’s going to want to leave immediately after we eat and you’re not going to be up for the trip unless you drink.” Nicky’s wheedling fell onto death ears as Nathaniel turned away from him pointedly.

“Let him be miserable, Nicky. If he’s going to be a child about everything there’s no point in trying to help him.” Aaron told Nicky as he watched the exchange. Nathaniel turned his glare to the small blonde. Aaron stared back, unaffected. “There’s a bathroom next door with some clean clothes for you. At the very least clean yourself up. I’m not going to smell your fucking puke all the way back to the campus.” At those words he turned from the room and walked out. Nicky stared at Nathaniel for a moment longer, a pleading look in his eyes begging for Nathaniel to acknowledge him. After a moment of stony silence he left as well, leaving the glass on the nightstand behind him.

Nathaniel stood and immediately stopped. Without the distraction of the two boys, the aching pain was horrible and he needed to take a couple breaths before he moved again. Carefully he skirted around the puddle of sick but stopped before he moved too far away. He stared at the water for a moment, a silent war in his head. He grabbed the glass and immediately tipped it all over the bed covers. It was childish but the petty act made him feel a little better.

His way out of the room was slow – his limbs were sound but the ache in his head was distractingly painful and he needed to walk gingerly to avoid jostling himself too wildly. Nathaniel hated vomiting and would do nearly anything to avoid doing it again. When he finally made it to the door across the hallway he had to stop and let the pounding in his head recede before he opened the door and slid in. The bathroom was small but clean and a fresh towel and clothes sat neatly folded on the toilet lid. Nathaniel ignored them in favor of the sink. He turned the cold faucet on all the way and ducked his head, gulping down the icy water. When his head was somewhat clearer and the burning in his throat had receded, he shut it off and turned towards the shower.

The shower was large enough to take up the whole wall, doubling as a bathtub, but Nathaniel gave it only a cursory glance, more interested in the window that sat cut into the middle of the tile. It was small but with enough desperation and wriggling he could fit through it. He turned the water on; hoping to mask any sound the glass might make, and quickly opened the window. It slid without any resistance and Nathaniel allowed himself a small, humorless smile. Aaron and Nicky might’ve thought Nathaniel scared enough to obediently wait for Andrew to come back but they underestimated him greatly. He was only obedient to those that could harm him and nothing these boys could do would hold a candle out to what his father was capable of. He knew he would have to deal with Andrew but he would do it on neutral ground, when he had time to come up with an adequate story to appease the psychopath.

Nathaniel stripped out of his dirty clothes and shoved the new ones on, barely noticing how well they fit. He took a moment to spitefully shove the clothes as far down the toilet as he could before he toed his shoes back on and stepped into the shower. It took only a moment – a very frightening couple of seconds as he forced himself to squeeze through the hole – before he was out of the bathroom and standing in a small side yard. He was drenched on one side from the spray of the shower but paid it no mind – it would dry quickly enough in the summer sun – and quickly made his way to the front of the house.

Nathaniel was mindful of keeping away from the windows as he checked the front yard and street for any sign of Andrew or his car. Seeing none, he swiftly made his way onto the street and out of the sight of the small house. Once he had turned the corner, he slowed his pace to a brisk walk. It would be best not to draw attention to himself now and a strange teenager running through the streets soaking wet would be strange enough for any of the neighbors to call him in.

Nathaniel managed to find a small convenience store and quietly bought a couple bottles of water and a map from the store clerk. It had been a long time since he had done this – packed up and ran – but he had been well practiced in the short years he had been with his mother and he still knew the exact type of smile that would keep a curious attendant from asking any questions. The man hardly paid him any extra attention and Nathaniel left without problems. He would have kept going – he was still in the cousins’ neighborhood and Andrew could drive by at any moment – but his head was pounding again and he drained two of his water bottles before he had left the small parking lot.  
His next stop was in front of an old payphone, just a few yards from the store. It was an ancient device, neglected from disuse but a dial tone rang out when he picked up the phone and he breathed a silent thanks to the universe as he quickly inserted a few coins and dialed the number he had forced himself to memorize.

"Hello?” A male voice answered slowly; sleep making the voice nearly unrecognizable. For a split second Nathaniel thought he had called the wrong number but that idea was quickly disregarded – he only knew a handful of numbers after all and he had no reason to call any of the others.

“Matt, hey. It’s Nathaniel. Sorry for waking you.” A sharp intake of breath came from the other line and Nathaniel imagined Matt suddenly waking up fully.

“Nathaniel! Are you alright? Where are you? You’re not still with Andrew’s group, right?” Obviously Matt hadn’t forgotten that Andrew had invited Nathaniel out. Judging from the tone in his voice, he had been quite worried. Nathaniel wondered idly if Matt had also been invited to one of Andrew’s little outings but quickly brushed the thought away. He didn’t have time to care about any of his teammates’ murky pasts.

“I’m fine. I’m in Columbia but I’m not with Andrew’s group.” Nathaniel heard several muffled but distinctive curses from the other line as Matt reacted to his words and had to wait a moment for the boy to return to the phone.

“You need a ride?” Matt’s voice was a strained, forced calm. Nathaniel didn’t have time for the boy’s foolish good intentions and allowed a slight tinge of annoyance to color his tone.

“I’m fine; I’ve got my own way back. I just need you to do something for me. I’ll probably get back after Andrew’s group; can you make sure they stay out of the room?” Nathaniel didn’t think there was anything too incriminating amongst his meager belongings but he also hated the idea of Andrew pawing through them.

“Yeah, yeah. No problem, I’ll keep the little psycho out. You sure you’re good?”

“I’m fine. Thanks.” Nathaniel hung the phone up and stepped away from the booth. He had been watching the street as he spoke to Matt, keeping a trained eye out for Andrew’s black car. It hadn’t passed but neither did any others. The street was a quiet one, which meant Nathaniel probably couldn’t hitchhike here. He would have to call a cab and get dropped off somewhere busier.

He had just started walking back to the store, intent on asking the clerk for the local taxi company’s number when a black car pulled into the small street, stopping less than a foot from him. For a moment Nathaniel’s heart sped, thinking it was Andrew who had found him. Then the backseat window rolled down and his heart plunged at the terrifyingly familiar face.

“Junior.” Lola greeted, no trace of amusement in her voice as she stared at him with cold eyes. It was the most serious Nathaniel had ever seen her and knew instinctively that didn’t bode well for him. His heart thudded painfully as she opened the car door. “Get in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked the chapter! Originally I was going to include more of the last bit but I wanted to get this up and still do some homework tonight. I know not much happened this chapter (besides Aaron being a bit of an ass), but next chapter will be pretty busy so hopefully that will make up for it. Thank you for reading, and I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can.


	24. Chapter 24

Nathaniel slid in gingerly, heart pounding erratically. Lola gave him only a cursory glance before she leaned over the front seat and whispered into the driver’s ear. The man nodded silently and slid back onto the street with ease. Lola watched out the front window just long enough to confirm he was following her directions before she finally turned her attention to Nathaniel. Her face was unnerving, a carefully blank expression that belied nothing. Nathaniel was reminded of Andrew’s apathetic expression and felt a shudder run through him – he’d give anything to see her too-wide smile.

Lola stared at him for just a moment before she beckoned him towards her. Nathaniel immediately shifted and slid himself into the middle seat. He managed to control his body and hide his flinch when she slid a hand across his chest, resting it gently on his shoulder. Nathaniel grew more tense the longer she sat still, waiting for the pain to begin. He knew Lola was here to punish him, possibly kill him. He must have waited too long; his father had perceived his inaction as failure.

Lola’s nails dug into the crook of his neck finally and the pain was a welcome distraction to his steadily rising panic. “I’m disappointed Junior,” Lola finally spoke, her voice soft as she withdraw a thin blade with her spare hand. “I so thought you had understood me last time.” Her fingers relaxed and she gently traced her hand up his neck before she rested it on his right cheek. She used it to keep him still as she leaned in. “Remember? I said you couldn’t afford to fail. That your Daddy would kill you if you did? Remember that, Junior?” Her voice was a soft whisper, a warm caress against his skin. While she spoke, she skillfully slid the blade under his shirt and traced a long, thin cut across his hip bone. He barely withheld the shudder, knowing personally how much worse it would be if he tried to shy away.

“I asked you a question, Junior.” The knife dipped more deeply, carving in enough that Nathaniel let out an involuntary gasp. “Do you remember?” Lola spoke slowly, enunciating her words with several taps of her blade on uncut skin just above the newly sliced flesh, a warning of what was to come. She would flay him alive; cut his skin off an inch at a time, if he only gave her the chance. He nodded silently, mindful of the grip she still held on his face. It wasn’t much of a response but it seemed to satisfy Lola.

“You do remember,” a small smile was now playing against her lips, a cruel twist upwards as she slid the knife up, angling it just under his bottom rib. Nathaniel’s breath became shallow – one deep breath and she would shred him. “And yet, you’ve done nothing. No contact with the Little Moriyama or the Master, no press release announcing your split. Nothing. Instead,” she slid her knife casually, cutting a stinging line across his rib. “You’re out in some nightclub, getting felt up by some fairy. Tell me, were his filthy little touches worth your life?” she slid the knife out of his shirt, tracing a thin line down his stomach. “Was he a good enough fuck to justify your death?” She placed the knife against his throat as she spoke, a dangerous threat. If he didn’t answer properly, she would slice his throat without a single thought.

Dimly, Nathaniel wondered if Andrew would be curious at his disappearance or just chalk it up to spinelessness. The memory of the man’s cold eyes and the way he had so callously called Nathaniel a coward the night before sprang up in his mind. The humiliation rose too, bringing a hint a fire back to Nathaniel. He refused to let Andrew think he won. He pushed himself back just enough that he could look at Lola’s face better, ignoring the warning bite of her fingernails against his cheek.

“It’s not like that. I had to gain the Foxes’ trust or they wouldn’t let me stay. It takes time and I need their protection to make this work.” Nathaniel spoke, forcing himself to keep eye contact with Lola. Her face was impassive again but she hadn’t slid the knife into his skin yet and Nathaniel allowed himself to take that as a hesitantly positive sign that she was willing to listen.

“I didn’t realize gaining trust meant letting some man shove his tongue down your throat like some common whore. Tell me, was he as good as the last man who bent you over?” Lola spoke softly but her fingers dug into his face, forcing him to keep eye contact when he wanted to look away. A flush of shame crept into his cheeks at her words but he pushed aside the biting words that sat on the tip of his tongue.

“He forced himself on me.” Nathaniel nearly hissed the words. A sense of shame mingled with self disgust – to admit he wasn’t strong enough to stop Nicky’s advances sounded too much like weakness in his own ears. “His cousin didn’t trust me; they were trying to get answers. He was forcing drugs on me, trying to get me high. I knocked myself out before they learned anything.” Nathaniel rushed the last bit slightly, trying to get it out all out before Lola could react. It was a risk telling her so much – if she didn’t believe him he was dead – but he knew he had to gamble it. If he said nothing, he was just as good as dead.

Lola stared at him intently, reading his face. Nathaniel schooled his expression into one of calm, balling his hands into tight fists to keep the rising panic off his face. The fresh sting of his nails into the palms of his hands was enough to keep his façade in place. After a tense moment, Lola broke the silence. She laughed as she pulled her hand away from his face. The surprisingly girlish giggle surprised Nathaniel and he almost didn’t register the bite of the knife as it dug into the crook of his neck.

“Oh Junior,” Lola’s voice was heavy with her mirth and a grin split her mouth open. It would have been a comforting sight had his blood not begun welling up underneath her sharp blade. “Didn’t your mother teach you anything when you were on the run? If a man tries to touch you, take a blade and teach him a lesson he’ll never forget,” She slid the sharp steel down as she spoke, slicing a slender, shallow line down around his collarbone. Nathaniel barely let himself breath, knowing she was one wrong move away from digging the blade deeply into him again. “Will those boys be a problem for you? Lola deftly changed the subject, eyes dropping from his face to watch the way his blood traced scarlet lines down his collarbone and beneath his shirt.

She could almost be mistaken as concerned, had Nathaniel not known her so well. For a moment he nearly said yes – it was sorely tempting to just let someone else deal with Andrew and his group. He chased the thought away nearly as quickly as it came though – he had vowed he would never be like his father and he wouldn’t wish Lola’s sadism on anyone. He shook his head instead, drawing Lola’s gaze back to his face.

“I can handle them. I have a plan in place that will distract their ringleader and draw Riko in.” Nathaniel’s words caught Lola’s attention just as he knew it would. Her gaze was curious as she traced her knife playfully around the exposed bit of his shoulder. “I made some calls to a talk show hosted by Kathy Ferdinand. She has a real soft spot for any Ravens gossip, I told her I had a story and convinced her to bring me on the show. I also told her to ask for Riko and Kevin although they don’t know the invitation came from me. Announcing my signing to the Foxes on public television is bound to get some bad press for the Ravens. Riko won’t be able to contain his rage on camera and Kevin’s so much a coward that being caught in that will send him spiraling. His guard dog will be too preoccupied making sure he doesn’t drown himself in vodka to worry about me. It’s a good start to the plan.”

Nathaniel held his breath once he finished speaking. If Lola didn’t accept his idea, that would be the end. He was so worried that he didn’t realize the car had come to a stop until they had been still for nearly a minute. Lola was grinning again as she gestured for Nathaniel to look out the window. He was surprised that he recognized the tall apartment building in front of him. He had been here consciously only once at the beginning of the summer but he knew Wymack’s building by heart anyway. Nathaniel hadn’t realized they had driven for so long.

“You’re lucky that I had faith in your intelligence, Junior. I didn’t tell your father about your little discretions and as long as you continue your part, I won’t. Now go along and get dear old Coach to clean you up all pretty so you don’t scare your teammates. He did an excellent job stitching you up last time.” Nathaniel wasted no time in grabbing for the door handle, breathing a silent sigh of relief when it pulled out with no resistance. He wasn’t going to die today. “Remember,” Lola called softly as Nathaniel opened the door fully, “there will not be a next time. If I feel you’re straying again, I won’t be alone when I come for you.” The laughter that followed her words sent shivers down his spine as he stepped out of the car. He slammed the door to drown it out but it remained heavy in the air even as the car sped out away from him.

Nathaniel didn’t stick around to see the car leave but immediately headed for the building. With the adrenaline finally fading some the ache of his body became apparent again and he walked gingerly as his head began to pound once more. By the time he had entered the building and reached the elevator inside, the dull ache in his head was waging a full-scale war against the sharp sting of his torn flesh. Nathaniel propped himself against the wall and pressed the button for Wymack’s floor, closing his eyes as the elevator began its slow ascendance. He knew he should try and come up with some excuse in the precious moments he had before he saw Wymack but he couldn’t bring himself to think of anything. Lola’s visit and Andrew’s interrogation the night before had left him drained and it took everything he had to keep himself awake and standing. The door of the elevator slid open and Nathaniel could hardly bring himself to move away from the wall and into the bright hallway.

He moved to Wymack’s door on autopilot, shuffling his feet sluggishly as he concentrated on not puking all over the thin carpet of the hallway. He reached the threshold of the apartment after a few minutes and managed enough strength to knock loudly at the door. Wymack must have been waiting because it was less than a minute later when the door swung angrily open.

“Andrew Joseph fucking Minyard you have thirty seconds to explain your psycho ass before I send you back to the goddamn –“ Wymack stopped himself mid rant when he realized which one of his teammates was at the door. Nathaniel allowed himself a small smile at Wymack’s shocked expression. Everything was so much more amusing when he knew he wasn’t going to die yet.

It didn’t take long before Wymack got control of himself. “Jesus fucking Christ Nathaniel. Andrew and the others arrived over an hour ago; where the hell have you been?” Nathaniel was mildly surprised at that – that meant he had been with Lola for at least two hours. It had felt so much shorter. “Is that blood? For fuck’s sake, if Andrew did that I swear –“Wymack moved aside and Nathaniel slid inside, letting Wymack’s ranting words soothe his raw nerves. He hadn’t realized the coach’s blustering had become so comforting to him – he supposed it was because his anger was so different from his father’s and the Master’s. It was hard to be afraid of a man who didn’t mean any of his threats.

“Wasn’t Andrew.” Nathaniel mumbled as he sat himself on the couch. As much fun as it would be to see the psychotic midget get railed on, it would be pointless. Nathaniel had to resolve his problems with Andrew himself, having the coach yell at him would do nothing to help him. Wymack followed him to the couch and sat beside him, careful enough to leave plenty of space between Nathaniel and him. “If not that little psychopath, who?” Wymack’s voice was forced calm now, only a hint of concern coloring his tone. Nathaniel must look even worse up close if Wymack was more worried than angry. It took a long moment for the question to process in Nathaniel’s pounding head.

“Family visit.” Nathaniel would’ve said more, would’ve tried for some half-hearted excuse but all of a sudden the world lurched sickeningly. He hazily registered a colorful curse from Wymack as he pitched forward towards him.

Then there was only blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait! Classes got a little busy, so I didn't have time to update last week. Hopefully, this chapter makes up for it. I'm on break next week so hopefully I'll be able to update the next chapter on time. Thank you for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

The first thought that came to Nathaniel was that he had to stop waking in random places. The disorienting feeling that came with an unknown room was becoming as familiar as it was unwelcome. For a moment, he expected Jean’s quiet presence but instead found himself alone in a cluttered room, covered with a thin blanket. It took only a second before the memories came – waking up in the cousins’ house, meeting Lola, collapsing on Wymack’s couch. It had been a stressful day - even he could admit that - and he wanted nothing more but to collapse back onto the bed and sleep until the morning. Loud voices were creeping in through the doorway, however, and Nathaniel knew he would never be able to fall back asleep.

He sat up slowly, wincing as his side erupted in a blazing heat. It was a familiar pain and Nathaniel wasn’t surprised to see bandages plastered against his hip as he let the blanket fall from his chest. Wymack must have tried to stop the bleeding as well as he could but a deep red had already begun staining the white gauze and Nathaniel knew he would have to stop by Abby’s office for stitches before he returned to the dorm. He let the thought of that unpleasant encounter slip from his mind in favor of taking stock of his other injuries.

The laceration on his hip was easily the worst of it but his neck and collar were both stinging from shallow cuts as he shifted and he could feel the soft weight of bandages packed onto them as well. At least the ache in his head was gone, although Nathaniel didn’t think sleeping that much on a concussion was doing him any favors. Gingerly, he set his feet on the ground and slowly stood up, testing himself carefully. His legs were sturdy and Nathaniel was pleased that his nausea had faded– the movement had not caused him to vomit profusely and that was always a cause for celebration. He allowed himself a moment to enjoy the crisp coolness of the air conditioned room on his bare chest – Wymack had evidently not bothered putting his t-shirt back on after dressing his wounds – before he slowly shuffled to the door, one hand awkwardly outstretched to the wall in case he lost his balance.

Nathaniel made it to the door without falling and he opened it just enough to hear the voices more clearly. He wasn’t surprised to recognize Wymack’s strident tone or Andrew’s acerbic responses. Wymack had been expecting the short blonde when Nathaniel had shown up and Andrew had probably come the moment he found out where Nathaniel was holed up. They had a conversation to finish up after all.

He gave himself a few more moments of relative peace before he turned back from the door. He swung the door open and slowly slinked into the hallway. Wymack’s apartment was not large by any means and it was only a few short steps until he was in the living room. Andrew saw him first – he was facing the hallway, a small grin pulling at his lips as he caught sight of Nathaniel. He was drugged then; that would make this easier. Nathaniel didn’t know how well he could have handled the cold man from yesterday – he was glad to have a familiar monster in front of him.

It didn’t take long for Wymack to realize Andrew wasn’t paying attention and his angry diatribe faltered as he turned to catch sight of Andrew. The glare he leveled at him told Nathaniel he wasn’t too happy to see him. “The hell do you think you’re doing? I got enough damn blood on my carpet from you. You get your stupid ass back in that room and wait until Abby gets here to sew that damn hole in your side up.” So Wymack had called the nurse – that made things easier then.

Nathaniel ignored his coach’s demand and took another step into the room, eyes locked onto Andrew’s amused, slightly curious expression. His eyes traced down Nathaniel’s bare chest, drinking in the pink lines and puckered flesh that ran across his torso. They lingered a moment on the fresh bandages circling his hip before shooting back up to Nathaniel’s face. Nathaniel merely stared back, a carefully indifferent expression on his face. Andrew had already seen his marred wrists, had already taken that tiny piece of privacy away; it didn’t matter if he took this one too.

“Some scars, little Bird.” Andrew drawled, a deceivingly playful spark in his eye. Wymack growled a warning at him, but neither boy paid attention. “Some new ouches too. I didn’t give those to you.”

“A gift from my family. My father’s friend was kind enough to give me a ride back,” Nathaniel kept his voice deceptively light, almost bored as he answered Andrew’s unstated question. He had practice with this before, whenever Riko had gone too far and a doctor was asking too many questions. Nathaniel had perfected the technique of answering without giving anything away.

“How interesting that they knew where you were,” Nathaniel could hear the veiled accusation in Andrew’s tone and nearly laughed. The man was so paranoid for his precious Kevin that he thought Nathaniel had willingly put himself in Lola’s vicious hands. It would have been humorous, had Nathaniel not known that Andrew was just as dangerous as his father’s sadistic assistant. He needed to reassure Andrew, needed to give him some shred of truth that would keep the man from barking at his heels.

Nathaniel broke Andrew’s gaze to turn back to Wymack. With the exception of the slight outburst when Andrew mentioned his scars, the coach had stood silent, giving the boys a bit of privacy. Nathaniel appreciated that bit but he needed more – he wasn’t about to give anyone else the information he was about to share with Andrew. Wymack understood what Nathaniel wanted and he silently shook his head – he wasn’t stupid enough to think this encounter wouldn’t end badly and he wasn’t willing to risk anymore bloodshed. Had it been even a day before, Nathaniel wouldn’t have pushed, too frightened of any man Wymack’s age to risk the pain. Now though, something had changed. Nathaniel knew Wymack would not touch him the way the Master had or his father before that and he was no longer afraid to demand a little.

“I need to talk to Andrew alone.” Nathaniel kept his gaze solidly on Wymack as he spoke but that didn’t stop him from noticing Andrew’s shifting step from the corner of his eye. The blonde was growing impatient.

“No way in hell. You both got something to say, so say it with me here. I leave this room and one of you will wind up dead.” Wymack’s pitying glance at Nathaniel’s hip left little doubt on whose blood he thought would be staining his carpet.

“It’s a private conversation.” Nathaniel pressed stubbornly. He couldn’t and wouldn’t have this conversation with anyone else in the room.

Andrew must have finally lost his thin patience because he was suddenly standing firmly between Wymack and Nathaniel. “Come on coach, I won’t kill your precious little striker. I didn’t leave any of these on him while he was out with me. He’ll still be in the same amount of pieces when we’re done.” Andrew grinned up at his coach, the expression not at all softening Wymack’s stance.

Nathaniel weighed his options – he had no other way of speaking privately to Andrew and he valued his safety more than his pride. “Just ten minutes, Coach. Please.” He kept his tone quiet and just a tad bit pleading. He hated that voice but he thought it would work – it was a tone that had pleased Riko and sometimes made his punishments lighter. It was one he had never used aside from in the Nest and he was surprised at the reactions he got. In front of him, Andrew stilled as much as his drugs allowed and Wymack’s angry expression softened into complete surprise. Evidently neither man had expected such a soft tone and Nathaniel found himself regretting it some – they would think even less of him now.

It was a tense, still silence for a moment before Wymack spoke, “You’ve got five. Keep your hands to yourself, Minyard.” He left the room without another word, heading down the hallway. Nathaniel waited until he heard the slam of the office doorway before he turned his full attention back to Andrew. The blonde hadn’t moved while Wymack spoke but now he allowed himself to turn, facing Nathaniel fully once more. His lips were pulled into a large smile but his eyes were cold. Nathaniel didn’t quite know why, but it was obvious his words had struck a chord in the blonde. He shifted slightly away from the man before speaking.

“I need you to back off. What’ll take?” Nathaniel didn’t bother beating around the bush. He knew Wymack would be counting down the seconds before he returned and he wanted this conversation over with before the man came back.

Evidently Andrew felt the same. “The truth, little Bird. Why are you here?” Andrew was grinning still, but the warning was clear – there would be hell to pay if Nathaniel didn’t tread carefully.

He still couldn’t help himself from responding contemptuously, “To play Exy. Is that really what you drugged me to find out?”

“I said the truth, little Bird,” Andrew tutted disappointedly. His hand shot up to rest against Nathaniel’s neck, his thumb brushing a soft warning against his bandages. His promise to Wymack meant very little – he would gladly make Nathaniel bleed if he didn’t tread carefully. After two hours with Lola, however, Nathaniel was tired of playing along with sadistic little games.

“Going to have to be more specific, Andrew.” Pale fingers dug into his neck at that. Andrew’s grin widened.

“Riko beat you and left you bloody on Wymack’s doorway, just months after Kevin announced he’d be playing. You decided to stay instead of going back to your master like the coward we both know you are. You’ve made a habit of getting into strange cars and disappearing,” Andrew must have questioned the convenience store clerk to have that information. Nathaniel nearly felt bad for the poor kid, Andrew must have terrified him. “And then you come back bloody all over again with little answers. You have more rage at Kevin than body weight and plenty of reason to want revenge. So you have one more chance to satisfy my question and prove you aren’t a threat before I carve you up and send your bloody pieces back to Evermore. Why are you here?”

Nathaniel glared at the still grinning boy, even as the blood fled from his face. The threat of being carved into pieces hit far closer to home than any other had. The vivid memory of his mother’s pale, torn flesh briefly eclipsed his thoughts before he pushed it away. “I have nowhere else to go.” The words tasted sour in his mouth but he pushed his disgust away. Andrew wanted truth and it was in his best interest to give him the closest equivalent that he could. Even if he hated himself for it.

"My mother’s dead. The only family I have left work for the Moriyamas. My father punished me because I’ve angered his boss. He needed to show faith to the Moriyamas, but he’s made his point now, he won’t be returning. ” It was a dangerous to reveal that his father worked for the Moriyamas but he had to explain away his disappearance. He would have to trust that Andrew knew to be discreet. And that he had convincingly lied away the reason for the visit. “The only thing I know is Exy and the only team foolish enough to risk me is the Foxes. If I’m not playing, I might as well be dead and if I’m dead Riko wins. I don’t want him to win.” Nathaniel hadn’t meant to say that. It was a lie a little bit too close to the truth.

 Andrew was looking at him calculatedly, his smile just a small twist of his lips. He wasn’t completely convinced, but he was getting closer. “Why do you hate Kevin?” It was the question he most needed to know. It was also the question Nathaniel least wanted to answer. Andrew’s hand tightened as he waited just a second too long before responding.

“I don’t hate him.” He said finally, settling on the truth. Andrew’s grin grew, a mocking indication at how little he was believed. Nathaniel hastened to continue. “I resent him. He – he got away when no one else could. He found a place where he belonged, when no one thought it was possible. He’s not alone and I –“Nathaniel shut himself down, emotions whirling just a bit too much. He couldn’t finish the statement; he didn’t know how to articulate the depth of loneliness he felt, the betrayal he felt. Kevin had been his refuge and then he was gone and Nathaniel had no one. Even Jean was but a poor imitation of the only true friend he had had. It wasn’t fair that Kevin had people now, when Nathaniel was still so profoundly alone.

Andrew’s expression was dark, nearly blank. It reminded Nathaniel of last night – that cold blankness that had sent Nathaniel on edge so completely. It only lasted a moment though – within half a minute Andrew was laughing loudly as he pulled his hand away from Nathaniel’s throat. It was a startling sound.

“Oh Nathaniel. Has anyone told you truth is ugly on you?” Andrew was back to his normal drug induced mania but there was a familiar glint in his eye. The darkness had lasted only a moment but Nathaniel still recognized it – he saw it after all, every morning in the mirror. When he stripped the game away from himself, when he allowed himself a moment to put the racquet down and stepped away from the court, when he was just Nathaniel, that darkness was what he saw. Andrew’s expression had frightened him not because it was threatening, but because it was understanding. Andrew knew, at least a little bit, what it meant to be Nathaniel. It was a terrifying realization.

“I’ll keep that in mind for when we decide to play truth again.” Nathaniel responded, his voice only slightly bitter. Andrew was letting him stay and there was relief in that fact, even amongst the fear. The blonde in front of him grinned more widely.

“Let’s not play again, yes? Oh looks like our time is up. Hello Coach!” Andrew waved widely at someone behind Nathaniel and he turned to see that Wymack was indeed standing in the hallway, watching with an indiscernible expression. Nathaniel didn’t know how long he had been outside of his office or if he had heard anything. He decided to hope he hadn’t and let it be. “He’s in one piece, see? Didn’t hurt him at all! Well, at least not physically.” Andrew’s cheerful voice continued, grating against Nathaniel’s frayed nerves.

“I see that,” Wymack stated dryly, although he was thorough in his glance of Nathaniel’s body, checking for any scratches or bruises that belied Andrew’s assurances. He nodded after a moment. “Now get the hell out of my house, Minyard. Abby’s going to be here any minute and I’m not going to have your psycho ass messing around with her medical equipment while she stitches Nathaniel up.”

“I’m going, I’m going! See you around little Bird,” Nathaniel turned to see Andrew before he left. The man was smiling at him widely but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. For a moment, Nathaniel could see beyond Andrew’s mania to the icy depths beyond the pills. There was still understanding there – an awful kinship forged in darkness. It was terrifying and relieving all at once. Andrew had backed down but he hadn’t backed away – he took a bit of Nathaniel’s truth without flinching. Nathaniel was not stupid enough to think Andrew had accepted him because of this, but it was assurance that he would be able to stay.

Without thinking about it, Nathaniel raised two fingers up to his forehead. It was a mocking salute, a familiar gesture he knew Andrew would recognize. Andrew laughed when he saw it. The lofty sound lingered even as he turned and disappeared out the front door. It lingered in the air even as the door clinked shut and Wymack began to bossily shuffle him back into the bedroom and on the bed.

It lingered in Nathaniel’s mind even as he closed his eyes, content to sleep in surprising peace before Abby arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait! Hopefully this chapter makes it worth it! Thank you for reading, and I will try to update again as soon as possible.


	26. Chapter 26

Nathaniel was panting slightly as he dragged himself out of the stairwell, hands held above his head to ease the pain in his side. It had been a week since he had seen Lola and the stitched cut in his side was healing slowly. He knew Wymack would have been furious to know he had been out running – the man had expressively forbidden any strenuous activity until Abby gave the clear – but Nathaniel didn’t particularly care. He had woken restless, surrounded by the quiet noises of his sleeping roommates and his own thoughts. He had needed an escape – it was running or the sharp blade he kept hidden in the bathroom. He was sure Wymack would approve of his choice.

Nathaniel managed to catch his breath before he got into his dorm room. He was surprised to see Matt’s bulky form meandering in the kitchen. There was a good hour until they had to leave for the stadium and the tall backliner was skilled in getting up at the absolute last minute. Nathaniel hesitated at the doorway – he was used to the mornings belonging to him. He coveted the rare silence. He wasn’t yet prepared to deal with Matt’s overfriendly demeanor.

“Hey, welcome back.” Matt called out from the kitchen, obviously unaware of Nathaniel’s unease. He was still standing in the entrance when the tall man turned into the living area, steaming cup in his hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Coach you’ve been off running. There’s coffee if you want some.” Matt put his cup down on his desk and stretched his arms back, completely unconcerned with his intrusion into Nathaniel’s routine. Nathaniel stood still a second more, waiting. When Matt seemed content to leave him alone, he made his way into the kitchen. He bypassed the coffee in favor of his water bottle that he had left in the fridge. He drank half of it in several slow, large gulps, eyes trained warily on the living room.

Matt and the other upperclassmen had been more talkative than ever this week, crowding around him and talking about the most banal topics Nathaniel could think of. They hadn’t given him a free moment alone – Matt always corralled him into his truck before practice, Renee always invited him to share lunch with them after practice and Dan always steered him into the girls’ room when they returned. Nathaniel knew that it was because of Columbia – Wymack had been willing enough to believe his injuries hadn’t come from the cousins but the rest of the team was less sure. There had been too much bad blood on the subject already. Nathaniel almost didn’t mind their incessant company, since it meant there was no way for Andrew to corner him. Not that the blonde had cared to try anything – the most interaction Nathaniel had gotten with him had been sharp grins from across the hallway or through the plexiglass walls of the court.

Still, Nathaniel had been on edge around the team all week and the upperclassmen’s never-ending attention had begun to fray his nerves. Therefore, he was surprisingly pleased at the space Matt was giving him. He finished his water in peaceful silence and then leaned against the small counter that made up half of the tiny kitchen. He stayed there, relaxing his tightly wounded muscles, until he heard Seth’s alarm and the impressive string of profanities that followed. Nathaniel liked to avoid the angry boy as much as possible and made his way to the bedroom once Seth had locked his grumbling behind the bathroom door.

Nathaniel made quick work of gathering his things for the bathroom and was out of the room just as Seth returned. He ignored the glowering scowl Seth shot at him with practiced ease and locked himself in the bathroom. Seth and Matt never bothered showering before morning practice which meant Nathaniel had the bathroom to himself. He quickly turned the water on, twisting the tap to the hottest setting. He pulled his clothes off next, throwing the sweaty clothes in the furthest corner of the bathroom. Then he set to slowly removing the bandages on his hip and inspecting the cut. Abby had made neat work with her sutures and the skin was healing tidily around them. Nathaniel ran a gentle finger around the edge, wincing slightly at the heat of the skin. None had broken from the run.

Satisfied that he hadn’t given Abby a reason to lecture him, he slid into the shower. The water was scalding, turning his pale flesh a soft pink wherever it hit. It was a trick he had learned from the Ravens – the heat of the water would keep his muscles relaxed while simultaneously ensuring he couldn’t bear to stay in too long. The Master had hated tardiness and Nathaniel had learned many ways to keep himself in check. He washed quickly, hissing inaudibly as he ran a washcloth gently across his side. He turned the water off once the last of the soap had disappeared off of him and allowed himself a quiet moment in the shower, relishing the cool air against his reddened skin. It was a small luxury he would’ve never given himself at the Nest. It almost felt peaceful.

He stepped out of the shower after his moment and grabbed the soft grey towel he had brought with him. He dried himself quickly, paying close attention only to drying his hip, and slid into his t-shirt and jeans. He left his towel over the shower’s curtain rod to dry and gathered his dirty clothing. He unlocked the door and slid back out quietly. There was conversation in the living room now but Nathaniel paid it no mind – most likely Seth had started an argument with Matt over something stupid. He threw his dirty clothes into the plastic hamper Allison had insisted he needed and grabbed his shoes and bag from beside his bed. Wymack wouldn’t let him practice and had him taking notes on old championship games. Nathaniel had been tempted to tell him there was no point – the Foxes weren’t nearly good enough for the research to matter – but had ultimately decided not to push it. He was sure now that Wymack wouldn’t beat him half-blind but he also didn’t doubt that the man would postpone his return to the court out of sheer spite. Nathaniel knew what punishment was worse – he would much rather be in pain on the court than in pain off of it.

The voices hadn’t gotten any louder – a surprise considering that Seth was normally shouting ten minutes into any conversation. He did it even when he wasn’t actually fighting anyone which baffled Nathaniel immensely. He didn’t understand how someone could be so loud for the sake of hearing their own voice. He had delayed himself long enough though – any more time in the room and he would make them late to practice. He stepped out of their bedroom and back into the living room, expecting to see both his roommates lounging on the couch, bickering animatedly as they did most mornings. He was surprised to see that Seth was nowhere to be found – instead the second voice belonged to Renee, who was standing in the middle of the living room. She smiled gently at Nathaniel’s appearance.

As usual, the conversation faded away once Nathaniel made himself known. The upperclassmen often did that and Nathaniel had become an expert in pretending that it didn’t bother him. Any curiosity would only land him in trouble anyway. “Where’s Seth?” He asked instead, easily ignoring the near guilty look Matt sent him. The poor man was useless at hiding things and he often acted the guiltiest when Nathaniel caught them talking about him.

“He went ahead with Allison and Dan in Allison’s Porsche.” Renee told him, cheerful smile still fixed into place. She was never startled by Nathaniel’s appearances. Nathaniel frowned. Seth and Dan both normally went in the truck, especially on the days that Allison and him were on the outs. Nathaniel hadn’t thought they had time to make up after their fight at dinner. More than that though, this was a break in routine. Nathaniel had only found himself in trouble with breaks in routine.

“Why?” he asked, voice carefully neutral. He set his shoes down and toed his feet into them, ignoring the tensed feeling of his back.

“Matt didn’t tell you?” Renee asked, a hint of surprise in her tone. Nathaniel looked up just in time to see her shoot a small frown at the taller boy. Matt flushed softly in embarrassment and ran his hand through his spiked hair sheepishly.

“Slipped my mind. Sorry Nathaniel, I meant to give you more notice. Wymack set aside today for meetings with Betsy, he told us yesterday when you were with Abby. I was supposed to tell you when we got back, but then Allison and Seth got into that huge fight and I forgot.” Nathaniel stared at Matt blankly. The name sounded familiar to him but he couldn’t quite remember from where.

“Betsy’s the psychologist who’s in charge of all the Foxes. We have to meet with her once a semester; Wymack must have mentioned it before?” Matt explained, catching on to Nathaniel’s confusion easily. Nathaniel inwardly cursed. He remembered the name now – that was the woman Andrew saw once a week on Wednesdays. From the bits and pieces he’d heard of their interactions, she got along well with the short blonde. Nathaniel would have wanted nothing to do with a shrink regardless, but the fact that Andrew liked her spelled nothing but trouble. He wondered if faking pain in his side would allow him to stay in the dorm instead of meeting with her. Or better yet, he could nick open one or two of his stitches and get sent to Abby’s. Before he could decide on either plan, Matt spoke up again.

“Renee and you are going first, so she’s going to drop me off at the stadium and drive you down to the Counseling Center.” Nathaniel tensed slightly at that. Renee had the uncanny ability to seem to see through much of him. She was the person he least wanted to be alone with, the Monsters excluded. But he was cornered; he would have to go if he wanted to play and he couldn’t get out of it when Renee would be able to tell he was faking. He steeled himself and gave a brief nod.

“Right, sounds good.” He pulled the strap of his bag up and ignored the gentle smile Renee sent him. Of course she could sense his discomfort. Matt seemed not to notice because he shot them both a wide grin and disappeared into their room to grab his own bag. He was back before Renee could try to strike a conversation with Nathaniel and they made their way out of the dorm in silence. Nathaniel followed them down the hall but broke away as the two headed towards the elevator. Renee gave him a little wave as Nathaniel disappeared into the stairwell.

He savored being alone as he made his careful way down the stairs, ignoring the slight jarring pain in his side as he stepped down. The upperclassmen respected Nathaniel’s supposed claustrophobia and never tried to follow him into the stairway or force him into the elevator. It was another little reprieve he had found at Palmetto – the Ravens would have scorned any such weakness but the Foxes took it all in stride. It was a strange but comfortable fact. Nathaniel forced himself to keep thinking about the positive things about Palmetto as he entered the lobby. It made the desire to run out on his impending meeting with Betsy a little bit easier to ignore.

He met up with Renee and Matt in the parking lot. Matt had already taken a seat in the back of his truck, grinning at Nathaniel’s approach. Renee was standing beside him but she turned and slid into the driver’s seat at Nathaniel’s appearance. Nathaniel bit back his unease and made his way to the front of the truck. He was used to sitting in the bed of the truck with plenty of space between him and the rest of the upperclassmen. There was no place to hide away in the small cab of the truck. Nathaniel didn’t think Renee would reach out to him but he still slid the furthest away from her that he could without barring the door and shoved his bag between him and the console between their seats.

Renee pretended not to notice his discomfort and started up the car. Nathaniel allowed himself a brief moment to close his eyes as the engine roared to life before he forced them open once more. The last time he had been inside a car had been with Lola and the time before that he had been forced between the twins on the hellish Columbia visit. He had taken to avoiding cars this past week, even going so far as to sneak out of Wymack’s apartment before the older man could force him into his own car. The open air had been well worth the rant he had been given.

He kept his breathing even by sheer force as Renee turned out of the parking lot and onto the road. Renee wasn’t about to pull a knife on him and there was no room for anyone to be hiding behind him. He glanced cautiously at the rearview mirror anyway, fingers tensing as he caught side of movement. It was just Matt adjusting himself in the back. Nothing and no one to be afraid of. He shifted his eyes back to the road and focused on his breathing once more. Renee drove smoothly and carefully, a stark contrast to what Nathaniel remembered of Nicky’s erratic driving, and Nathaniel slowly became accustomed to the gentle rumble of the truck. It was much quieter inside than it was in the bed and Renee hadn’t bothered to turn on the radio for the short distance. Nathaniel found comfort in that and by the time they had stopped, he was almost calm.

Matt jumped out of the truck quickly and gave them a wave as he jogged into the stadium. Nathaniel watched him go with barely concealed envy. The tall backliner would be allowed to practice while he was subjugated to some ridiculous and pointless meeting.

“I take it you’ve never been to a psychologist?” Renee’s soft voice finally broke the silence as she pulled away from the stadium. Nathaniel tensed slightly but forced himself to look at her. Renee was concentrating on the road but she had a would-be-reassuring smile ghosting across her lips. “You’re all tensed up, I assumed you were nervous. You don’t have to answer, of course.” She added gently, speaking in her usual warm tone. That was the problem with her. She appeared gentle and kind, never pushing and always aware on when to back off. She was chalk full of Christian morality and warm, soft smiles. Yet she was inconceivably close to Andrew, a man of sharp edges and dubious morality. Nathaniel didn’t know what to make of her even now and although he no longer hated her the way he had at first, he was very far from liking her.

“There’s no point.” He answered her when the silence became too loud for even him. Renee’s face contorted into confusion.

“Because you don’t believe they could help you or because someone has told you that?” Nathaniel glared out the window, fingernails digging sharply into his thigh. He shouldn’t respond to her, but maybe if he convinced her that this was useless, she wouldn’t make him go.

“Because I know it’s pointless. Any problem I have won’t be solved by some random person with a notepad and some fancy piece of people that gives them permission to pry into other people’s lives. It’s foolish to think a complete stranger could understand another just because they talk to them for a few minutes every once in a while.” Renee parked the truck in the tiny lot beside the Counseling Center before she turned towards Nathaniel. She was no longer smiling and Nathaniel found himself tensing despite himself. Her face was too still, a startlingly familiar look. It was one she had given him on his first day, when she alone saw his discomfort. He hated that look. Nathaniel wanted to turn away, to open the door and step out of the too small cab. But to leave would be to lose and Nathaniel didn’t want to back down. He stared back resolutely, fingers digging back into his thigh again. The movement briefly caught Renee’s eye and her expression darkened momentarily. Nathaniel didn’t understand why, but it was enough for her to break the silence.

“I understand that you are uncomfortable about your past and that talking to a complete stranger is daunting. You don’t need to say anything to her that you are not okay with, Nathaniel. And she won’t try and make you. You just need to go in there and meet her, okay?” Her voice was gentle but firm. Her gaze was intense. Nathaniel nodded once, willing to do anything to make her look away. Her gaze softened after a moment and she smiled again. “You’ll be alright.” With that last statement, she turned away at last and opened her door to step out. After a moment, Nathaniel scrambled to do the same.

The fresh air was a balm after the stifling car. Nathaniel took a moment to allow his body a moment to uncoil. Renee seemed in no hurry to make her way into the building so Nathaniel did the same. He was still slightly nervous and more than slightly skeptical about this meeting. He knew he was right, but he couldn’t deny that Renee, odd and disconcerting as ever, had managed to calm him some. He didn’t know why, but he believed her when she said Betsy wouldn’t pry. Maybe it was because Andrew kept visiting her. He doubted the blonde would deal with anyone who pried for long, even if the court mandated it.

Nathaniel didn’t know why Andrew’s approval of Betsy was a deciding factor for him, but it was. If Andrew could handle her prying presence, Nathaniel would too. The thought made his breathing come more easily. He would get this over with and get back in time to research another game. It wouldn’t be that bad. He wouldn’t let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I had wanted to post this chapter last Monday, but the week went pretty hectic. Hopefully you enjoyed the calmness of this chapter and how Nathaniel is (kind of) adjusting to the Foxes. I've already started the next chapter and hopefully it will be up sooner than this one was. Thank you for reading!


	27. Chapter 27

Renee had given him a few minutes to collect himself before she began walking towards the Counseling Center. Nathaniel breathed in once more and followed her into the building silently. The interior room was done up in a soft, muted cream and the furniture was set in orderly rows of chairs and end tables. The only sound was the clicking keys of the receptionist’s computer. She looked up at their entrance and smiled genially. Nathaniel knew Renee was returning the smile and tried to school his expression into one that was at least polite.

“Foxes reporting in for Ms. Dobson?” She asked them kindly. Nathaniel nodded alongside Renee and the woman smiled once more before turning back to her computer and typing something in once more. “She’ll be out in a moment. If it’s your first time, please fill out this paperwork.” She slid two clipboards out from the glass panel in front of her. Renee denied one politely but handed the other to Nathaniel. He took it from her gingerly and mumbled a small thanks when she pushed a pen into his hand.

Nathaniel followed Renee to a seat, feeling incredibly awkward. He had never been in an office like this, not since he was very little and with his mother. It was a strange feeling. The room felt too orderly, too sterile. He tried to distract himself with the paperwork. The first few questions were easy enough and Nathaniel jotted down his full name, birth date and student ID methodically. He skipped over his email address – he knew the school had assigned him one when Wymack had pushed his application through but he didn’t remember it and he didn’t have a computer to check it anyway. He jotted down the Tower’s address for his physical one.

The next questions asked him about physical problems and he quickly skimmed them all before answering no on everything. He circled no on drinking and smoking as well before flipping the page. The next questions made him pause. He read them and then reread them again, more carefully. Then he looked up at Renee. She was texting quietly, most likely informing Wymack they had made it safely. Nathaniel reached out and tapped her arm. To her credit, Renee didn’t jump at the sudden touch but she looked up at him in surprise. It had been the first time he had willingly touched one of the Foxes outside of body checking on the court.

“What’s this about?” he whispered and shoved the clipboard into her hands. Renee blinked in surprise as she looked down at the questionnaire.

“It’s a few questions about your general well being and such. It’s designed to help the counselor get to know you a little better and gage your mental health, it’s fairly standard.” She answered back, keeping her voice equally low. Nathaniel glanced sideways at the receptionist. She was still tapping away at her keyboard, oblivious to their conversation. He looked back at Renee.

“You told me they wouldn’t ask anything I was uncomfortable with.” Accusation colored his tone even as he fought to keep his face neutral. Renee took a minute to respond, rereading the questions in front of her. After she was done, she pushed the clipboard back into Nathaniel’s hands.

“They ask everyone the same things, Nathaniel. How you answer is up to you, but honesty is best. They design the questionnaires so they know the best ways to treat you.” Renee whispered back calmly. Nathaniel glared accusatively at her and looked back at the paper.

“How does my sleeping schedule help them?” He demanded a moment later, looking back up at her. Renee just smiled back serenely.

“A common indicator for depression or any disorders is abnormal sleep patterns. That’s also why they ask you about your eating habits as well.” She answered. Nathaniel stared at her for a moment.

“I’m not depressed.” He answered back finally. “Or crazy. Or anything else they might be looking for with these questions.” Renee frowned at him then.

“No one is saying you are. This is all standard. I assure you, every other Fox has been asked these once or twice before. You can skip any question that you feel is too personal. This is all about what you want to do here; if you don’t want to do much more than talk about your future classes or even Exy, Betsy will be just as happy as if you talked to her about more serious problems. I do suggest you answer some though – this session is designed for Betsy to give you the clear to play. She’s never failed anyone before, but it’s better to be safe.” Nathaniel huffed at her and looked back down at the papers. He knew he was being slightly childish – it wasn’t Renee’s fault that he was forced to answer the pointless, personal questions but she was also taking it way too evenly. No one should be so content to share personal information with a complete stranger. Especially one trained in interpreting what that information meant.

He reluctantly answered the sleeping and eating questions. He skipped the self-harm questions – Betsy would never understand and Nathaniel didn’t need her to be reading too far into his actions. He did the same for the questions about suicide. He paused at the next, a small frown ghosting his lips. It was the most useless question on the list; Nathaniel was tempted to skip it entirely and turn the paperwork in but he was also slightly curious. He couldn’t figure out why it mattered. After a moment, he decided to just ask and reached out to poke Renee again.

“Yes?” she whispered, voice as calm as ever. Nathaniel didn’t even bother to look up – her smile would just aggravate him.

“Why’s this here? It’s not about my mental health.” Nathaniel pointed to the last question and waited while she read it.

“Some people struggle with their sexuality and a lot come here to discuss it with a counselor. I know Nicky’s done that before – his parents are very religious and they don’t approve of his sexuality or his boyfriend. Knowing how you identify can be important for a counselor to help treat you. Of course, for most of us, it’s very easy to just say we’re straight and move on.” Nathaniel frowned, tapping the pencil. The Ravens had never cared who slept with who, as long as no relationships formed. He didn’t understand why anyone would care or why it would cause anyone stress.

“It’s a stupid question.” He told her. He wrote ‘none’ on the blank line and flipped the papers over. He knew Renee had seen what he had written but she didn’t ask him about it. She watched him for a moment as he went to return his clipboard but was back to texting quietly by the time he had sat back down. Nathaniel took the quiet as a chance to try and relax. Renee had done her best to reassure him but the questionnaire had cast a bit of doubt on her claims. If the counselor asked him to elaborate on even one of those questions, Nathaniel would leave. None of it was anyone’s business and his skin crawled slightly at the idea of strangers reading his answers. He would definitely not talk about any of them.

Minutes passed and Nathaniel fought not to tense up. He didn’t want to alert Renee to his growing unease - he couldn’t possibly stand anymore of her assurances. He took to glancing around the room, hoping to spot something that could distract him. There was nothing of note, so he trained his eyes on the hallway just past the receptionist’s desk. He watched quietly as one of the doors opened and a woman stepped out. She was a plump, petite woman – maybe an inch or so taller than him – and she was smiling warmly as she caught sight of the two foxes.

“Renee, how nice to see you again.” Beside him, Renee slid her phone back into her pocket before standing to greet the woman. They exchanged pleasantries while Nathaniel stayed sitting. Maybe Renee would go first and he could slip away during her half hour.

“And this is Nathaniel,” The use of his name brought his attention back to the two women. Renee and the woman – Ms. Dobson, Nathaniel now knew – were both looking at him now. Ms. Dobson was smiling warmly as she reached a hand out to him. It took Nathaniel just a second too long to grasp it but she didn’t seem to notice.

“It’s nice to meet you, Nathaniel.” Ms. Dobson was still smiling as Nathaniel quickly dropped her hand.

“You too.” He responded shortly, forcing himself not to tense. He didn’t bother trying to seem polite – this woman dealt with Foxes every semester and Andrew every week. She was undoubtedly used to ruder greetings.

“I thought it best if you went first, Nathaniel.” Renee spoke up when silence fell onto the small group. “That way you’ll be able to go straight back to practice after. Coach found a Trojan game he wants your input on.” Nathaniel idly wondered if Renee had expected him to want to run – it was hard to tell what she was planning behind her soft demeanor. He knew it would raise some red flags with Ms. Dobson if he refused so he reluctantly nodded his agreement. Ms. Dobson smiled at him once more before turning to head back into her office.

“Good luck.” Renee said as he passed her to follow the counselor. He bit back the rude comment poised on his tongue and silently trailed Ms. Dobson into her office. She held the door for him and he quietly moved past her into the tiny space. It was a well-lit room – warm sunlight poured in from spacious windows – and extraordinarily neat. Books lined Ms. Dobson’s bottom shelves in neat rows but what caught Nathaniel’s eyes nearly immediately were her top shelves. Tiny glass figurines stood in perfectly arranged lines, blank faces staring down at Nathaniel. The whole room was unnerving – it was too arranged, too artificial. Nathaniel felt a deep unease as he gingerly sat on the couch placed opposite Ms. Dobson’s desk. He flinched minutely when she snapped the door shut behind her and fought not to dig his nails into his hand as she placed herself across from him.

“There’s no reason to be nervous, Nathaniel.” She spoke gently as she slid a notepad towards her. “I’m only here to speak with you. Anything you say in this room is completely confidential, although I must warn you that all sessions are recorded.” Nathaniel tensed, his entire body going rigid. Renee hadn’t mentioned that. “No one else will ever see the recording, of course. It’s just procedure. Are you alright with that?” Ms. Dobson continued. Her tone was gentle but her eyes were trained on him sharply. Nathaniel knew she was trained in body language and tried very hard to relax. He wasn’t particularly successful.

“That’s fine.” He bit out finally. He wouldn’t be telling her anything important anyway. Ms. Dobson smiled happily at him.

“Wonderful. We can begin then. Now, my name is Betsy Dobson and I’m the counselor in charge of the Exy team. You may call me Betsy if you like, and Ms. Dobson if you prefer to keep things more professional. Do you mind if I continue calling you Nathaniel?” Betsy had found a pencil and held it poised over her notebook. Nathaniel found himself watching her hand rather than her face. He wondered what sort of things she would be writing down.

“That’s fine.” He responded finally. He watched as her hand dipped down and scrawled something onto the paper.

“Alright, then. I always like to begin by getting to know my patient, so why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself, Nathaniel?”

“What do you want to know?” He asked her, eyes still firmly trained on her hand. His fingers had clenched despite himself and he fought to relax them.

“Let’s start from the beginning.” She suggested. “Where did you grow up?” It was supposed to be a basic question, Nathaniel knew. He searched for an easy answer. She would probably know if he gave an outright lie, so he settled for a simple truth.

“I was born in Baltimore. I moved to West Virginia when I was twelve, to begin training with the Evermore Ravens.” Her pencil scratched across the paper as she wrote. Nathaniel folded his hand around his left wrist. His fingers slid under his thin sleeves and rubbed against the raised scabs there.

“You were quite young when you joined the Ravens. Was there any particular reason?” Betsy gently probed. Nathaniel could sense the curiosity in her tone. Wymack must have mentioned something about the Ravens to her – or Kevin perhaps although he would have thought the older boy had better sense than to tell a psychologist anything. The Moriyamas were not known to give mercy to any liability and it would be easy to make Betsy disappear if they thought she knew anything.

“My mother died and my father was too busy with work to watch over me. He trusted Coach Moriyama to take care of me. They were old friends.” It was a good enough answer – vague enough to not raise any alarms with his father or the Moriyamas but specific enough to satisfy the question. He had even remembered not to say ‘the Master’.

“I’m sorry to hear that your mother passed.” Nathaniel glanced up in surprise then. He hadn’t expected Betsy to comment on his mother. She was looking at him, her wide eyes filled with sympathy. It was a discomfiting and unfamiliar look – he had never received condolences about his mother and had never expected to. It was very strange to get them from this stranger.

“It’s fine. She was sick for a long time,” he lied quickly. Betsy hummed slightly and jotted down something more before she looked back up at him. “

Still, it must have been hard for you to lose her at such a young age. Did you and your father ever discuss it?” For a moment, his father was looming over him once more, hands stained red and dripping the still warm liquid onto him. Nathaniel fought the sudden memories away, barely registering as his nails dug into the still healing cuts on his wrist.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” He answered finally, fingers still clenching his wrist tightly. Betsy didn’t seem surprised and she nodded in response. She wrote down a few more notes and Nathaniel took a moment to calm himself down. He needed to be more careful around her – his response had been borderline angry and he couldn’t afford to show Betsy much emotion. He needed to be cleared to play.

“Of course, we’ll move on. You spent a long time at Evermore and you were slated to spend your college years there. What changed your mind?” Nathaniel mulled the question over, absently rubbing his fingers against his wrist. It was an easier question to think about but a harder one to answer. He had to lie very carefully.

“I wanted a change in pace.” He answered in a forcedly neutral tone. “The Ravens are a great team, the best in the league. I wanted a chance to build a great team rather than just be a part of one. The Foxes have great potential and I look forward to contributing to that.” He answered finally. Betsy hummed softly as she wrote down his response.

“It must have been hard to leave the Ravens though. You had lived with them for so long.” Nathaniel thought of Jean then – the way his dark hair would crowd over his face as he leaned over Nathaniel, the feel of his quick hands as they roughly pulled him back together, the low tone of his rushed French as he brought Nathaniel back from the brink of unconsciousness. He was the only Raven he cared for and thinking of leaving him behind felt like a hot coal pressed into his stomach.

“It wasn’t too bad. They understood where I was coming from and they respected my choice.” He lied, forcing the thoughts away. He wouldn’t discuss this with her.

“Is it easier with Kevin here? To have a familiar face?” Betsy probed once more as she wrote. Nathaniel nearly laughed but controlled it just barely.

“It’s pretty much the same either way. Me and Kevin were never all that close.” He answered. He discreetly looked above Betsy’s head as she wrote down his response. A small clock sat on her wall and he was slightly relieved to see they only had a few minutes left. He was nearly free.

“One last question before we part then,” Betsy said, smiling slightly as he returned his gaze to her. His checking of the time had not gone unnoticed but she didn’t look particularly offended. “How do you find your new team? I know some of the members can be a bit challenging and it’s always important to see how people are dealing with them.” Nathaniel was mildly impressed at how diplomatically Betsy described his teammates. He would have used more colorful language.

“They are all certifiable.” He answered, giving her a bit of honesty. “But nothing I can’t deal with.” He probably hadn’t given her the best answer but he had at least been truthful. Betsy had gotten very little honesty from him as it was.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she told him, still smiling genially. He wondered what other kinds of responses she had gotten in the past, for his answer to be a positive one. “Although I hope you learn to get along with your teammates and not just deal with them. This was a productive meeting, Nathaniel. I hope that we can continue another time. My door is always open for any Fox.” She was smiling as she stood up. Nathaniel stood up as well and gave her outstretched hand a quick shake. He knew he wouldn’t ever step back into her office if he didn’t have to but he feigned politeness anyway. He still needed Betsy to give her approval to Wymack.

“Bye.” He told her shortly before he stepped out of her office. She followed him out silently but he ignored that in favor of reaching the reception area. Renee was still sitting alone in the room and she looked up at their approach.

“I’m heading out.” He told her shortly. She nodded and offered him a smile he didn’t bother to return.

“I can give you the keys to Matt’s truck if you would like.” She responded amicably. Nathaniel shook his head; he would avoid cars and trucks as much as he could.

“I’m fine with walking.” Renee nodded again, unsurprised. She probably expected him to turn her down.

“Coach is waiting for you at the stadium.” She told him. She had spoken in her usual pleasant tone but Nathaniel caught her meaning well enough – Wymack was expecting him and he wouldn’t be able to slink away and hide out. Not that he was intending to anyway, but the Foxes had all been very careful to keep an eye on him after the Columbia incident and the warning wasn’t unexpected. He gave her a halfhearted goodbye and walked out of the building before she could return it.

Nathaniel took a deep breath once the fresh air hit him. His body loosened some, relaxing the muscles that had tensed despite his efforts. The meeting was over and he wouldn’t need to deal with Betsy for several months. He hadn’t given anything away and he could deal with the small wounds she had unknowingly picked at as well as anything else. It had gone as well as it possibly could have.

He allowed himself a moment of pure relief before he began walking to the stadium. The quiet solitude was a balm against his frayed nerves and he found himself nearly calm as he made his way through the campus. Soon, classes would begin and the season would come with it. Nathaniel would be forced to put his plan to work then but for now he could allow himself a moment of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter. I tried to give Nathaniel a moment of peace at the end before the Exy season starts and I hope you didn't mind that. Thank you for reading and I will try to update again as soon as possible.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is explicit mention of self-harm at the end of this chapter.

Nathaniel stayed perfectly still as Abby’s expert hands ran alongside his hip, forcing himself not to flinch as she pressed against the newly scarred flesh. It didn’t hurt anymore but the feel of her gentle fingertips against him still felt wrong even after two weeks of her care – he kept expecting them to dig in deeply or to pinch him sharply. He didn’t think he would ever get used to the gentle care she provided.

“It’s healed up nicely now. It wouldn’t have taken so long if you had cut back like I told you, but it’s done now.” Abby said, her hands disappearing off his skin to write on her clipboard. Nathaniel slid his shirt back down quickly – he never fully took it off anymore, careful to keep his wrists hidden from her. There weren’t too many fresh marks now, but it was best to keep her keen eyes away from them regardless.

“I told you, I’ve dealt with worse. And I needed the exercise.” Nathaniel responded in his usual way. Abby merely hummed at him; she would have lectured him had she not known that it would fall on deaf ears. “So am I cleared?” He asked, barely keeping the impatience out of his voice. Classes would begin tomorrow, which meant the Foxes first game was Friday. He didn’t know what he would do if he missed his first chance to play at the collegiate level.

“Yes. Against my better judgment, I will allow you to return to the court. Just try not to get any more mysterious injuries, okay? Stay away from rose bushes and sharp edges.” Nathaniel could hear the sarcasm in Abby’s voice but decided to ignore it in favor for the nearly overwhelming feeling of relief. The two weeks off the court had been nearly torturous and he was eager to return. He slipped out of Abby’s office while she was turned away, scribbling something on her desk. He wanted to leave before she changed her mind and benched him another week and he wasn’t too worried about seeming rude – this was the woman who dealt with the cousins’ first year and returned for the next.

Nathaniel made his way passed the couches and chairs in the Foxes’ press room and into the men’s locker room. It was blissfully empty – practice wouldn’t officially start for another hour – and he quickly made his way to his own locker. In seconds it was open and Nathaniel stripped down and slid into his protective gear and uniform. The clothing felt right, a second skin that Nathaniel always felt off without. He slid the neck guard around himself last, hardly even minding the uncomfortable, nearly choking tightness

. A door slammed open somewhere and Nathaniel barely stopped himself for jumping. Tensing was reflective but he immediately forced himself to relax when a voice floated in from the hallway. It was just Wymack coming in early and speaking on his phone. Nathaniel allowed himself to ignore the man’s voice and bent down to put on his shoes. By the time he had finished tying his laces, Wymack’s voice had ceased and when he stood up, the man was standing partly in the doorway. Nathaniel hadn’t heard the door open and he tensed in surprise despite himself.

“Wesninski? What the hell are you up to?” Wymack asked gruffly. He seemed every bit surprised to see Nathaniel here as Nathaniel was at his approach to the locker room.

Nathaniel bit back the urge to respond rudely – Wymack may not be willing to beat his own players as the Master had, but he was probably not above benching them indefinitely. Nathaniel knew which was worse. “Abby cleared me. I was hoping to get warmed up before practice started. Since I’ve been out, I’m probably a bit rusty.”

Wymack snorted at that. “Rusty people don’t run five miles every morning with a damn hole in their side, kid.” Nathaniel didn’t bother asking how the coach knew he ran – he had seen how close the coach and nurse were. “Before you go kill yourself on the court, come into my office. There are a couple things I want to talk to you about.” He turned around without waiting a response and disappeared down the small hallway. Nathaniel followed with only a moment’s hesitation. Nothing good had ever come from someone wanting to speak with him but even worse things had come from disobeying an order. His heart pounded slightly as he stepped out of the locker room but he followed Wymack’s retreating form obediently.

“Close the door,” Wymack told him as he sat down at his desk. Nathaniel tensed despite himself but closed the door anyway. He knew, logically, that the door was unlocked and that he could step out if he ever felt threatened but years of violence had engrained in him a strong distrust of closed doors. The room felt smaller now and Nathaniel forced his breath to remain normal as he took a seat in front of Wymack’s desk. The man seemed much too close and Nathaniel covertly leaned as far back as he could, hoping the movement wouldn’t anger the coach. Wymack merely huffed in annoyance and waited for Nathaniel to settle.

“You aren’t in trouble, Wesninski, so stop acting like I’m going to rip you a new one.” Wymack told him impatiently, a hint of anger in his tone. Nathaniel nodded obediently and placed his hands firmly in his lap, intertwining his fingers so that he wouldn’t fidget or grab onto his wrists. Wymack huffed again before grabbing a folder from a teeming stack on his desk. “First thing has to do with your visit with Betsy last week.” Wymack told him, flipping the folder open and scanning the pages.

Nathaniel forced his body to remain still. Betsy was constrained by law to keep what was said between them private. Moreover, he hadn’t thought he had said anything too incriminating. “What about it?” Nathaniel asked, fighting to keep his tone carefully neutral, “sir?” he tacked on, hoping he hadn’t sounded too rude. Wymack didn’t seem to care much for formality but it couldn’t hurt the situation.

“She can’t tell me what you talked about because of patient confidentiality or whatever, but she can tell me you made an impression with her. Betsy wants you to have meetings with her, once a week. She suggests that you go on Wednesdays, so that you and Andrew can carpool and so that I have my full line on most days.” Nathaniel fought the overwhelming panic that tried to erupt. He hadn’t fooled Betsy. He didn’t know what he had said or done to tip her off but she had caught something from him. The idea of spending an hour a week with her was terrifying.

Wymack was watching him closely now, waiting for his reaction. Nathaniel shoved his sudden panic down and answered with his voice carefully blank, “What you do think?” He knew Wymack could easily force him into the meetings, if he thought Nathaniel needed them. Nathaniel needed to show him that he was fine.

“I’m not going to force you to do jack-shit off the court. Andrew goes because his parole agreement says he has to, not because I tell him to. Until you do something stupid enough to land yourself in jail or are dumb enough to hurt yourself, I’m not going to make you talk to her. However, I know you’ve got your issues – don’t even waste your breath denying it when you can’t stand to be in the same room as me without thinking I’ll beat you black and blue - and Betsy thinks she can help you with it. It’s up to you.” Wymack was still looking at him closely, gaze sharp. Nathaniel had the uncomfortable feeling that the coach was testing him although he didn’t have a clue what his answer should be. He knew what it was going to be though.

“I won’t meet with her except when I have to.” Nathaniel spoke with a sense of finality. He tried to gauge Wymack’s reaction but the man just nodded as if the response came as no surprise.

“I told Betsy as much. She’s a bit too optimistic when it comes to you kids.” Nathaniel thought that was ironic, seeing as the man had staked his entire career on helping broken children, but held his tongue. Wymack wasn’t going to make him see Betsy and that was enough for him to feel an incredible wave of gratefulness to the man. He wasn’t going to ruin that by running his mouth.

“What I really wanted to talk to you about was a phone call I got last week from Kathy Ferdinand. I assume you know who that is?” Nathaniel’s fingers tightened their grip on each other - the only response he allowed – and he nodded. Nathaniel had heard nothing back from the woman since he had called weeks ago and set his father’s plans into motion. “Well, she’s somehow learned about your switch from the Ravens despite everything we’ve done to keep you under the table –“ Nathaniel could hear the annoyance in Wymack’s tone and fought his unease. Wymack had gone to great lengths to conceal the newest Fox – even going so far as to refuse to name him in front of the school and the ERC. There was no telling what the man would do if he knew it was Nathaniel that had given her the information; he hoped that the woman was smart enough to keep her sources anonymous.

“I haven’t a clue how she knows that, unless the Ravens opened their mouths. But that’s not important now. What’s important is that she knows and she’s apparently over the moon with not one Raven defection, but two and she’s dying to get her hands on the story first. She asked if you and Kevin could join her on her show this Saturday. Kevin - attention whore that he is – agreed to it for himself and for you. He told me you would understand and agree to it. I find that hard to believe, seeing as you seem to hate crowds and talking in front of people unless you’re pissing people off,” Nathaniel had been careful to keep quiet around the coach and his teammates, eager to keep up a careful façade after his first and very public blowout with Andrew and Kevin. He hadn’t realized he had come off as so antisocial though; none of the upperclassmen made it seem that way, with the exception of Seth. But Seth was an asshole.

“I’ll do it,” Nathaniel told Wymack, cutting the man off before he could continue. Wymack raised a skeptical eyebrow at him and seemed about to say something. Nathaniel hurried to cut him off, afraid Wymack would refuse to allow him to go on. Nathaniel’s plan hinged on him appearing on Kathy Ferdinand’s show and he wasn’t going to let Wymack mess the plan up out of some misguided idea of help. “Kevin’s right,” Nathaniel said, the words burning his throat as he spoke them. Hopefully, Kevin would never hear him saying that. “If I don’t go on with him and explain why I signed with the Foxes, it’ll give Coach Moriyama and Riko free-reign to say whatever they want about why I didn’t make it as a Raven. I’ll have to go on and explain myself.” Of course, Nathaniel wouldn’t be saying anything that truthful – if the Moriyamas thought him as a threat, he would be killed before his father’s plans started. But Wymack didn’t need to know that.

“Are you sure? I can tell her to fuck off, and Kevin too. If you need me to.” It was Wymack’s final offer to keep Nathaniel from the public eye – in another life; Nathaniel might have appreciated the man’s concern. Here and now, however, he barely bit back his annoyance.

“I’m sure. I can handle being on her show for some little segment. Coach Moriyama trained us all in how to handle public interviews, I haven’t done many, but I remember how to do it.” Nathaniel reassured him, careful to gloss over the teaching the Master had given them all. He didn’t think Wymack would be much reassured if he knew the bulk of Nathaniel’s training had been how to hide all the bruises, cuts and occasional broken bones.

Wymack watched him closely for a moment, looking for any sign of hesitancy or uncertainness. Nathaniel showed none and waited with bated breath for Wymack’s decision. “Fine,” the man said finally and Nathaniel nearly sighed in relief. “Court and supply room are unlocked. Get out of here, I have calls to make.” Nathaniel didn’t mind the rude dismissal and quickly left the room.

His plan had worked. Kathy Ferdinand had taken to the story exactly as he thought she would. More importantly, she seemed to have followed his instructions to the letter so far and managed to keep Wymack in the dark about the most crucial part. That was good; Wymack couldn’t know all of it or he would never allow any of his Foxes in her studio. Nathaniel felt a slight pang of guilt but quickly brushed it aside. Wymack was a decent man, he knew, but he was possessive and far too moral to understand what Nathaniel was doing and why he had to. It was safer for him too – and the rest of the Foxes – if they didn’t know what fully lay in store for them on Saturday.

Nathaniel’s hands shook slightly as he grabbed his racquet and a spare ball. He ignored the motion, forcing away the panic. This was his plan and it was crucial that it worked out exactly as he planned. He couldn’t afford to let himself worry about what would happen or he risked failing spectacularly. Nathaniel knew his father was an impatient man and if he failed Friday, he was dead. He couldn’t afford that.

On Saturday, Nathaniel would not only be subject to Kathy Ferdinand and her incessantly personal questions. He would stand face to face with Riko Moriyama with only one goal in his mind – to anger the man more than he had ever in his life. It was a dangerous plan – Riko could easily get him after the interview and beat him senseless or even pay someone else to do it – but it was the best shot Nathaniel had at him. He could handle the pain anyway. Probably even welcome it. The main branch would be watching as well as his father. They would take stock of the situation and with any luck, Nathaniel would come up on top. That was worth a few broken bones or a bloodied face.

The reassurances didn’t help Nathaniel’s nerves and his hands shook fiercely still as he opened the door that led into the actual court. If he let his panic overcome him, Wymack would cancel the interview in a heartbeat. So Nathaniel breathed in deeply and set his racket and the ball down next to the plexiglass wall of the court. He continued breathing deeply as he methodologically removed his gloves and the protective gear on his left arm, exposing his wrist. He set down the protective gear that had covered it next to his racquet.He breathed in deeply again as he slid his hand under his jersey and removed the sharp razor he had hidden in his gear. Nathaniel didn’t like doing this in a public space but he knew he was alone. More importantly he needed the clarity pain gave him.

He continued to breathe deeply as he raised the sharp blade to his wrist. He breathed in once more and brought the razor down sharply. The pain was sharp and warm and Nathaniel closed his eyes in quiet relief as his mind cleared to focus only on the sudden sting. He stood for a moment, savoring the pain as small droplets of blood ran down his wrist but was quick to put the razor away afterwards. He couldn’t afford to be caught, not with Wymack and Abby both only feet away. And especially not with Betsy’s offer of meetings looming fresh in Wymack’s mind.

Nathaniel wiped the blood away and slid his gear back on. His wrist stung as the gear dug into the fresh cut slightly but Nathaniel savored it. The constant sting would keep his mind clear until practice was over. He slid his gloves back on and grabbed the racquet and ball. The impending Saturday was no longer at the front of his mind - although it lay in the back, waiting for Nathaniel to return to it later – and Nathaniel could focus on the court in front of him.

It was wonderful to be back where he belonged. On the court, there was no Kathy Ferdinand, no main branch, no father looming over him. The only thing that mattered was the goal in front of him and the amount of steps it would take to get there. Nathaniel threw the ball up and slammed it with his racquet, taking satisfaction in the cracking sound the ball made as it soared through the air and slammed into the wall.

He sprinted after it, caught it in his net and counted his steps as he ran. He released it on his last step and watched the ball with unhidden joy as it smashed into the goal. In a game, color would have flooded the goal but that didn’t matter. Nathaniel was chasing the ball before it had hit the court floor, blood and body thrumming together as he did so. The pain in his wrist was barely noticeable now but that was no matter. Nathaniel didn’t need it when the muscles in his body sang and his mind focused only on catching up to the ball in front of him. He imagined someone in front of him – a nameless shadow of a backliner , and swerved his body around it, catching the ball as it bounced up from the floor.

Nathaniel felt something akin to happiness as he shot the ball into the goal again and imagined it lighting up in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. I was busy with finals and then coming home for winter break and hadn't realized it had been a month since I updated. I hope you guys liked the chapter and I will try and update again as soon as possible. Thank you for reading.


	29. Chapter 29

Nathaniel woke Friday morning with a feeling of unease. It was silent in the dorm room apart from Matt and Seth’s breathing and Nathaniel was careful as he slipped soundlessly out of his bed. The last thing he wanted to deal with in the morning was Seth’s incessant yelling. He gathered his things for the day and slipped out of the room, ignoring the knot that weighed heavy on his stomach. He entered the bathroom quietly and made quick work of his shower – in and out in under five minutes just like he had been taught in the Nest. It was almost comforting to use his old routine. He toweled himself dry and slipped into his clothing, pausing only to stare at the number on his jersey.

Today, at approximately 6 o’clock, the Foxes would be having their first home game of the season against the Breckenridge Jackals. Today, at approximately 6 o’clock, Nathaniel would play in his first collegiate level match. His stomach rolled uneasily as he tightened his hold on the jersey. He had worn it before, at practice, but that had been with only the Foxes around. Today, he had to wear it all day, in front of strangers, and then wear it again for the match in front of screaming fans. Today, he was revealing to the world that he had chosen the Foxes when he should have been a Raven.

Nathaniel wasn’t stupid; he knew this day was coming. Wymack had done his best to keep his name hidden and Nathaniel had done his part by hiding his tattoo behind a bandage and keeping his head down while campus had filled up around him and classes started. It had helped that Nathaniel had been younger than Riko and Kevin – his name was less known than theirs and no one had truly seen him play as he had been taught by tutors within the walls of the Nest. The Raven’s best kept secret he had been called in one of the few interviews the Master had put him on. They still called him that on the Exy forums – he knew that because he had looked himself up in the library in a moment of weakness. Raven fans were speculating widely about when he would debut and Nathaniel knew there wouldn’t be any hiding after today. It was why he had told Kathy Ferdinand to get them on her show the Saturday after his first game – the Exy world would be buzzing with his appearance at Kevin’s side.

Just because he had planned it didn’t mean he felt any better about it. He knew how vicious Raven fans had gotten last year when Kevin first appeared on the Fox court and he knew how much of that had been quietly orchestrated by Riko. Nathaniel was about to unleash that and so much more on himself and the Foxes. Guilt was a terrible and unfamiliar feeling but it was gnawing at him now, alongside the nerves and fear. The Foxes didn’t deserve what was coming – at least some of them anyway, he didn’t particularly care for Seth and the Monsters could rot for all he cared – but the others had been strangely nice to him. They had been the first people to be kind to him and Nathaniel was repaying in the worst kind of way, by purposely bringing the wrath of Riko and the Master and possibly even the main branch of the Moriyamas upon them. It was a horrible thing to do, but Nathaniel knew it had to happen. He would be worse off if he disobeyed his father and the Foxes probably would as well. His father wouldn’t attack them unnecessarily but if he felt that hurting them would get Nathaniel to behave, he wasn’t below doing it.

Nathaniel remembered all too well the way he had been used as a warning to his mother, when they had still lived at the house in Baltimore. Some of his oldest scars were because his mother had acted out. Still, even knowing that he was doing the safest thing, the jersey seemed wrong to him. The orange against the white was nauseatingly bright compared to the deep red and black of the Ravens. The number too, was wrong. A ten, done in that horridly vibrant orange, stared back at him where a three should have been. The number three had been chosen specifically for Nathaniel and he had been wearing it for years – no other Raven was allowed it despite the fact that Nathaniel wasn’t even playing in their games. A few weeks of practicing with the number ten wasn’t enough to shake the deeply entrenched idea that three was his only number.

Nathaniel’s hands shook as he forced himself to throw the jersey on. When he caught his reflection, he wasn’t surprised at the almost sickly paleness that looked back at him. He wanted to turn away - he hated his appearance – but his eyes fixated on the starkly black number on his cheek. He had been fifteen when Riko had ordered him to get it and it had been a terrible burning pain across his cheek bone. Nathaniel remembered the steady hand of the tattoo artist – brought in at night and given a generous tip for his discretion – as he had carefully inked the number across his face. Nathaniel remembered the resignation mixing with shame as Riko gleefully had him marked. The only good things about that night were that Riko had not come to his room afterwards and that Jean had managed to get some cream to ease the redness and rawness of the tortured skin.

Hesitantly, fingers shaking even harder, Nathaniel reached up and brushed his finger tips against the number, eyes still glued to his reflection. The skin was long since healed but Nathaniel could almost still feel the sharp burn of Riko’s fingers as he had traced the number roughly for the two weeks it had taken to heal. His finger traced it almost unconsciously and Nathaniel couldn’t stop the shaking of his entire body as he remembered the ways Riko taunted him with it; the way he would pitch his voice low as he murmured that the number made Nathaniel his; the feel of his body weight oppressive against Nathaniel’s own as he came in close to admire it.

The number was a vivid reminder that even now, miles away and tucked relatively safe inside the Fox’s court, Nathaniel was Moriyama property. That he was theirs to do as they liked. The three was a reminder that he was a Raven, even as he stood in a Palmetto dorm wearing a horrid orange and white jersey. Nathaniel’s whole body shook as he forced himself to breath. He was frozen, staring at his pale reflection. His breathing was harsh and he struggled to keep it under control. He could feel the panic roiling inside and Nathaniel fought desperately to keep it at bay.

He jumped when the knocking started. For a wild, heart pounding moment Nathaniel was sure it was Riko or the Master come to drag him back to the Nest. It had been a mistake to come here – he should have gone back regardless of his father. Should’ve told the Master what was going on, should’ve begged for their forgiveness. Should’ve done anything that would prevent Riko’s anger –

“Nathaniel?” Matt’s voice called out cautiously. It was faded; barely discernible over Nathaniel’s panic attack, but still clear enough that it couldn’t be mistaken for Riko’s. “Hey, are you alright?” Matt continued, when no answer had been given. Nathaniel closed his eyes, purposely blacking out the image in the mirror. Riko and the Master weren’t here. He was in his dorm, preparing for his first collegiate game while his Fox teammate stood outside the door. His father wouldn’t allow Riko to get this close to him – not yet anyway, when his existence in the Moriyama family hinged on Nathaniel and his ability to discredit Riko. Nathaniel was as safe as he could be.

Even logically knowing this, it took a moment for him to be able to collect himself and his fingers were still shaking as he opened the bathroom door. Matt was standing there, still in his pajamas. He was staring down at Nathaniel, concern evident in his eyes. Nathaniel forced his face into a look of unconcern.

“I’m fine,” he told him, voice unusually hoarse. Nathaniel hoped he hadn’t been making any noise in the bathroom.

“You sure? You seem a bit pale.” Matt was still watching him closely and Nathaniel bit back the feeling of unease and clenched his fingers together to hide the shaking.

“Yeah. Just a bit nervous. I’m fine.” Nathaniel repeated and neatly sidestepped Matt. He could feel the man’s eyes on his back as he walked into the living area of their dorm but he resolutely ignored it. He breathed easier when, after a moment’s hesitation, the door of the bathroom closed quietly behind Matt.

It was still early, much too early to go to class, but Nathaniel didn’t feel like staying around the dorm either. Matt would ask all the wrong questions that Nathaniel didn’t have the right answers for and if the older boy reported anything to Wymack, he would be off the game and more than likely off the interview. Nathaniel grabbed his bag from the spot next to his desk and headed out of the dorm. The dining halls wouldn’t open for another half hour but Nathaniel didn’t think he would be able to stomach any food anyway. He stood momentarily in the hallway, unsure of where to go.

The Nest had never had many escapes other than the court and Nathaniel was never left alone on that anyway. It had been a dark, claustrophobic place that had never failed to remind Nathaniel of his father’s basement on his worse days there. The Palmetto dorm, however, was always brightly lit and the walls were lined with cork boards bursting with brightly colored posters. Nathaniel normally found it ostentatious but today the bright colors helped ground him. Such things would never be allowed into the Nest, distracting as they were. Nathaniel hardly paid them any attention but he walked over to them now. He wasn’t surprised that the largest poster was a schedule of the Fox’s Exy schedule, written in bright orange. Dan probably put it up after Wymack had gotten the final schedule. Nathaniel skipped over it in favor for the others. Nothing held his interest but it was a decent distraction while he calmed himself enough to figure out what to do.

He rubbed his wrist absently, hardly wincing as his fingers pressed a bit too sharply against fresh marks. The sting was grounding and did more to calm him than the flyers did. Nathaniel was no longer on the verge of a panic attack but his skin still itched with the urge to leave. He knew instinctively that if he went downstairs and outside he might start running and not return until late, if at all. But the air was becoming stifling around him now, as he fought the urge to leave anyway.

Nathaniel glanced at the entrance to the stairway despite himself. The door was firmly closed, as was usual, but Nathaniel could glimpse the dark stairs through the small glass pane set into the door. He remembered then that there was a set of stairs that went up, most likely to the roof. He could use those, then. He could leave the stifling dorm but not risk running.

Nathaniel was already walking to the staircase before he had fully realized it and he reached out to open the door. Doubts began to fill him but he began walking up automatically anyway. The door would probably be locked but that didn’t bother Nathaniel as much as it should. Not even the possibility of an alarm stopped him from going up the stairs. He only had one thing on his mind and that was the calming feeling that open air would give him. He was dimly surprised when he realized that someone had sabotaged the lock on the door but not even that was enough to make him hesitate.

Nathaniel pushed open the door and let the cool air hit him. It was a relief instantaneously. The Nest had always been dark and stifling and the open hallway had helped combat that feeling. But the worst part about the Nest on his worse days, the feeling that the hallway couldn’t help him with, was the way the walls had closed in around him. There had been no escape from that, not even in the court, as Nathaniel was rarely allowed outside without the Master or Riko and even when he was, Kevin or Jean had been sent to keep an eye on him.

Here though, no one had followed him or tried to hem him in. Nathaniel stepped out onto the open roof and breathed in the crisp air. He hadn’t realized how high up he would be, with the Tower being on a hill, but the height didn’t bother him. It was a bigger relief to be higher up, even. The Nest had been under the stadium, as far down as one could possibly go on the campus. The roof was the exact opposite and the height helped calm Nathaniel down further. He would have never found an escape like this at the Nest and that fact helped ground him further than anything else had.

He walked closer to the edge and peered over the edge. It was a long ways down to the parking lot below him and Nathaniel knew instinctively that he should back away before he lost his footing. He didn’t though; instead, he toed himself a little closer to get a better look. People were already milling around, walking to campus or to their cars. He wondered vaguely if they could see him, dressed in his bright jersey, and what they would think if they saw him.

“You’re taking too long to jump.” A bored voice drawled from somewhere behind him. Nathaniel nearly slipped in his surprise and scrambled back from the edge before he actually fell. He hadn’t realized anyone was up here with him and he tensed despite himself as he turned to the source of the voice. He knew it well, despite his best efforts to block the man, and he didn’t bother hiding his scowl as he looked at him.

“Either jump and give me something to watch or back away from my view.” Andrew continued as he brought his cigarette up to his lips, completely devoid of emotion.  Andrew obviously had just woken up – his hair and clothes were rumpled from sleep, and hadn’t taken his medicine yet. Being alone on a roof with an unmedicated psychopath was not the best of ideas. Andrew didn’t seem like he wanted to waste the energy it would take to push Nathaniel off, however, and Nathaniel didn’t really want to lose the peaceful feeling the roof had given him. So Nathaniel ignored all the warnings that went off in his head and sat down, still dangerously close to the edge. He didn’t turn his gaze back to the parking lot but watched Andrew as he silently smoked.

It was hard not to think of the last time he had been alone with Andrew. It had been in Wymack’s apartment and it was hard to forget the strange feeling of understanding that they had then. Nathaniel had gone to great lengths to avoid Andrew since then and the other boy had seemed equally content to avoid him. It was strange that they had met together now when Nathaniel was having an off morning. Stranger still was the fact that Nathaniel wasn’t concerned about it. Knowing all that he knew of the psychopath in front of him, Nathaniel should have been at least nervous, but he wasn’t. Apart from the initial panic being startled had produced, Nathaniel was still as calm as he had been when he had first gotten onto the roof. Perhaps that strange, uncomfortable understanding they had gone through had taken away his fear. Nathaniel didn’t know but he had a strange curiosity for the blonde in spite of everything that told him he should stay far away from the midget psychopath.

Despite Andrew’s statement of blocking his view, the blonde’s hazel eyes stayed focused on Nathaniel rather than the skyline as he finished his cigarette. After a moment, Andrew crushed the rest of his cigarette onto the ground, eyes still focused on Nathaniel.

“If you keep staring, I’ll push you down myself.” Andrew threatened although he seemed bored by the prospect. Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at the blonde. He was well acquainted with Andrew’s threats and he could tell the difference between his real threats and his bluffs. Still, once a moment had passed, Nathaniel obediently turned his head back out to the parking lot. He felt nearly content now, as if the morning panic had not happened. He knew it would come back later, once Nathaniel had to go to class with his jersey on or when he caught a glimpse of his tattoo in a bathroom mirror. But for now he allowed himself a moment of peace, sitting in near companionable silence with Andrew as the other boy lit up another cigarette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you liked the chapter! Next chapter will focus more on his class and the start of the game, but I wanted to include a little bit of Andrew and Neil since its been awhile that they have been alone, although not much happened. I will try to update again soon.


	30. Chapter 30

Nathaniel didn’t know how much time had passed while he sat with Andrew. It should have been frightening to be alone with the blonde but there was a strange comfort in his presence. Threats were known and familiar to Nathaniel and he could tell easily that Andrew would not hurt him right now. Instead, Andrew had seemed content to ignore him and Nathaniel did the same. It reminded him a bit of time with his mother, back before his father had found them, when they had spent long hours in complete silence. Nathaniel’s mother was no innocent and he knew the feel of her hands against him as intimately as he did his father’s knives or the Master’s cane. But Nathaniel always knew that when she had hit him, he had deserved it. With Andrew, it was much the same. If Nathaniel did not provoke him, there was no need for him to be violent.

It was strange to think of his mother here. For two years, she had been a driving, terrifying force. Never stopping, never forgiving, she had burned a trail throughout Europe and the Americas. All for the hope that Nathaniel would not go to the Ravens. All in vain the moment his father caught up to them. Now Nathaniel was finally away from Evermore but he was no freer than he was a year ago; his cage was merely wider. He had no idea if his mother would be proud or angry at him now, with him going along with his father’s ideas.

“Hey.” Andrew’s bored drawl barely carried over the wind but Nathaniel turned to him immediately. The boy had smoked a third cigarette and was crushing the bud with his hand. “You haven’t jumped yet, which means you probably aren’t going to today. The upperclassmen are all freaking out that you are gone. Get your ass back inside before they think I’ve killed you and start looking for the body.” Nathaniel wondered how Andrew knew that but quickly spotted his phone, laying on the cold concrete beside him.

Nathaniel felt a flicker of his panic rise up. He hadn’t fooled Matt at all; he should have realized that but he had been too wrapped up in his own fear. Matt must have shared his concern with Dan and then they must have freaked out when they couldn’t find him. They had to have told others as neither Dan nor Matt would have texted Andrew – Nathaniel didn’t even think they had the blonde’s number. If they had notified Wymack as well, he was done for. He should’ve stayed in the dorm; should’ve forced himself to calm down and interact with Matt. He should’ve never felt the panic in the first place; it was stupid and pointless. Nathaniel should’ve been able to control himself better.

His hand slipped to his wrist before he thought to stop it and his nails pressed sharply into the tender skin. One caught against a fresh line and he held back the hiss as it broke through the scab. Nathaniel deserved the pain. He had been a fool. He pressed harder.

“If you make me help you get up, I’ll help you over the edge.” Andrew’s voice rang out closer than it had before and Nathaniel immediately turned towards the sound. The smaller boy had managed to get up and move without attracting Nathaniel’s attention. He stood right in front of Nathaniel, bored expression etched tightly in place. The only indication that he might make good on his threat was the slightly narrowed look in his eyes as he stared down at him. Nathaniel dropped his wrist and stood, careful not to bump into the blonde. Andrew refused to back away to make it easier; when Nathaniel managed to stand the blonde was only a few inches away.

Nathaniel’s heart began to pound as the blonde continued to stare at him with expressionless eyes. A moment passed before he did anything and Nathaniel was too surprised when the blonde reached out for his wrist to stop him. Andrew squeezed it once, hard and Nathaniel barely hid the wince as Andrew pressed forcefully into the newly opened cut.

“Idiot.” Andrew said casually and dropped the wrist. Nathaniel stared at him, surprised. He knew Andrew was incredibly observant – he had noticed the cuts on Nathaniel’s wrist before – but he couldn’t figure out why the blonde would take an interest in it now. He hadn’t really said anything about the cuts then and he hardly seemed the type to worry over anyone’s bumps and bruises.

Nathaniel waited to see if the blonde would say anymore but Andrew was done. The blonde turned away silently and made his way towards the stairs.  
Nathaniel watched, partially in shock, for a moment before his senses came back and he darted after the blonde. He didn’t know if Andrew would say anything – he had kept quiet about Nathaniel’s wrists before and he hadn’t said anything about their talk at Wymack’s – but he couldn’t afford it if he did. If Wymack or Abby knew that the marks on his wrist were fresh and not just scars left by Riko, he would be sent straight to Betsy without question. He couldn’t allow that.

“Andrew –“ Nathaniel almost reached out to touch the blonde but stopped just short of his shoulder blades. Andrew had tensed, almost imperceptibly, at the sound of Nathaniel’s approach. He didn’t dare set him off, so Nathaniel stayed his hand. Andrew had stopped walking and they stood at the bottom of the stairs, not even a foot from the door. Nathaniel could hear voices beyond it – undoubtedly the Foxes, loud as always. He wondered momentarily if Andrew had bothered to tell them were Nathaniel was or if they were still looking for him but impatiently threw the thought aside. It wasn’t important right now.

Andrew was waiting for Nathaniel to speak but he suddenly couldn’t find the words to say. He couldn’t admit out loud what they both apparently knew. That Nathaniel was weak and stupid; that he punished and reassured himself with pain because that was the only relief he knew. That the sting of a blade or nails was comfort to Nathaniel. That the sight of his own blood, wet and sticky, sliding down his hand was sometimes the only thing that could remind Nathaniel that he was still breathing. Andrew couldn’t understand that; no one could. And Nathaniel didn’t know how to put it into words.

Andrew only waited a moment more before he opened the door and emerged out into the hallway without sparing even a glance back at Nathaniel. Nathaniel followed, angry at himself and scared that Andrew would reveal him to everyone. The Foxes were all standing out in the hallway, just as Nathaniel had assumed. His heartbeat picked up despite his desire to keep calm. They had all turned at the sound of the door opening and were now staring openly at the pair. Matt looked extremely worried; Dan was a mixture of worry for Nathaniel and annoyance at Andrew – Nathaniel’s unspoken question of whether or not Andrew had bothered to tell anyone where he was had been answered by the sharp glance she threw at the blonde. Allison and Seth were mirror images in their annoyance – both turned and left without care at the sight of Nathaniel. Renee, of course, was completely calm and she even shot a brief smile at the both of them before she turned back into her dorm. Nathaniel realized belatedly that she was still in her pajamas.

Even the Monsters had come out and it was them that made Andrew stop his approach to his dorm. Nathaniel’s heart thudded then; it beat an erratic, nearly painful melody against his ribs. If Andrew told Kevin of all people, Nathaniel would never hear the end of it. He knew what Kevin thought of weakness in his players – Kevin would out him faster than anyone else if he felt that Nathaniel was weakening his chances on the court. The taller boy had been staring at Nathaniel in an almost amusing mixture of confusion and annoyance before Andrew had moved in front of him. Now, like almost everyone subjugated to the blonde’s presence, his eyes were trained fully on the smaller figure. Besides the two of them, Nicky seemed beside himself with concern and Aaron was in his default mood of annoyance.

“Andrew?” Kevin asked finally, just a hint of nervousness in his voice. He must not have liked the two of them alone; Nathaniel realized. Didn’t want Andrew up to any of his tricks so close to a game. He hadn’t been all too worried when he had helped Andrew drug Nathaniel just a few weeks ago but match days were almost sacred to Ravens. Not even Riko would mess with a player before a game. Andrew didn’t say anything in response but held his hand out. The action surprised Kevin, but not for long. It took him only a moment to reach into the pockets of his sweat pants and pull out a small orange bottle. Andrew took it without a word and opened it. Nathaniel watched silently, body still tense, as Andrew shook a single pill onto his hand. It was a small, innocuous blue thing but Nathaniel knew what it was for immediately. Why Kevin held onto Andrew’s court-mandated happy pills, he had no idea.

Andrew swallowed the pill dry before he finally turned back to face Nathaniel. Dan and Matt moved almost immediately to block the blonde from him. The corner of Andrew’s mouth twisted upwards slightly but he didn’t say anything about it. He kept Nathaniel’s gaze for just a moment before he turned away and walked towards his dorm. Nathaniel’s relief was nearly overwhelming; Andrew, for whatever reason, was not going to say anything. He didn’t know why he knew this with such certainty, but he did. Andrew would keep quiet; for what, Nathaniel didn’t yet know but that was enough for now.

Andrew’s group immediately followed him into their dorm. The moment the door slammed behind Aaron, Dan turned to Nathaniel. Her look was a mixture of anger and worry and Nathaniel instinctively tensed, ready for her to start yelling at him. Dan must have noticed his movement because she tried to soften her gaze and when she spoke, she forced a modicum of patience into her tone.

“What were you doing with him? Did he hurt you?” Nathaniel wasn’t surprised by her line of questioning. They all thought Andrew was insane and dangerous and Nathaniel was only now starting to think they were only half right.

“Nothing happened, I’m fine.” Nathaniel tried to move past them and into his own dorm. Dan was quick to move in front of the door, a scowl firmly placed on her face. He stopped in front of her and glared back. He had bigger problems than his captain’s ill placed concern. “I’m going to be late for my first class.” He told her pointedly. It was a lie - or at least he thought it was, still unsure of what time it was. But it was a good excuse to get out of the dorm before Dan could try to get anything out of him.

“Your first class isn’t until ten. It’s barely nine o’clock.” Matt said, stepping next to Dan and shooting Nathaniel an apologetic glance. Nathaniel had forgotten Matt knew his schedule and inwardly cursed. “We’re just concerned, you know?” He continued, trying to appease both Nathaniel and Dan. Nathaniel schooled his face into one of deep unconcern; he had had a bad morning but it was time to move on from it; dwelling on it with the upperclassmen would only bring the anxiety back and Nathaniel couldn’t afford to risk dealing with that. Not with Andrew acting the way he was about his usual methods. Nathaniel needed to distract himself before the game or he would be a wreck. “We don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you looked really freaked this morning and then you disappeared for an hour and came back with Andrew of all people.”

“I told you,” Nathaniel spoke, not quite able to hide the irritation in his voice, “I was feeling nervous. I went up to the roof to clear my head. Then Andrew came up and told me to get my ass back down here because you all were freaking out.” The lie came easy to him. Andrew had seemed comfortable on the roof and Nathaniel knew the man liked his privacy; it was a small, unasked-for return in exchange for Andrew keeping quiet about Nathaniel’s own escapes. The upperclassmen didn’t need to know everything the blonde did.

Dan shot him a skeptic glance. “I didn’t see him going up there. How did he know we were looking for you?” She demanded. Nathaniel wasn’t even sure why she was so determined to think Andrew had been with Nathaniel the entire time apart from her inability to think anything other than negative about the blonde. He shrugged away her questions.

"You aren’t exactly quiet people. Maybe Renee texted him? I don’t know and I don’t care. It’s not even a big deal. I’m sorry I worried you guys over nothing but I’m fine.” Dan looked like she might have wanted to argue further but Matt put a warning hand on her shoulder. Matt was looking at Nathaniel now with an indiscernible look. Nathaniel looked back, his face carefully blank. After a moment, Matt tried for a small smile.

“Well, you did tell us you could handle him and you seem completely okay. Sorry that we freaked out over you; I know you aren’t big on attention. Why don’t we get breakfast and then Dan and I can walk you to the science quad for your chemistry class?” Nathaniel had no desire to spend time with the upperclassmen and no stomach for a meal but he could sense a peace offering when he heard one. He wasn’t going to get out of their company anyway, with their suspicions, and it was easier to go along with someone than to fight with them.

“That’s fine.” Nathaniel told him. Matt beamed in response and slid back into their dorm to grab his bag. That left Nathaniel alone with Dan. He thought she might say something but she remained quiet at his side. It was unnerving, not just because she was normally talkative but also because she was fidgeting as if she had something to say. After a moment of tense silence, Dan finally broke.

“I didn’t mean to come off angry; I was just worried. You’ve developed a habit of vanishing and coming back hurt and when Matt told me you disappeared this morning, I kind of freaked a little bit. I’m responsible for you and I don’t want you getting hurt again. Especially on game day.” Nathaniel relaxed slightly as she tacked the last part on. He knew it was mostly for his benefit that she included Exy into the conversation and he appreciated it. Concern was still foreign to Nathaniel and he felt better to have it explained in ways he understood.

“It’s fine.” He told her. She shot him a wry grin in response.

“I’m beginning to think you don’t actually know what that word means.” She told him, only seeming to be half joking. Nathaniel shrugged it off in response as Matt reappeared with his bag.

They moved off together in silence and although they still stood too close for his liking, Nathaniel felt almost comfortable with them. Not as comfortable as he had on the roof, but at least enough that he didn’t feel like the panic would rise up against him any minute.  
That was good enough; he supposed. It was more than he had ever gotten with the Ravens. And more than he had ever expected to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter, I will try and update again as soon as possible. Next chapter will finally be their first game. I hope you all liked the bit of peace Nathaniel got and his interaction with Dan and Matt (and Andrew of course).


	31. Chapter 31

Nathaniel had the distinctly unpleasant feeling that he was about to vomit. His stomach heaved and rolled as he leaned over the toilet. He was already dressed in his uniform and was very careful not to get anything across the front of his jersey as his stomach tried its best to force itself out of his throat. After it was finished, Nathaniel stood back up straight and flushed the toilet with a shaking hand. He knew his team was waiting for him in the main room and he knew that the game itself was waiting just a few feet away but it could have been miles for as much as he thought he could get there.

It had been an almost unbearable day of stares and whispers as he had made it to all of his classes in the horridly orange jersey. The upperclassmen had tried to help as best as they could – they escorted him to all his classes and picked him up afterwards - but it had felt more crowding than anything. This moment in the bathroom had been the only time of quiet since the roof and he had spent the vast majority of it being violently ill. Nathaniel knew he had to leave the stall but he craved just a moment more of the quiet. Once he stepped out, it would be back to the thousand stares that waited for him. That had always been his problem, everyone’s attention on him – attention meant being noticed and notice meant trouble. He had learned that lesson from a burning iron; had it carved into him with every sort of blade.

Nathaniel knew once he was on the court, he would be okay. Once he was there, with his racquet in his hand, nothing else would matter but the game. Getting there, that was the problem. Nathaniel’s stomach roiled uneasily as he thought once more of the stands he had glimpsed on the way in – all the people pouring into their seats had been nauseating and he knew that the crowd would only get bigger as they filled in for the game. The idea that any of those people could be his father’s men or Moriyama men had haunted him the entire time he had been changing with the Foxes and what had sent him into the bathroom in the first place. He knew he had to go out to play – he wanted and needed to go out onto that court – but the getting there was proving nearly impossible.

Footsteps echoed on the tiled floor and Nathaniel tensed for a split second; then with the idea that Riko might have sent someone after him floating in his head, he scrambled from the stall. If it was someone after him, it was best not to be closed into such a small area. Nathaniel forced himself not to stare at the door and made his way towards the sinks. Through the mirror, he watched the door open, tensed with the sudden worry.

Nicky’s large frame blocked the flood of fluorescent light from entering the bathroom. Nathaniel didn’t relax his body at the sight but he allowed himself to let out a small breath and bent over the sink to wash his hands.

“Hey, you alright? Coach sent me in to check on you and tell you to get a move on.” Nathaniel could tell Nicky was nervous – the boy had been on needles with him ever since Columbia. Nathaniel didn’t respond though and instead bent further down in front of the sink. He caught some of the water in his mouth and swigged it around before spitting it back out. The rancid taste on his tongue diminished and he did it once more before he was satisfied and shut the water off. He was still on edge but he knew better than to show it now. When he turned finally towards Nicky, the blank expression he had worn all day since the roof was very carefully in place.

Nicky still seemed nervous and was watching Nathaniel as he dried his hands. He seemed like he wanted to say something and he reached out to the younger boy as Nathaniel walked past him towards the exit. Nathaniel flinched away from the outstretched hand instinctively and froze by the door. Nicky seemed to realize his mistake belatedly and curled his fingers away from the younger boy before dropping his hand.

Nathaniel took a moment to steady his breath before he shot a glare at the taller boy over his shoulder. “Don’t ever touch me.” Nicky flinched away from Nathaniel’s harsh tone but he didn’t care. He still felt the ghost of the boy’s lips and the feel of the cold wall pressed onto his back whenever he caught sight of Nicky; it was enough to bring the queasiness back into his stomach.

“Sorry,” Nicky whispered. There was a pain in his voice that Nathaniel resolutely ignored. Nicky didn’t get to feel hurt about any of it. Nathaniel hadn’t been the one to force himself onto the larger boy after allowing someone else to drug him in a club. He opened the door and walked out, not even bothering to turn back towards his teammate as he scrambled out of the door behind him.

The one good thing about Nicky’s appearance was that Nathaniel’s anger had surpassed his anxiety and he made his way into the Foxes’ media room with hardly any fear burning away at him. The others were, of course, all waiting for them. Andrew flashed a bright, mocking smile as Nathaniel carefully sat himself besides Matt on the opposite couch. Nathaniel decidedly ignored him and turned towards Wymack, who was standing up towards the front.

“Now that Nathaniel has decided to grace us with his presence,” Wymack drawled, shooting Nathaniel a wry look that the boy blatantly ignored, “we have some business to go over. The Breckenridge’s coach sent me their roster and I’ve got copies printed out for everyone.” He handed them to Dan who took one and passed the rest down. Nathaniel got his from Matt and immediately took to studying it, hardly paying attention as Allison took the rest from him. Some of the names he wasn’t familiar with – freshmen newly signed, he supposed – but others he recognized from studying the Ravens’ games. Most were beneath his level but their backliner, Hawking, was a potential problem. He had a good foot on Nathaniel as well as being at least twice his weight – if he managed a good hit, Nathaniel could easily find himself out of the game.

“Shit, fucking Gorilla is back.” Seth, squished into the same seat as Allison – they were “in” right now apparently, whatever that meant - grumbled loudly as he read down the page. Nathaniel assumed he was talking about Hawking – his massiveness could indeed be construed as gorilla-like.

“Damn,” Matt cursed in agreement before turning slightly towards Nathaniel. “Don’t get caught by him, okay? He’s hell on Seth and Kevin, he’d probably crush you.” Nathaniel knew the boy was trying to be helpful but he didn’t bother to reply. The lack of faith rankled him; Ravens would have never given Nathaniel a warning like that and he had never wanted anyone to. If he couldn’t handle himself on the court, he had no right being there.

“He won’t have to worry about Hawking at all if you do your job,” Kevin called out from the other couch. He sounded bored when he said it but Nathaniel could hear the venomous bite in his undertone and looked up despite himself. Kevin was still staring down at the paper, apparently unconcerned with the dirty looks the upperclassmen were giving him, but his fingers were bouncing against his thigh. He was nervous then. Nathaniel vaguely wondered if he should laugh; a year ago, the very idea that the great Kevin Day would be nervous playing such a subpar team would be astoundingly stupid. That was before his hand was shattered and supposedly his dreams along with it, though; and now, Nathaniel was grateful for once that he was sharing a team with him. There would be fewer eyes on him with Kevin on the field; Nathaniel was not above using the older man that way as he was the others. Kevin was nothing if not an egotistical bastard who mostly deserved whatever came to him.

“Knock it off and act like a damn team, will you?” Wymack grumbled loudly, bringing his team’s attention back fully on him. “I don’t want any fighting amongst you guys tonight so get your shit together. We’re warming up on the home side. If any balls wind up on the other side of the court, I’m pulling whatever smart ass thought that was a good idea, got it?” He waited just a moment for the half-hearted murmur of assent he got before he continued. “Kevin, Seth, Matt, Aaron, Andrew and Dan are starting line. Kevin, if you so much as feel a twinge in your hand, Nathaniel’s going in.” Wymack graciously gave Kevin a moment to argue but the boy simply glared at his coach. Wymack made a grunting noise that might have been a pleased sound or might have been an annoyed scoff – Nathaniel still couldn’t fully tell – and ushered his players out.

Nathaniel obediently followed behind Matt and focused only on the large boy’s back. He could hear the murmur of the crowd growing louder as they positioned themselves into playing order and began the small walk towards the court. He found himself, as the striker sub, standing directly behind Andrew. The weird almost-but-not-quite sense of camaraderie they had found on the roof was gone and the blonde seemed to take pleasure from Nathaniel’s evident nerves because he couldn’t help but mock him in a low voice as they waited for Wymack to get the clear to lead them into the stadium.

“Thought you might have crawled out the bathroom window and disappeared again.” He whispered it in a casual but mocking tone and Nathaniel stifled the momentary urge to snap something back. Andrew would know he had gotten to him if he did. “Afraid of Daddy finding you again?” Andrew had pitched his voice even lower for that jab so that it was barely heard over the din of the crowd. Nathaniel counted silently backwards from ten; he made it to six before his frayed temper snapped.

“Thought you’d be playing the second half. Too afraid to leave your master’s side?” The doors opened in front of them, finally, and the rest of the team started to make their way slowly out of the door. Their movement didn’t stop Andrew from turning around towards him.

“Captain didn’t tell you?” There was an incredulous sort of amusement in Andrew’s tone; a sort of superiority that could only come from knowing something someone else didn’t. Nathaniel ignored the annoyed huff that came from Allison behind him as Andrew held up the line of players to speak to Nathaniel.

“Tell me what?” he demanded, bringing his arms up protectively despite himself. Andrew was smiling as usual but Nathaniel could see that something was off by it; as if it took a little more effort for Andrew to wear it. He knew that couldn’t be right though – Andrew couldn’t fake the sort of maniacal glee that his pills produced anymore than he could hide it from his face. Still, it was disconcerting; that slight off-ness.

Andrew didn’t get a chance to respond before Wymack angrily barked at him to turn around and get his ass onto the court. His laughter rang out, however, low and mocking, as he obediently made his way out of the small hall. Nathaniel let himself be annoyed by the blonde rather than think of what he was heading into and followed him out onto the court.

The noise was deafening and Nathaniel nearly froze. He had been at games before of course, but that had been hidden away with the Ravens with barely an eye on him unless the Master wanted them to be there. Here, though, Nathaniel could feel the curious glances of fans as they caught sight of the Foxes new player. He knew Wymack still had not officially announced his name but most here probably knew it anyway – it wasn’t that hard to match his face to the school records after all. He almost imagined he could hear the crowd murmuring about him although it was impossible to discern anything over the general racket.

He froze despite himself, halting just inside the court. The other subs moved around him easily, seemingly unfazed by the overly bright lights and the screaming. It was overwhelming; the colors and the noise. His breathing came harsh despite himself and Nathaniel almost felt the panic take over. There was so much around him that even seeing the large Breckenridge team practicing on the visitors’ end of the court wasn’t enough to pull him out of it. He couldn’t do this; not with all the eyes on him.

A ball flew towards him and Nathaniel found himself moving despite himself and raising his racket in front of him. He didn’t catch the ball in the net but he managed to block it from hitting him in the chest and it fell uselessly down in front of him. The adrenaline rush of his sudden movement was enough to ground him and he picked up the ball with his empty hand in a crushing grip. He could feel the pain in his finger tips even through his thick gloves but he hardly paid it any mind. The ball grounded him; made him realize what he was here for in this moment.

He wasn’t here for the crowd; he wasn’t here even for his father. This – the court – was his and he wasn’t going to let his nerves take away the only good place he had in his life. He couldn't let that happen. Nathaniel took a deep breath and looked up in the direction the ball had come from, hand still crushing the ball with his fingers. Andrew was watching him, a cocky smile fixed loosely in place. Nathaniel huffed at him and threw the ball at him, hard. Andrew caught it effortlessly, his smile widening as Nathaniel finally moved to join the rest of the line. Matt smiled encouragingly at him but he was the only one that acknowledged his delayed start apart from Andrew.

Nathaniel lost himself in the practice then. He ran through the drills effortlessly, catching and passing the ball; shooting it when he was supposed to. He never made a goal but he wasn’t trying to either. Andrew returned the balls just as he was meant to, although a tad more forcefully than most goalkeepers would. His team was used to that just as much as they were used to his bright smile, though, and the returns didn't faze any of them. Twenty minutes passed with Nathaniel on autopilot and he had hardly realized it was time until the referees began to shoo them off the court.

Nathaniel obediently filed off with the rest of the team, hardly noticing the crowd now. His body felt loose and more relaxed than it had all day. The racquet in his hand had become a welcome weight once more and he felt hardly anything but excitement. That was how the game was supposed to be – a strong adrenaline rush that spurred him on to harder and greater heights. The exalting feeling that came with a well-done play was the purest motivation Nathaniel had and the simple drills were enough to get him feeling just a part of that.

His nerves flared slightly as the announcer called the Foxes’ names but he raised his racquet high above his head in tandem with everyone else and the rush of pure excitement for the game was enough to flood his anxiety away. The rush faded slightly as the Jackal’s were called and the starting lines made their way onto the court but the anxiety remained dormant as Nathaniel avidly watched his teammates take their places and the referees locked the doors behind them.

The roar of the crowd was deafening once more but Nathaniel hardly paid it any mind as Dan and the Breckenridge captain shook hands before taking their central positions. He ignored the conversation between Nicky and Allison –they were saying something trivial, a bet or something – and leaned in closer to the court. The buzzer sounded loudly and then the ball was in the air for first serve. The Breckenridge dealer slammed it hard towards his teammates and the whole court erupted in movement.

The game had begun; nothing else mattered in Nathaniel’s eyes. His father, Riko, the crowd – they all faded away as the ball began to be fought over viciously. A Breckenridge striker nabbed it and began her steps towards the goal – Matt blocked her before she had even managed half her potential distance and their racquets clamored together as he knocked the ball from her net. He managed to catch it and threw it to Seth. Seth managed two steps before Hawking was there – he moved faster than it looked like he should and Seth lost the ball in a short but ferocious scuffle that ended with him flat on his back.

It was fast, dirty and vicious and it had tempers flaring quickly. Nathaniel couldn’t believe that Kevin was already yelling at Seth and he was even more incredulous that the first punch was thrown by Seth at Kevin. Besides him, Wymack pounded once in warning against the wall but Nathaniel ignored it. He was surprised not only at Seth's inability to act like a professional but also that Seth would risk something like that with Andrew on the court with them. He didn’t realize he had voiced his surprise out loud until Renee, who had somehow managed to slide up beside him without him realizing, spoke.

“Andrew has to conserve his energy. He needs to make it through the full half before I switch with him.” She said this matter-of-factly, as if Nathaniel should have known that it would be a challenge for Andrew to play the whole first half. Nathaniel didn’t turn his eye from his game even as he tried to think over what Renee had told him. The referee gave a warning to Seth but didn’t award any penalties and the game continued shortly. Nathaniel found his eyes watching Andrew in the goal even though the ball hadn’t come close to either goalkeepers yet. It didn’t make since that he would have to conserve his energy – he easily managed a full half in a mock game during practice and even accounting for the more high-intensity workout a game produced, it was well within Andrew’s ability to play a full half.

He watched Aaron slam into the Jackal’s striker and hit the ball towards Dan before he finally voiced his curiosity. “Why does he need to conserve his energy?” Nathaniel didn’t turn towards Renee to know that she was staring at him. He felt slightly annoyed behind his obsessive excitement for the game – whatever it was that was being hidden from him must have been the same reason that Andrew didn’t play the second half even though he would undoubtedly be more useful in the more important part of the game. Andrew had been alluding to this in line and Nathaniel hated not knowing something that the blonde did. The memory of the slight off-ness he had felt in Andrew's smile tugged at him, adding to the vague feeling of unease that was beginning to grow up around the conversation.

“Dan didn’t tell you?” Renee asked softly. She was being quiet enough that she didn’t capture the others attention although he doubted she could’ve. He assumed both Nicky and Allison had their eyes glued to the game just as Wymack and Abby did– Kevin had managed to get the ball to the Breckenridge’s goal but lost the ball when Gorilla smashed his racquet into his in a dangerous move that toyed the line between legal defense and an outright foul.

“No one told me anything.” He snapped, watching Kevin shake his hand out before trying to make his way past the backliner that had him marked. He felt Renee shift beside him and dimly wondered if she was feeling uncomfortable for being the one to tell him whatever the hell was going on or if the Jackal’s getting the ball had her on edge like it did him.

“If Andrew overextends himself, he’ll get sick. It’s one of his withdrawal symptoms.” Nathaniel had been distracted by the Jackal’s striker taking aim on the goal – the first time anyone had gotten close enough to a goal all game – but once he saw Andrew bounce the ball away and towards his brother, the words sank in and he finally tore his eyes from the game.

“What do you mean one of his _withdrawal_ symptoms?” He hissed, a sinking feeling weighing heavily on his stomach. Renee couldn’t mean what he thought she did. The Foxes might have been that desperate – the Ravens would have never lost the ball so many times from such a low-level team as the Jackals - but they surely couldn’t be that stupid.

Renee’s somber expression told him all that he needed to know. The Foxes were indeed that stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait; getting back into the semester has been challenging. But hopefully I've found my rhythm again and the updates should come more quickly. I apologize if the game description isn't very detailed - I've never really described a sport game before and I'm not quite sure how much to put in. I hope you liked the chapter and I will try to update again soon.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story for All for the Game (and first on Ao3). I got the inspiration for a Raven!Neil story from the story Sinners will be Saints, This is What Hollows, and a Switchblade is my preferred weapon (all are really good and I highly recommend them). I hope you liked it so far and I will try to update frequently. Also, this first chapter is the prologue so the next ones will be longer.


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